Have you inherited your mum’s baking skills? My mum was a keen knitter and I found a couple of half finished baby cardigans amongst her things, unfortunately I’m not a knitter so I’ll have to find someone else to finish them for me. Someone suggested keeping a journal, writing down the things I want to say to mum, it just made me cry, but that’s ok I guess!
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I keep a journal and ‘talk’ to my mum every night. Some nights I canna see the words through my tears but I do more often than not feel ‘better’ and it does help me sleep.
Hopefully you’ll give it a try and feel some benefit,
Suzanne x
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Wow! This I’ve been reading everyone’s messages and it’s filled my heart!
@Lisa12 Your Mum sounds just like my Mum with the organisation! I too found spare top teeth and a hammer! Which was strange because my husband did all her DIY! I’m still going through her things now and my god she was so organised! She was quite good with the old tech a while back and so she had a laptop. A few weeks after she passed I found a letter entitled “Instructions for when I fall off my perch!” She had typed it a few years ago but I didn’t find it until I was in the middle of sorting her home. Everything that I had already done and was doing at that point was exactly what she wanted so I was really pleased and relieved but it was bitter sweet to find.
@Bookworm I didn’t realise you only lost you Mum on Monday, I am so sorry that you have to join this club. You must feel like your in some parallel universe. How I described it that early on was I felt like I did when I was little when I lost my Mum in a department store and couldn’t find her. It was the exact same feeling. I still have that sometimes nearly three months on, it’s a panic like no other. The silence is the worst for me now. She used to ring all the time, even in the night if she couldn’t get comfortable and I’d go round until she fell asleep.
I lost my Dad in 1999 suddenly to a heart attack and I thought somehow I would be stronger and know what to expect when Mum passed because at least this time, I could see it coming as she had cancer but I wasn’t and didn’t and also didn’t realise that I would feel like an adult orphan. I would imagine that’s how you feel too @CIT? Your mum sounds like a wonderful lady. 90 is amazing but losing someone at 9 or 90, that grief can bring you to your knees no matter what their age is so I hope you don’t get the cliché of “at least she had a good innings”… I loathe that expression.
About my Mum…she passed away in November she was 76 and due to turn 77 on NYE. She had cancer for a third time. She had double breast cancer 17 years ago, she fought and beat that, she then had bowel cancer in 2011 and fought and beat that then five years ago (on my birthday of all days) she was told that she had bone cancer which was a secondary cancer to the double breast she had beaten in 2004, so cruel. It was stage one and she was told that there was no reason why she couldn’t live her life to the full keeping it at Stage 1 with various treatments but then the pandemic hit and all cancer treatment ceased. The demon took off like wild fire and spread rapidly attacking her liver and eating away at her. She broke bones etc and she just declined rapidly from June 2020 until November.
She was a tough cookie though! She never ever complained and just took everything on the chin on all her battle fields. She was a strong Kiwi bird having travelled from NZ to England in 1965 at the age of 20. She travelled the world in her early 20’s and led the most fun life! Back packing her way round Europe in the 60’s, parties galore she said and she ended up working and partying in London. That’s where she met my Dad, at a party in London, and never went home.
I don’t have children and it’s now too late for me. I worry my husband and I won’t have a ‘me’ to look after us in our old age.
This is the best chat I have had about my Mum since my Mum passed away x
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Just wish there was a way we could all be closer to each other so we could toast and talk about all our great mums 
x
Keep posting everyone as it’s nice to read about them all as they all sound very similar in that they just ‘got on with it’, ‘didn’t want to worry anyone’ and loved us all dearly xx
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@Sal46 Thank you,it’s tough,feels like I’m drowning,mornings are the worse as I wake up and then remember all over again.This group has been amazing for me,so supportive,and with not much support and feeling lonely it helps a great deal
Your mum
Sounds like a wonderful lady who has lived a great life and just like my mum she was a warrior xxx
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it is one of the greatest disappointments in life this topic you share.
it happens to me all of the time.
it is not them. we all have to unload. I am sorry they are not putting you first. I hear you.
life moves so rapidly. too much so. all humans can barely keep up.
you are not alone. I feel for you. people are forced into acting strong to survive when in reality, we are jelly inside. 
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Yes bookworm the mornings are the worst, I completely agree. What is that about? This was the one thing I knew I would be opening myself up to when my mum passed as I had it with my Dad. It’s not like we don’t know what’s happened so why does it feel like groundhog day every morning. First thing for me is still like that now but I don’t always get that punch in the stomach feeling now so know that that physical pain first thing will subside and not feel so intense.
