Hi i have just found this site. I have been trying to get help. I found my partner dead at his home 6 weeks ago tomorrow. I tried to do CPR but couldn’t bring him back. I feel lost and helpless without him and never imagined lufe without him. How do you cope?
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There is no one answer as it is just so hard isn’t it.? The wave of emotions is exhausting. My husband dies in May last year after a very short illness and I miss him every day. One day at a time is the key and let the tears flow, don’t put a brave face on it’s exhausting to wear that mask. Be kind to yourself xx
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I cant see past tomorrow. I don’t want to make plans because I don’t want to do anything without him.
I feel i can’t see a future anymore. Do you feel like this?
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I agree with you Lumrt, its been 10 weeks tomorrow for me since my beloved husband died of cancer, we only had 4 weeks together. We had just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary in October.
I miss him everyday, the house is empty, my heart is broken and everyday is a struggle, all I want is to be with him, the tears haven’t stopped since the day he left me
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I am a completely different person.
Do you talk to them?
I can’t bare the quiet so i talk to photos etc
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Yes, i talk to Mark all day everyday and tell him that I miss him everyday and I just want him back and that im struggling without him and i need him
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I read a lot on this site and we all feel exactly the same. Heart breaking loneliness and the hope that we join them soon.
I do feel that talking to Luie keeps away the despair.
Night time is the very hardest as it seems so silent.
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@Lumrt
Yes, talking out loud to your loved one is definitely normal. I did very immediately afterwards and thought I was crazy until I found this site and saw that so many people say they do. I’m 5 months in and still do. I think it just helps our minds cope.
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Hi
It 1year fir me this week
No such thing as a good nice sleep
I talk to him all the time pictures I used to tell him off for taking are now one of the most precious things I have
I talk to him first thing and last thing at night. I started writing to him every night telling him what me and the dog have do e that day. I find that helps
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Baby steps - that’s all you can do. Its hard to navigate a new normal but that’s all we can do. We have to live our best life for their sakes. I know my husband would be devastated if he knew I was upset and that he left me with so much to sort out. It was a sudden death. He had his own small business and the amount of stuff I need to sort out, on top of all the stuff every has to sort at these awful times, is overwhelming.
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Completely understand this. Haven’t even made myself a hot meal since I lost my partner as it doesn’t seem fair as he can’t enjoy anything. I also talk to photos and constantly looking for signs from him but I don’t think he can because I know he would have come to me if he could
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@Lumrt I’m so sorry for your loss. My amazing husband passed 5 weeks ago at aged 56. I don’t have a lot of advice other than just take one day at a time. I always say goodnight to my husband and tell him I love him. I have a hot water bottle wrapped in one of his jumpers in bed with me at night on his side of the bed and a blanket he had at the hospital on his pillow, so at night I can close my eyes and imagine him there, it’s a small comfort. Do you have family and friends around, allow them to support you, it may help them too. If not this forum is amazing, reach out whenever you need to and take care of yourself, you’re loved one would want that x
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Thank you for your advice its really appreciated. I have a blanket he had made for us with our photo on which i wrap myself in at night. I have alot of lovely family and friends but i just can’t see an end to this feeling of sadness. Crying has become a normal part of each day.
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@Lumrt it’s very early days for us at the moment, I cry a lot it just catches you off guard sometimes, it’s the smallest things and I think crying is a good release of emotions. I just try to keep myself so busy during the day that by nightime I’m exhausted, still wake up a few times during the night but managed to get back to sleep. I must admit I’m trying to avoid old routines and attempting to make new ones as best I can, a very different normal, not one I like but we have no choice sadly. Most importantly try to take care of yourself, eat, although you may not feel like you want to and rest as best you can. I spend a lot of time outside, I find it comforting to be in nature I get distracted by watching and feeding the birds, if only for a short time x
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It will take quite some time to get used to your new life. You need to realise that the person you were has died too. You will never be that person again. My husbands death was unexpected and the first weeks I was in shock and utterly bewilded at what happened. Everything has changed. My bedtimes, my sleep, my eating, what I watch on tv, my friends, his friends. The future you were looking forward to, the plans you had made everything is gone. You have to learn to love yourself. Find out the things that are important to you before you can even think of the future. This will not happen in a few weeks. You will miss them forever but hopefully we will all get used to this new life and then we can start living it again. Until then as everyone says, one step at a time, one day at a time. Look after yourself and anyone else dependant on you and most of all be kind to yourself. I write to my husband each day, I was with him for 45 years so I know his responses to everything I say. We all feel the weight of grief, we just need to gain the stength to carry it with us into the future.
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It’s 12 months for me the end of this month and I am so lost in a sea of emotions. I thought I’d be feeling better but I don’t. It’s such a horrible feeling. But please know that we all understand.
Love and hugs for you xx
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All these things you will find out are totally normal. I’m 45 weeks in and you will moved to a different place but the loss is with you now.
Talking to photos normal
Keeping clothes normal
Spraying their perfume/ after shave normal
Feeling guilty normal
Not knowing how to go on - loss of a sense of direction…
Crying non stop for months
It will change. It will take a long time. A long long long time.
Take care and talk - keep talking
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At the beginning I also felt I shouldn’t do or have things that he can no longer enjoy.
He loved me so much though that I’m sure he would say go ahead, enjoy for both of us, so I’ve been doing that.
Difficult to enjoy something alone that you used to do together, but I do try.
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ON THOSE DAYS
On those days
when you miss someone the most as though your memories are sharp enough
to slice through skin and bone remember how they loved you.
Remember how they loved you and do that for yourself.
In their name in their honour.
Love yourself
as they loved you.
They would like that.
On those days
when you miss someone the most love yourself harder.
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Lumrt
I also talk out loud to her and the photos.
I lost Gwen 17th of September after 2 months of diagnosis with pancreatic cancer that had spread to her liver.
Mornings and nights worst for me also,
it’s going to be a long journey but i’m sure with the help throught this site there will be a part that will help. 
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