How do you keep going with out them?
The pain disables you, they are never coming home. They were your support, your guide, your life and now they are gone. I want to go I’d ont want a life without them.
I’m trying to keep going for his funeral I promised I’d care for him, but each morning is harder, each day is longer every step takes more effort. They say it gets easier but it doesn’t. I’m lost I don’t know what to do apart from going with him
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@Kamodedo
I know where your coming from and I feel the same. We had the funeral last week and still my heart is broken in to a million pieces. I think a big part of me died when he left. I too wish I could be with him but I have family and friends to think of. They think I’m improving, and in some ways I am, as long as I keep super busy. But its the times when I’m alone and when I walk into this empty lonely house. The tears flow and flow. I too cared for him to the end and held him as he took his last breath. I promised him I would be ok and would carry on living and thats all that keeps me going . Please try to do the same. I know its so so hard, at times it feels impossible, but do it for him.
Please feel free to contact me at any time, maybe we can help each other.
Meanwhile keep pisting on here, it really helps to know there is support from people going through the same dreadful trauma.
Love and hugs
Liz
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Sorry for your loss,i lost my husband January this year so i feel the same as you .Give yourself time ,Grief is so hard ,but i feel sure your husband would want you to carry on Think of the good memories you shared together.Somehow you will find strength at his funeral.Take care
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Thank you for your reply, it helped knowing there are people how understand. Alot of people don’t if they have not been through it. They just say it gets easier, but how? The only thing that would ease what we feel is having the back and that will never happen.
I am scared to go home, I’m here now and it’s so quiet so empty, I can picture him here but he is not here.
I don’t want to live a life of longing, yearning and loss.
I’m happy to chat to you
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Please know that we are all here for you. We can’t take away the pain, we are all suffering that, but we can understand. I’m no longer scared to be at home, but I hate it, and sometimes the hurt and sadness is overwhelming and I cry for hours. I’m spending a few weeks away with my sister. I’m hoping some long seaside walks will help me sort my head out and maybe make sense of what I have to do to move on. I’m not sure that’ll happen, but I have to give it a try.
Please try to find something to take your mind off it, even for a short while. Go for a walk if you can, or visit a friend. Mostly try and remember the good times you had together, he’s still with you in your heart and no one can ever take that away.
Hugs
Liz
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I lost my husband suddenly in December 2021. I hate living in this house now without him, I am finally making a move later this year. I thought I was doing ok but tonight I broke down. I had a flashback to the image of him lying on the floor and he’s just stopped breathing.
Over an hour the paramedics worked on him but couldn’t bring him back. I’m crying now as I write this. I’ve never felt so lost. I thought I had done all my crying, but it’s so overwhelming. I feel I have let him down, he loved his garden but I can’t manage it and my sons don’t have the time to do it as they have their own lives and my daughter can’t bear to be in the house as there are too many memories. No one can understand how we feel unless they have gone through it. Their life is normal whereas ours is not and never will be again. Life is unfair, the plans we made now come to nothing , what’s the point when there’s no one to share them with.
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Oh @Beachgirl . I’m so sorry youre still suffering so badly. I’m fairly new to this dreadful journey but I think I feel the same about moving. I’m also going to find our garden a struggle. People keep saying I should wait a year before I make any decisioñs, but thats not going to change the fact that its too big for me and I can’t manage the garden. Please don’t feel that you’re letting your husband down. He will know your struggle and will only want what’s best for you.
You’re right when you say no one else can know how we feel unless they’ve been through it. I wouldnt wish it on anyone.
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I can only speak from my own experience
When I lost my mum I kept saying to myself I can’t keep going on but I eventually told myself I have to keep on going. It’s what my mum would want and never give up.
Grief is a journey where it seems there is no journey. It’s a painful horrible journey and it never ends. You feel as though grief has no time limit it’s all consuming. I changed when ny mum left me and god do I feel it.
Over the past twelve months I felt that I was beginning to move on, I will never forget him we had been together over 50 years and even when I move he will always be with me. But last night was a real step back. I never felt so low as I did. Maybe it’s a delayed reaction I don’t know. I know that even though it hurt I’m sure I never felt that bad when he passed away, maybe I was in shock as it was so sudden with no warning. One minute he was there then he’d gone. But this past year I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis and had a skin cancer scare a month ago. Thankfully the surgeon got it all. Maybe everything that’s going on got a bit too much, made me realise how vulnerable we all are in our position. People think that we are coping as we look normal on the outside, but they don’t know how we feel inside. Thank you for letting me go on, the things that our husbands did we obviously take for granted never imagining that one day we would have to take them over.
