It’s been 15 months since I lost my boyfriend, soulmate , best friend
I have a weekend away next week with the girls from work , I’ve been on these weekends lots of times before , but this time is first time I go away and he is not here when I come home , how do i the normal things when , I dont know what normal is anymore , xx
It’s been 15 months since I lost my boyfriend, soulmate , best friend
Hello Clare, yes I know that feeling of thinking what would be normal and I am afraid I haven’t found out and I am further down this road of grief. The pandemic as made normal as unreal as is possible. I know what a counsellor used to me and that was ‘don’t over think it’ just go with it and then next time you will have a better idea of what works and what don’t work for you. Remember it’s you that counts. He will be there watching over you and when you get back you can tell all about it. It sounds silly but it does make it easier. Go out and yes enjoy it because he would want you to and he would want you to have a life even without him. Just stay safe. S xx
Thank you , yes I think that the weekend is what I need with all the girls , just to do some normal things , go out for a meal have a few drinks, I do talk to him daily it’s just something that comforts me. I know he would want me to enjoy myself its just hard putting that in to practise. Xx
Claire, it takes time and they say small baby steps, honestly it’s the only way but you are young and you need to try. Just believe that you can do it and yes he will be with you. Bless you and have some fun, life is too short which you are well aware off. S xxx
Hi Clare, I am so glad you put this post on. I lost my husband of 42 years 16 months ago. I am away for the weekend with my daughter and like you I have done this when he was alive but I feel so anxious about going and coming home and the cat having to go in the cattery. She was his cat, I can’t bear the thought of taking her.
I had 6 weeks counselling from Sue Ryder, really helped me but I so wish I could talk to my counsellor about this! So yes, I feel just as you do but let’s both try and enjoy once we get there. We do deserve it and we have to do it. There will be tears and laughter, am sure. Reading another off S which said “don’t over think it”. So right!
Grieving is a long hard process when you lose your rock and soul mate. Some days I feel I am getting worse not better and I talk to him when struggling. We should try and live for the moment and 2 or 3 days out isn’t too much to ask. When home let’s put the TV or radio on to distract us and I will go and get his cat.
Love to all of you.
And thanks to all of you x
Yes I know I will be ok once im there it’s just the thought of going , my family have said this is what I need time with the girls , and yes there will be lots of tears but i hope some laughter toi as that hasnt happened for a long time .
Yes grief is a hard process sometimes I think I’m ok j got this then from nowhere I am a blundering wreck.
I know he is looking over me I feel him close if that’s makes sense , whenever I am feeling really sad I imagine him talking to me telling me its gonna be ok
I thought i did all the firsts , another one to get over, it’s the though of coming back home to an empty house .
Love and hugs to you all xx
Hi Clare, yes I feel exactly the same. I sometimes know what he would say to me in the given situation. He would now be telling me to go and have a good time but to be careful and not to worry about him.
The thought of going is awful as is the thought of coming home but we can do this, enjoy ourselves and when back home know we have ticked another box.
You take care and enjoy yourself, it is what he would have wanted.
Well I did the weekend away with the girls, we laughed, cried , this weekend I was dreading but it turned out to be just what I needed, I asked my boyfriend who had passed to be with me, and very freaky the first pub I went in was 80’s themed and his song that was played at the end of his funeral came on , threw me a little bit , but I realised it was a sign from him xx
My weekend went better than expected too and yes I did enjoy it. . I also asked my husband to help me. Leaving the house and coming back were a challenge but, like you, getting away and having someone around has helped me to think a bit clearer.
We have to make an effort to carry on with our lives and try and make the most of what we have left. Along side that we have wonderful memories, far more than some people have in a lifetime.
There is no normal anymore for any of us,it was taken away when they passed away.I cannot get used to this life now ,it is just too sad to carry on,I am so unhappy today,4 weeks to the day since she left me ,I am incomplete without her.Cannot eat or sleep properly,I have asked for help from certain areas but nothing as yet,I have pleaded with them that I need help,I am in such a bad place,traumatised by what I have seen during my wifes 8 weeks in hospital and hospice,no man should see his wife suffer like that.My mental health is on the floor,I feel like I will go insane with all this grief.It is eating me up.
I’m not sure there is a normal. We are all different. I lost my husband 2 years ago and I’m grieving so much. I don’t cry often, but I’m crying inside! Sometimes I just want to sleep, but my daughter keeps me going. I’m told you learn to live with it, but I’m finding it increasingly difficult. God bless you, keep remembering the happy times, that’s what I try to do (not always successful) my thoughts are with you.
That’s lovely that you had a nice time . I am obviously older than you as two years ago when my hubby died it was just days before our golden wedding.
As our 4 children are scattered round the uk I go to visit them by train .Obviously during the pandemic they came to me when it was safe .
Coming home to an empty house will always be strange but I so love spending time with our 9 grandchildren it is worth it .
I miss him all the time as though I often travelled without him he was here to collect me from station etc . The reunions were lovely .
However we(I) have a lovely home and sometimes I feel him here especially in the lonely evenings. I play music and light a candle by his photo and yes sometimes cry too .
Hope you continue to have happy times with your friends and family . Life won’t be the same but somehow we go on don’t we x
Please have a word with a close friend or the hospice or treatment centre where your wife was. They have been a great help to me because I felt exactly like you. No point in going in without my lovely husband. We have to go on. We really do. My husband died after 20 months from diagnosis just 26 weeks ago. I was talking to him this morning and I said that I didn’t think I could go 26 days without him. Now it’s morphed into weeks. Do I find every day a challenge? Oh yes. My heart is breaking and some days I don’t want to face the day, so I don’t. I hug my memories close to me, I cry and call his name. But it’s all part of healing. Please ask for the strength to go on putting one foot in front of the other. You’re not alone x
Thank you for a lovely message. Michael.
Thank you so much ,I am trying to get used to not having her around but it is so hard.Miss her so much,my world ,my life.Michael
It’s so hard Michael, it’s THE hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life and I’m positive it’s the same for you. Hang in there, take it an hour, a morning, an afternoon or a day at a time. That’s how I cope on a daily basis. You might not feel like it but you’ve done well so far. I try to tell myself that my George didn’t have a choice, his life was taken, so I have to live for us both now. My thoughts have been far darker than that, believe me but I have to think what he would say to me. Take care of you x Viv
I have been widowed a great many years and i used to go away on my own but no longer do
When i came back everything was as it was when i went away
But i always went on my own and i have never known what normal is like . As for me, my wife hadn’t been there for me to comè home to since 1982 when i was in the army and had completed my resettlement .
So for me i cant explain what normal is or means to me??? We will all have our own interpretation. Peace to alĺ x
Hi I know how you feel, my husband died 16 weeks ago and I’ve just been away with my daughter & 2 granddaughters to Spain for 5 days, something I would never have done with my husband as he didn’t fly, we had a lovely time the weather was wonderful the girls enjoyed it so much but even though my husband would not have been there it was so strange being there without him and I felt so guilty, missed him so much, he would have loved swimming in the sea with his granddaughters, coming home to an empty house was very difficult for the first few days , I’m going to have to accept that this is my new normal, going places, doing things without him trying not to feel the guilt of “enjoying” myself, yes there were tears lots of them when I was away and when I came home, I think acceptance is as hard to live with as hard as the grief that is with me all the time, enjoy your weekend away dont be too hard on yourself but understand how you’ll be feelings and go with it xx
Oh you are so nice,lovely message for me.The dark periods are scary.Michael.