What do you have planned today? Thinking of you x
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@Sal46 your Mum sounds like a real adventurer and a real batler, to fight cancer so many times, she certainly had it tough. I feel guilty that I haven’t spoken to my mum for so long, crazy isn’t it. We lived quite a distance apart but I spoke to her 3 or more times a week and she came to stay every 6 weeks, until the pandemic of course. Like so many people I feel sad that I hardly saw her in her last 18 months because of the restrictions. I think losing a second parent is a massive blow, like you said that adult orphan thing is weird but inevitable. But it’s losing that connection to your childhood I guess. Keep your mum’s memory alive by talking about her, were all happy to listen.
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@Sal46 thank you for replying,I don’t know why mornings are the worst but,every morning waking up and remembering all over again,it’s like it’s all new and I’m just handle it well .
I won’t be seeing any actual people this weekend as they are all busy,my family are having a day out without me,they didn’t even ask me to
Come,even though it would have been a welcome distraction.I’m trying to to a bit of housework and I have do my nebuliser (I should do it twice a day,I have done it once since Monday.
I hope you have a good day and thank you for writing xx
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I’m having a bad morning just crying. It’s so lonely waking up with out him by my side. Oh I wish he was here . Feel so alone
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I’m so sorry you are having a bad day,I too struggle with mornings,waking up and remembering all over again is so hard.
I hope you find some comfort today xx
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Hi,
Yesterday was such a tough one, I met with 2 of the girls who looked after mum when I was at work. It was lovely chatting to them, we all shed tears and it helped get me through the day. I then spent the evening at home on my own cuddling the last picture I took of her in hospital thinking about how she had suffered the last 4 days of her life. My life is nothing without mum, she was and still is my world, my heart was broken and beyond repair. Miss and love her forever.
Thankyou for your kindness.
Hugs.
Joy
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So sorry for your loss,I am writing this floods because my mum was and still is my world too,it feels like I have no one else who really cares about me,and like you my world means nothing,I just want to be with my mum,she was and still is my everything and I’ll never understand why she left me x
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I also feel no one else cares about me. I feel totally alone and I can’t wait until I’m with my mum again. I’ve been in tears this morning thinking what is the point of life. Sorry to be so negative but that is how it makes you feel.
Sorry for your loss.
Hugs
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Your not alone on here… already within a week I feel better for sharing my feelings o with others going through the same thing and experiencing the same emotions and feelings its honestly the best thing I’ve done coming on here …please share your feelings and fears with us it really does help. Sending lots of strength and hugs to you 
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I am so sorry for your loss.This is how I feel all the time,but I do know my mum wouldn’t want me think like that,she was no nonsense lady,who just got on with things and I know she want me to do the same,but it’s terribly hard,however I have survived the weekend so far without seeing another person and I do feel
Proud of myself for that
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This forum has helped me so much,too,I can’t believe that tomorrow it will be a week since I lost my beautiful mum.I know I have to get through this ,I’m just not sure how I’m going to do it
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We care and we’ve got you. It feels like you’re doing time until you can see her again doesn’t it. It’s a physical unbearable pain like no other. I was out yesterday and started crying in front of a woman who works in the shop I was in. God knows what she thought. I was just thinking “oh mum would have loved this” and then I could feel myself going.
I miss her so much and the pain is intolerable.
One week bless your heart @Bookworm You must still feel so numb. I just want to hug you so you feel we understand. Do you have a date for her celebration yet? We will help you through. @Lisa12 is so right, we must keep posting our fears.
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Hi
Work was so hard today, as not one of my colleagues mentioned about my mum. I had last Friday off. I feel as though I am invisible. Seeing the so called friend just viles me. I hate life. I can’t help but take everything personal, my life gets harder to live.
I used to have holidays with her to help her with her 2 boys, but all she interested in was telling her colleagues about this coming weekend when she is going to Yorkshire for a long weekend.
Sorry, needed to Express the way things get to me.
Thanks.
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Hi @JP20.J
Don’t apologise for how you feel and I am sorry that you are having to go through all this. I just don’t understand people tbh and can’t believe that they are being so insensitive. Do you have any mutual friends/colleagues that you could find out what’s gone on or have you just thought enough’s enough and cut your losses?
You are not invisible, you are grieving the loss of a loved one and someone you thought you could rely on…both of which I can relate to.
Be kind to yourself and don’t let anyone put you down.
Suzanne x
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