I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
You mentioned counselling, and Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
Hi Hulia,
These are extraordinary times we are having to bear, the loneliness is one of the worst, missing the one person who we shared everything with. I have quite a few friends that I can talk to but it’s been over a year since I lost my husband and I know they think I should have stopped crying by now, None of them have had a long marriage like we had so they just don’t understand. I no longer tell them when I have a bad day, which as this lockdown goes on and on is practically every day. This site has helped me, being able to write my thoughts down and knowing someone out there is going through the same thing. I hope it helps you too, say whatever you want, I can pretty much guarantee someone else is having the same thoughts. Take care
Poppi, thank you so much. Like you I feel I have no one that I can truly open up too.
Also if I start to talk about my husband I just start crying and I am not sure how my friends will cope with me crying while out for a walk.
So I try to put a face on while I am them and then I can cry when home on my own which just now is most of the time.
I used to love reading but I have no concentration therefore I sem to watch too my TV.
I know people who have been in the same situation and they say the pain never goes away, you just learn to cope a bit better.
Sending you a virtual hug and hope you are well.
Take care
Hello Jane2. It could have been me writing your words , exactly as I feel, I lost my wonderful husband just over a year ago from cancer , his diagnosis was given a year prior. I can’t seem to function at all , feel I’m in limbo waiting for him to come back and everything will be better again, knowing full well that will never happen.
I’m heartbroken, he was my world , we met when I was 15 and he 18 . 54 yrs together, I feel my life is worthless without him . I really feel the sadness in your words, why do these things happen, we had so many more years to be together x
Normski x
Hi sad2 I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my husband 3 years ago just before Christmas, and he meant the world to me, I felt the same as you, I just didn’t know what to do and where to turn, but I can say this, time is a good healer as they say and it will get better, and that goes for everyone on here who has lost someone. There is not a day goes by where I don’t think about him but I have managed to cope better now, I light a candle for him on significant days, infact I still have his ashes here with me, because I feel he is still with me. But believe me things will start to feel better
Hi Sue_k. Thank you for you kind message.
I know my loss is only a matter of weeks, and the time I had with him was shorter than many of the lovely people on here, but the days and nights are just getting worse. I still can’t believe he has gone, I want someone to tell me it’s a mistake and he’s still here with us. Every single minute of the day I think of him, think of all the things we did, places we went, and all the daft things we did.
I can hear his voice, his laughter, and see him sitting in his chair with a cup of tea in his hand. I walk around the rooms shouting and calling his name. I go to bed and talk to him and ask for a sign that he is here with me. I manage to fall asleep, but the minute I wake up all the sad thoughts are back with me again and it’s another day to get through. The pain and tears are not easing and I’m crying a lot more. I talk to myself and say be strong, don’t cry but I can’t help it. I don’t like even popping to the local shop as I’m scared I’ll bump into a neighbour and it’ll all start again. I feel like this is hell on earth. When wiil the pain go?
Sorry to be so down, I know we are all going through bad times.
Hello Normski,
Thank you for your kind words. It is so difficult on this grief journey. I’m glad for this site where we can feel free to release our feelings and get support from others who, sadly, understand all too well. Right now, it is hard to envision putting together a life, but I am hoping that someday this will be possible. In the meantime we must just keep on carrying on, I guess. There’s really not much other choice. I wish peace of mind
and better days for all of us. Take good care, Jane2
Thank you Jane2 , it’s strange you think it’s only yourself that could feel so much pain, when you look on this sight so many people are hurting so much and struggling to keep going , I hope with all my heart that we can feel a tiny bit of relief with the help of our lovely families. I can’t imagine any part of my life being nice just now without my special man Billy . But we must keep going Jane2
Thinking of you and knowing how you feel x
Normski xx
Never say sorry for saying how you feel. Sometimes I think I am hiding and using the lockdown as an excuse not to go out in case I see someone who will ask me about him. It happened once and I think I was rude but I couldn’t stand it, I couldn’t even say his name, just welled up and basically ran away.
@jane2 I’m thinking of you and hope you’re feeling a tad better,.It is so hard and confusing … I’m muddling 18 wks on and I don’t know who I am anymore. Just shattered completely into tiny pieces and trying to work and take steps. What is this strange place? Who am I? Where am I going ? My love goes out to you, it’s blinding like life just continues without him, it blows my mind x How can this be what life is about? How is this loss am ok thing? In my eyes, it will never be ok to be without my gorgeous man x I miss his presence in my life so much, I crave him x One minute I’m ok, the next I’m stunted, like a wounded bird, stumbling x we are broken x I’m truly broken as are many. X
Hello Sad2, So sorry for your loss as well. Five weeks is such early days. Everything is raw. I hope you have support in these tough times. For me, going on 12 months, I find that the strong emotions ebb and flow. It really is a roller coaster of emotions. I read somewhere that grief never really diminishes–we just learn to carry it better. I wish that for all of us–that we can someday carry it better. I so appreciate being able to come on this site and being able to pour out all the feelings-- good, bad and raw and “meet” all the lovely people who help lighten the load. Take care, Jane2
Hello Cinders21,
Thank you so much for the good thoughts and wishes. Yes, I do feel a tad better. It helps to be able to vent on this forum, get those feelings out and get the response and support from all the lovely people who are on here–although I deeply wish none of us were in this position of grieving.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Cinders21. I can relate to everything you are feeling and have written. It is a life shattering experience and the emotions are huge. It is a roller coaster of emotions. You can feel sort of ok and then suddenly be knocked to your knees with grief. Thank you for sending love, I send it back to you with hopes and wishes that your burdens lighten and there is a way to find peace of mind. I hope this for myself and for all of us here on this difficult road. Take good care, Jane2
I’m very sorry to read this, my husband died last year and I know how you are feeling, In fact you could have been writing about me. Sometime s I’m coping and others I am so completely lost. I do get it, Please take care and as everyone says be kind to yourself x
@Tru … its such a strange place to be x I hope the year has been kind to you and you have support.that you need x x Its all very confusing isn’t it?
I just wish I could turn back time and snuggle up with him x Then I dont want.to go through the trauma anf shock x People have such a hard time, its very hard to make sense of it all x Thinking of you x
I have read quite a few of the posts and understand exactly how you are all feeling. I wish I could tell you all that time is a great healer like everyone does but I don’t think it is. It will be 7 years in July since I lost my wife of 30 years and I felt exactly the same as you all. I lived with my darling for 33 years, we worked with each other as well. So I went from being with someone every waking hour of every day to nothing. I have great kids and Grandchildren and to be honest they are the only reason I am still here. I still have the thoughts you are all having now nearly 7 years on .its when you close the door on your house and you are alone is the worst time of all. I hope you all feel a little better soon. I am always here if anybody needs to talk.
Hi Eddie, have you considered the north west meet up after the world gets to some kind of normality? I can only think that to share pain is to shed some. I do not know if it will but you will be with people who have felt this indescribable pain of loss
Hi Ron I am going to attend the North West meeting too. I hope it gives us all some hope and that a friendship group will help us all to move forward a little. EDDIE, I hope you can come too.
Your comments are exactly as I feel. My darling husband died suddenly in our kitchen. His last words were calling my name as he fell onto the floor, after a heart attack.
I am living each day, with a feeling of terribly not wanting to face it knowing I am now never going to share all the things we were planning to do.
Friends are wonderful, but the emptiness, fear, anger and pain are the daily feelings that won’t go away. The hardest thing for me, is I really did take him for granted sometimes. I wish I had told him I loved him more. I regret this.