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Hi everyone I’ve had a really bad few days I haven’t got over his passing I have found it extremely hard this past year, it will be a year on 1st May since my husband passed and on Wednesday it would have been his birthday, last year my husband and I went for a meal so this Wednesday my daughter is cooking one of his favourite meals and were having a drink.
I have had Bereavement councilling last year and though I was helped a lot feel as though I have gone backwards instead so today have asked for help doctors putting me on antidepressants and someone from my surgery is getting in touch hopefully I can get on that path of trying to sort my life out as we all know we don’t have much choice in the matter take care
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@Beachgirl
I’m sure you’re grief has resurfaced. I’m not surprised with all you’re coping with.
We are vulnerable and as you say, we may seem “normal” on the outside but the turmoil continues on the inside. I know its still early days for me but I’m already getting the same reaction from some people. Because the funeral is over we must be ok now.
I too find things hard. I’ve tried to do a bit of painting but an awful lot of practical things I wont be able to do and I dont want to keep asking for help all the time, so I really think moving may be the answer, we had been talking about downsizing and he said when we can’t manage the garden, well now, although I shall try, I know its going to be too much for me. It was our pride and joy and always looked so nice. It breaks my heart to see it as it is now, but I just cant manage it on my own.
Please never apologise for “going on”. Thats what we’re here for, to try and help each other through
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@Jennison1946 .I’m so sorry youre struggling so much. I’m struggling too and have been trying to sort myself out. But seeing that you’re nearly a year on and I’m only 7 weeks I feel maybe I’m expecting too much of myself. I’m staying at my sisters for a couple of weeks hoping that long quiet walks by the sea might help to clear my head and show me a way forward.
As you say we don’t have any choice in the matter, so I’ve nothing to lose by trying. Trouble is I’m so broken I don’t know if I’ll ever mend
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Hi Liro so sorry for your loss and it’s only recently it’s a hard road we travel and I’m sure you’ll get a lot of comfort being at your sister’s all we can do is try to mend but it’s a tough mountain to climb I wish you well and take care
Thankyou Jennison1946.
I feel like I’ve been grieving for ever already. I am finding some comfort being at my sisters but part of me feels I’m just running away, and I’ve got to go back to face reality sooner or later.
You’re so right it is a very big mountain to climb but I’m sure we will all get at least some of the way in time
Love and hugs
Liz
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Thank you for your kind words, I totally agree about doing the practical things. I too have done a bit of decorating. The stairs need doing next but will have to wait till my son has the time as I won’t even attempt them. As you say your garden is too much, likewise I have the same problem, he loved his tropical plants and took great care to protect them through the winter months. Sadly I haven’t been able to do that and feel so sad that some haven’t survived., and the ones that have will have to stay here as they are now to big to move ( tree ferns and palms) some of the smaller potted plants will go with me if I don’t kill them first! I have a holiday planned with my son and two young granddaughters later this year then hopefully once back will see about getting the house valued and on the market. I feel a bit better today so thank you for talking to me. I hope your journey will become smoother in time
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Thankyou beachgirl. Im glad to hear that you feel a bit better today. Please feel free to talk me at anytime, I hope by listening I can be of some help. We are all on this forum for the same reason, so we all know what everyone is going through, and therefore have an understanding of each others problems. I know its helped me to share my thoughts and feelings here.
Take care
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Hello Liro your right being on this forum does help because we are all going through the same and you can download your feelings without being judged and although everyone on here is going through the same they also have time to give a helping hand to others you take care 
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Hello @Jennison1946
Yes its a really nice community of, sadly, like minded people all bound together by grief and the love for lost loved ones. We are all struggling, but posting and listening to others really does help
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You take care Liro
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Oh how well I understand every single word you say.
Lost my wife of 8 weeks,six months ago.
Everyone thinks I’m ok and I don’t want to be a burden on them and tell them how I really feel.
I reckon I’ve got another 15 years without her… should I become sick I will have no desire at all to make myself better
Why prolong this pain…
Believe me …
I know what you are feeling…
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