I have been thinking a lot
There are so many stages in our lives where we find our selves surprised and wondering why no one talks about it
No one talks how motherhood is such hard work, no one talks how breastfeeding can be so difficult, no one talks how hurtful can be to deal with teenage Kids changing moods. Most of the time it seems that everyone else finds life easier than you do
I imagined that loosing a husband was difficult and painful but I never guessed it was as devastating as it is. I never knew the void it has created in my life and how I felt/feel that the woman I was died when Jack did. I never knew how that even small things in life would become so meaningless without my beloved
We all talk how me miss our husbands , how strange life is without them. But no talks about how the physical presence we miss
I miss so much having his hand in my shoulder. I miss the feel of his hand on mine. I miss been kissed and and his warmth close to me.
I miss feeling safe and secure, I miss the way my whole body felt when Jack was close to me . Sometimes I close my eyes and try to recall that feeling of been embraced ā¦
How I miss my Jack -
Sadie
Nobody could ever guess that losing someone could be this excruciatingly painful Sadie. You speak a lot of sense. I think we can all relate to the things you say you miss. Oh, that closeness. I force myself to remember that feeling, the sound of his voice, his laugh, everything about him. I never want to forget those things. When we were out walking, I would slip my arm through his. God, it kills just thinking about it. But then I smile and even laugh out loud, as I remember him coming up behind me, his big hands at the ready - you know what comes nextā¦
My dear Sadie, how beautifully put and so, so true every last word that you have written. I donāt think anyone could have explained what losing a loved one would mean or how it would affect us.
I also miss myself, where have I gone, where is the Pat that used to be, will I ever find my way back. I smile, I laugh, I chat, I am sociable but I am not me and nothing around me seems real either. It is so very strange. I do exactly as you do. I close my eyes and imagine him striding towards me with his long stride and a smile on his face.
Bless
Pat xx
Bless you Pat - but I donāt think either you or any of us will go back to the way it was
A few days ago one of my daughters said to me ā I want my mum backā and I cried with her and I explained that I have changed so much that the fun and funny person I was is not here anymore.
What is amazing is that I didnāt know that so much of my qualities, so much of the way I was as a mum and as a person it was because Jack was here with me - this support his strength made me strong and supportive ( he said I had the same effect on him)
Hi. Sadie. What you have described is life. Thatās how it is. If we can go through life with no problems then we are indeed blessed. But itās not just possible as we all know. Being a mother and a housewife is hard work, and the sooner men realise that the better. Having a job and being a partner is even more demanding.
And you are so right. Few are prepared to say how much they miss physical contact. The touch of a hand, a hug and the warmth of someone close to you at night. Itās so very painful when such memories occur.
But they are memories and although they can bring some comfort they more than often cause distress. At some stage the happier memories take over and the painful ones seem less distressing. That has been my experience although not everyoneās. I feel for you because I too miss my wifeās warmth, but I am trying to replace such thoughts with more positive ones. Life goes on and everyone in their turn will experience this pain. Take care and a hug to get you over the day. John.
Hi Jonathan,
I donāt think my thoughts and my longing for Jack are negative or harmful - as you say they are just life - they are painful but they are also wonderful because is a memory of what I had
Positive thoughts and actions are not just pink and rosy and fluffy - from pain positive things come out. As the lotus that grow in dark muddy waters
Sadie
Dear Sadie
Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel!
It is the physical absence that can sometimes be excruciatingā¦I keep Barry in my heart but I so long to be able to put my head on that part of his chest where it fitted perfectly,ā¦he made me feel so safe (as I am sure Jack did you.) How blessed we are though to be able to close our eyes and rememberā¦It helps give us strength for the next step.
Take care everyone x
I think this is why lockdown has been so hard for everyone who is grieving. The lack of physical comfort, the hand holding, kisses on the back of the neck,. I have been left with an awful feeling of loss. Not being able to have a hug from anyone during this time of need, has been soul destroying. I now take a velour soft toy to bed to cuddle. Just like I used to hold Steveās hand. I never realised that grief hurt so much, a physical pain in your stomach.
Oh WOW!!! What a beautiful poem. I have always said that love is indestructible. Nothing can touch it or do it any harm. āAn endless source of powerā, oh yes indeed!! Thank you.
Me too, Sad Sadie, I miss my neck being kissed, I miss him coming up behind me when Iām cooking and giving me a hug, putting his. arm round me watching tv on the sofas., holding my hand while weāre out or having a walk.We had been enjoying our daily permitted walks together and now there is no one we can be physically close to just when we are desperate for a cuddle and a hug. Itās so cruel.My Malc was so solid and reliable, always at my side and making me feel so safe and secure, he somehow anchored me and now I just feel floating and lost. Sorry to go on, but itās feeling very painful and hopeless this morning, x
Good morning Mrs Colt such a lovely quote could I possibly ask where you got it from I would love to send it to my friends who have also lost their partners. Thank you sending love and hugs to you. X carolX
Hi Carol. I think it would be a beautiful gesture to send to another grieving person. I hadnāt thought of doing that. I have a couple of friends who have recently lost their men too.
Hi Carol, I came across it online and if I am not mistaken it was on a site called compassionate friends hope that helps. I too thought it was lovely and full of positivity for our future. Much love
I also found this quote a comfort when my first husband died suddenly, I didnāt believe it then, but now I know itās true, took a long time but life did get easier. Now I look at it again as Iāve recently lost my darling second husband Tony. Iām heartbroken and lost, this gives me hope at an incredibly devastating time. Maybe it will offer comfort to someone.
Thinking of everyone who are suffering the pain of losing a soul mate.
Love
Christina x
āBe like the bird who, pausing in her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing she hath wings.ā
hope that helps. I too thought it was lovely and full of positivity for our future. Much love 