Morning polly333
So sorry for your loss
So heartbreaking it really is
I go cemetery everyday but that’s it
It was my birthday yesterday didn’t celebrate it
Just felt lonely and scared
Take care xx
Eddie. Me neither with strangers but we are all strangers in one way and friends in another. Please re consider. Make it a challenge.
1 Like
Morning polly, sorry for your loss. What an awful way to lose a loved one. I feel the same as you to. I feel like i took my gusband for granted sometimes. I gave bad legs and so i relied on him a lot. He was the sweetest, kindess man you could ever meet. I did nag him to which i feel dreadful about but i tried to keep him eating healthy and exercising so that in retirement this year, we could do lots of things we dreamed of. That is all only a dream now.l am so lonely and when i close my door there is an emptiness. I loved him so much x
1 Like
I dont know I might whenever it’s on.
It will be posted no doubt on here after lockdown. Please do consider it. It is a lifeline for us all.
Hello Sue_k and everyone, I have been reading this site for many many weeks now. Even before my husband’s last day. I just needed to know that the way I was feeling , was ‘normal’ and I am not going mad.
My Jeff passed away 3 weeks ago and even though I knew he won’t be with me for much longer, I wasn’t ready. I wanted him to stay longer. I am in terrible state, but on the other hand, I am relieved. He is not suffering anymore. It was breaking my heart seeing him so purely. I am so grateful that he passed away at home with me. We had amazing 23 years together. Some days I find very comforting to have these lovely memories, and other days, these memories are extremely painful, and I can’t stop crying. I think of Jeff 24/7. Everything I do, we used to do it together. I miss him so much. Like most of you, I lost interest in everything. I do some tasks automatically, without any enjoyment. It is really hard and very sad.
Again, thank you for your support. I will keep reading. Having you all here, I don’t feel so lonely.
x
4 Likes
@Petra2020 Thinking of you x x Its so very shocking and frightful, unbelievable isn’t it? That someone can be taken like that. I’m almost 19 weeks on from losing my husband and it was such a time, I would wish on no one x Time simply distances us from the events which for me dominated my every waking thought and often in m6 sleep too. I would wake and hear music we both played in our duo and I would get anxious, think about how he was feeling, think about how he lost control at the end and how he felt he could something to turn it around. Bloody awful x I’m glad to say that although I still have flash backs, I am now at the stage where I grieve for him. Not th8nking so m8ch about the events and the chaotic and manic time it was. However calm, logical, pragmatic accepting it simply rocks us, every thing we believe, every safe comforting moment, every thing is blown into smithereens x I hope you have support. People will mean well, saybthe right things, do the right things and then they will do and say the wrong things, it’s so hard for them to get everything right. One of the things I struggled with was my daughters and family, they were so devastated for me and so very sad. Bit, they could walk away, they had not lost the dominant person who was there every day of their lives … they went home and it was like in their lives, they were sad and unhappy but life was reletively normal for them x Being there for him was so special so try really hard to be thank ful but I know that doesn’t change, 'gone, it’s such a mighty loss my dear x Keep posting and keep putting one step in front of the other, don’t rush accept your loss and be kind and forgiving to yourself. This is not an easy ride but we will get there x x
2 Likes
Thank you Petraeus
You have said all my thoughts. It is so difficult trying to show people on the outside that each day we are getting stronger, when all we really want is a cuddle and reassurance from the very person who we are grieving for. My friend suggested we should bye a large pillow case with our loved ones image on, and sleep with it to hold A cuddle cushion…I’m awake early, not much restful sleep…no sounds…emptiness.
My husband has been gone 8 weeks now. I have his pillow with his pyjama top over it and laying in my bed. It smells of him and i cuddle it for comfort. X
1 Like
Lovely xx That must be a comfort.
Hello Cinders21,
I admire your strength. Sometimes I think I can’t even last until tomorrow. I am pleased to hear that the flashbacks will go away one day. I still see the last horrendous two weeks, and mainly last four days of my husband’s life. His family is lovely, but we are very small unit. His mum, dad (in their bubble), his sister and brother-in-law. My family live far away and they can’t visit me anyway, but my mum is calling me every day to check on me. Since Jeff passed away, I had Jeff’s family around nearly every week. They like feel the energy of the house/Jeff. Plus his ashes are here, nicely displayed as well. They fell connected. I always look after them and comfort them, but their last visit wasn’t great. To much to drink, to much sadness. His mum never calls me, same his dad, but they always did, when Jeff was alive. They are waiting for me to invite them. WHY? I have been in their family for over 23 years. I know that they lost their son, but my husband was like my child, lover, best friend, husband and far more. We never had any children as Jeff never wanted to share his love with anyone else. I respected his decision and we really didn’t need to have anybody around us. Our love and company was enough. I really hope things will get better. best wishes, Px
1 Like
Hello Bubba, that is lovely. I should do the same. I would feel less alone.
I spent most of my time in my husband office. His glasses, his handkerchief, his wallet are still at the same place. We used to love sitting there together. it was so lovely to see him working. He loved his job. BUT another day, I feel so sad seeing all these items around me. I often ask myself: WHY, why it has to finish so soon. x
2 Likes
Hello POLLY333, I was up early yesterday too. Some days I can sleep OK, others I can’t. Your friend is very thoughtful. Yes, the emptiness is terrible. I am just not enjoying anything. I am normally very happy and positive person. BUT since I lost Jeff, I lost myself as well. You were married over 40 years. that is amazing. x
Petraeus, the saddest thing, is David was young at heart, enjoyed life, enjoyed holidays, enjoyed company…he was so enthusiastic about anything…I have completely lost my rytham of life…I can’t ever think that anything I do now, without him, will ever be enjoyable. I know friends try hard to make me feel wanted, but no one can ever fill the void I have right now.
POLLY333, yes, I know what you mean. Nobody would ever fill the void. The emptiness which we are experiencing is awful.
Sometime I go to bed at 6pm as I can’t bare the day as it is - without Jeff. He was my power and life. He was there with me and most importantly, we enjoyed everything together. When I was gardening, he was there watching. When I cook, he was there pouring a glass of wine for me, when I went to work, he walked with me to the train station so he was everywhere with me. I feel so alone now, so lonely. Like I am watching some film and I am not apart of it. I just see the movements and I am just staring at everything.
Your David was young at heart, enjoyed life, enjoyed holiday and most importantly, he was enthusiastic so not having him around is terrible. I really feel for you. David gave you purpose of living and enjoying things together. Jeff was the same. I am missing his spark so much. Without his spark, I can’t really function. x
1 Like
@Petra2020 thank you x think my strength is also my weakness x I’m.unwelk today and have not been able to work x feel so poorly x is this an after.effect.of grief? Feel a failure x
I am so sorry for your loss . It truly is devastating facing a future without them 
@Cinders21 I hope you can feel better soon, the stress we are all going through at the moment probably makes it more likely that we will pick up something nasty
Dear Cinders21, I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. Are you better today? I wasn’t on site when you replied. I just could not stop crying.
One thing is, that you are not a failure. Missing your lovely husband is absolutely normal, especially when you both planned the future together. This is what is devastating. Poor you, you were only married in August 2020 and this earthquake came along. That is traumatic. The way I feel now, I would never be able to recover from loosing my pressures buy. Px
1 Like
Thank you …all of you x it seems I am.having a fibromyalgia flare up x Ain’t.that just.great x x I’m weary on pain relief, organised bereavement councelling and I am just.taking a few days … hoping to be back on it on Monday x I have to keep going x Mentally and physically punished ! I have had visits from my daughters and I am taking it easy x Love.to.all of you
3 Likes