My Mum passed away in November last year of cancer. She died in a lot of unnecessary pain it was traumatic to watch and I still relive her final days over and over again. It’s unbearable sometimes and I miss her every minute of every day
One thing that is upsetting me now nearly three months on are my friends. They say the most loveliest things on texts and emails but when they arrange to meet me, they don’t even mention her. They’ll start by saying “how are you” to which I say something like “bad days and not so bad days” (I can’t use the word good because nothing is good right now). Then they move on to whatever they need to get off their chest. I then spend the rest of the time not hearing a word they’re saying because I feel like my brain hasn’t the capacity for their problems. Sounds awful I know and I’m normally the listener but right now I need someone to listen to me. No one acknowledges her to me, not my colleagues or close friends…only on messages which I find so strange. I just wondered if anyone else is or has experienced this.
Firstly Sal I’m so sorry you have lost your mum. My friends where wonderful when I lost my husband but now they don’t come to see me and only text if I text them first. If I text I’m a bit down they change the subject about there day I think it’s maybe cause they don’t know want to say and feel awkward. But I just need a hug sometimes. One day it will happen to them and then they will know how it feels to be alone and scared for the future. Bless you and keep posting on here we are all in same boat so know what your going though .
Hi I lost my mum also to cancer in november 2021 and I’m having the same issues with friends…and family! It’s like theyve forgot straight after the funeral and moved on wheres it hit me and became more real after the funeral and I’m struggling knowing my mums never coming back 
I also feel like I am everyones ‘go to’ with their problems and to be blunt I carnt be arsed to listen …to the point I’d rather be on my own. Which then makes me feel low I feel angry and want to scream and tell them have you forgot I’ve just lost my mum 
but in fairness I think its their way of coping round me 
I tell myself its early days but I love to talk about my mum but carnt incase I dampen the mood.
Always here to chat keep strong it’s a long process and we all deal with it differently 
I can empathise with everyone’s comments on this post and to some extent I feel kind of exonerated as it’s also happening to me and I thought it was something I was doing/hadn’t done.
I have a friend that I have known for over 20 years and considered to be like a sister. She was there for me when mum took ill and on the day of the funeral which I will always be grateful for and still love her dearly but since New Year’s Day haven’t heard a peep really except the odd text. I actually asked her if I had done something wrong and she replied no but still heard nothing from her and I now don’t want to always be first to text.
Some family text at least once a week whilst others don’t really seem to give a 
.
Like you I wanna talk about my mum as she had a great life and was an amazing lady
Feel somewhat cheated and let down by a lot of folk.
Love to you all who miss their loved ones
Suzanne x
Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond to me, I really appreciate it. You’ve all said things that mirror how I’m being treated and have made me feel like I’m not the only one being treated like this.
You’re so right @Misprint until they go through what we have they have no idea. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your husband, cold comfort words I know but I can’t imagine your pain. You must miss him constantly and you must feel so robbed. Why does this happen? The love of your life, I don’t get it, I don’t understand this world, life is so cruel. You brave and amazing lady to get up every day and keep going.
@Lisa12 I could have written what you wrote, word for word. I too have been feeling worse since the funeral when everyone said it would help. I can’t believe I will never see her again. I need to see her, I need to know she’s ok. You’re so right, it’s such early days for us still but it’s like we should be somehow ‘over it’ by now. I feel the same and want to scream at my friends “shut up, I don’t care!”
After I posted this morning, a friend who I actually saw on Tuesday and who never mentioned my Mum at the time, messaged me today to say that it was lovely to see me the other night and wondered how I was “about everything” now. What do you say to that?!
I too love to talk about her and it’s not always sad stuff, if only they’d ask. But yes. I end up wanting to be on my own too rather than see friends as well which isn’t good for us but is the better option.
@Suzanne30 I would have been the same and wondered what I had done wrong too. How awful that you felt that way with everything you’re feeling. My mum too had a great life😍 well travelled etc and had some fantastic stories! I miss her so much. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that I will never see or speak to her again. What’s even more sad is that I know she’ll be missing me too. It’s like someone has slammed the door shut between us mid conversation.
My thoughts are with you all xxx
Hi
Lost my mum 1 year ago today.
This sounds very similar to me. My close friend who I felt was more like a sister to me, we had done so much together. She was very good with my mum and said she loved her. She even had a canvas print done and hung it on her wall. Her boys loved to visit mum and always asking about her. She had supported me throughout, and supported me at the funeral, but then 2 weeks after she sent me a text saying there is no friendship between us anymore, no explanation given, I called her to ask what had I done to make her break off our friendship, she wouldn’t answer my call or my texts. What also makes it worse is I have to work with her and feel so paranoid as the other girls at work who she called everything, she is now best buddies with. I have issues with family as they are quite selfish and never offered me any support towards mum. Mum was my world. We spent 58 years together she was the most amazing and precious mum I could ever have wished for. Life has been so shit since I lost my mum.
Hugs
Joy
Its seems us ladies who have lost our precious mums/husbands are feeling exactly the same about the support we arnt getting from friends and family …these chats with you all are already are making me feel less isolated and even less selfish as I was starting to feel it was ‘me’ …were all experiencing lack of support in one way or another but theres one thing for sure and I know you will all agree we have the most precious memories and guardian Angel’s looking over us always 
look after yourselves and we are always here for each other on this forum. Much love 
I am same,my friend is being fantastic,but family only text if I text first,all apart from one of my cousins who phoned me everyday.
I don’t know think anyone quite understands the loneliness.I love talking about mum as she was and still is my world x
It’s certainly helping me as well. My mum was my cheerleader, there was nothing I couldn’t say I was going to do where she wouldn’t back me. She was always right there beside me helping or telling me I could do or be anything I wanted.
@JP20.J much love to you for today. It can’t be easy knowing it was soon to be February and now you’re here on the day. I bet it’s flown but at the same time felt so long. Do you have any plans today? Do you feel like celebrating her or just having a peaceful day? Would love to know your plans if you have any and I wonder if your friends have remembered!
@Lisa12 May I ask what day in November your lovely mum fell asleep? Mine was the 10th. My hat goes off to @JP20.J as I’m absolutely dreading the first anniversary and I know it’s ages away. It sounds silly I know but please let us know how your day was. We May be able to find some strength for when it’s ours. I’m so sorry with how you’ve been treated by your so called friend. It seems that it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends with someone, they never fail to surprise you. 58 years is amazing, no wonder you miss her so much that’s a long time x
Hi, like all of you I feel abandoned by some of my friends, im really shocked. Thankfully I’ve got a couple of friends who ring and txt, (they dont live close by) but my local friends seem to have forgotten.
One thing everyone has said is how they want talk about their mums, then let’s do it, tell us all about your lovely mum.
I’ll start, my mum was 90, we’d just celebrated her birthday ( late because of Covid restrictions) she got to hold her brand new great Grandson. She was the eldest of 3, she was very close to all her family. They didn’t have a lot financially but had lots of love for each other. She was married to dad for 62 years before he died in 2013, she managed surprisingly well without him but hardly a day went past without her talking about him and she missed him dreadfully They had 3 children, 5 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren ( Dad never got to meet them). Mums smile lit up a room, she was quiet until she got to know you and then she could talk for England. I miss her so much and I feel like I’ve lost Dad again too. Unfortunately my brothers and I are not close but my husband and children are my world now but even they don’t talk about mum as much as I want to. Who is next?, let’s celebrate our lovely mum’s
Hi Joy,
Firstly condolences to you on losing your mum as can empathise totally 
Secondly what your ‘friend’ did you is selfish, nasty and unforgivable imo. I would like to say that she was possibly protecting herself from grieve if she too was close to your mum but I just can’t understand how she could do that to you especially at a time you need her most.
I was meant to be going on holiday this month with my friend too but she cancelled it and I think there is a greater personal (to her not me) that she’s being like this but if she won’t tell me I can’t help but take it personally.
It must be so hard too for you to still have to work with this person. I know it’s hard to do but rise above her and keep speaking to the others as they might inadvertently be able to shed some light on what happened.
Take care,
Suzanne x
Sal46 my mum fell asleep on no member 27th
CIT …what a lovely idea to talk about our mums … your mum sounds lovely she must have loved her family and grandchildren as nannans/grandma do very much and what a fab age 90 fantastic years and to meet her new great grandson must have been lovely to see precious memory forever
So… my mum passed with cancer having been diagnosed in july and passed in November which wasnt very long she was 74 and mum to me as an only one I gave her 4 beautiful grandchildren 3 boys and one girl and 2 great grandchildren a boy n girl she was happily married to my dad for 53 years and I’m lucky to still have dad they struggled financially at times too when I was younger but gave me the best life and spent many years taking my children in turn on their many caravan holidays.
My mum was the most organised person you could ever meet to the point since she passed (when she was able) weve found notes and list she wrote of where she kept things and how to deal with money and bills for my dad 
it’s made us smile and cry many times she even wrote out everyone’s cards for this year.
She was a no nonsense kind of lady and everything was done to the letter but she was the best mum…friend…nannan… wife and sister we could have ever wished for. She gave the biggest hugs and made even the hardest days seem so much better. We miss her so much
My mum
Passed away on Monday,she was world,we lived together,we did everything together and I currently have no idea how I’m going to navigate this world on my own,I am so lonely,and one friend and one cousin who have bothered to check in with me everyday since Monday,when my world fell apart.
Mum was such a strong lady,she coped with everything life through at her,we lost my dad in 1997 when I was 17,and she carried on.Shr would do anything for anyone and making people happy was what she was good at.
She loved baking and doing word searches and sudokus and reading war saga books,and I’m not sure I can be as strong as her.
Last night I asked her a sign on how I was going to cope,then I looked up Sharon was on Eastenders saying to Ben ,Fake it till you make it,so I’m guessing that was her sign on what to do.She was never one for all my tears and drama,she was more just get on with it,she was an amazing lady and one that I hope to
Make proud.
Oh I’m so sorry for your loss, there’s nothing anyone can say at this stage, just hang on in there and know we’re here online for you.
She sounds like a lovely Mum and Nannan. Being an only child I’m sure you’ve had a lot to do to support your dad. Talking about them keeps them alive in our hearts x
Thank you so much,I feel so lost and lonely,I’ve never been good at being on my own,and now I won’t see anyone till next week,the next few days are going to be unbearable,thank you for replying,it means a lot x
Chat to us on here if your feeling alone I have to admit I’ve felt better chatting on here realising I’m not alone, mostly experiencing same emotions…anger…fear etc I just want to scream somedays had a bit if an emotional day today…dad asked if I would help sort out mums perfumes hairspray etc from her drawers weve come across many things including her spare bottom teeth and a bikini shaver we did chuckle a little n have comfort from knowing mum would have found that funny looking down on us. Sometimes a little chuckle makes me feel guilty but I know mum wouldn’t mind. Definate mixed emotions…please chat to us if you feel alone sending hugs
@Lisa12 Thank you so much,I’m sorry you have had an emotional day.I can’t imagine sorting through my mums things so did well.This forum has been an amazing,just knowing everyone is going through the same.Thank you so much,chatting definitely helps.
I never thought I would read ‘spare bottom teeth and a bikini razor’ in one sentence so with no offence that gave me a chuckle too so thank you 
Suzanne x