Oh thank you! That is so lovely and hope giving!!! x
I’ve looked up Donna Ashworth. Lots of good stuff. Worth taking a look when you have a bit of time to spare. Thanks for bringing her to our attention Mrs Colt.
Sadie you are so right . I lost my husband nearly five years ago and my grief is still as raw. It’s the small personal things isn’t it? I miss the little things like when watching tv we would sometimes just look at each other no words needed. The sound of his voice the way if I came home and he was there he would have a cup of tea for me. His humour. Waking up seeing his head on the pillow and knowing that I was the luckiest woman alive. I miss him so dreadfully and am frequently in tears. They say time is a great healer but I am afraid I don’t agree it’s always there. I am so grateful we had our time together but it was no enough. I do so feel for you xx
I just read a book called “The other side of Sadness “ and one of the points stressed in the book is that we are resilient . That doesn’t mean we forget, it doesn’t mean we don’t feel broken but we will survive
It will be a roller coaster, one moment we cry we feel despondent, sad and fragile. The next we look strong doing all the stuff that life requires but in either period we must remember that we are resilient
Hello Sadie and Bell, hope you are feeling ok today, or as ok as is possible. I can believe it can go on for a very long time, we have loved them so much. But you’re right we are resilient and we’ll somehow keep managing, ridding the waves when they knock us down and sometimes lift us up again. Keep posting, , this helps up survive , or keep on going on, as someone once said. Love to all who are suffering today x
Hi. Bell. Welcome. You will find nothing but understanding and help on this site. I believe that to talk about bereavement when you have not felt the pain is pointless.
The analogy I have used before may be helpful. When in the days of sail the captain of a ship in a storm would lower his sails and head into the wind until the storm passed. To try and resist the storm and sail on would have meant disaster. So with us. Storms always pass and while we can never ever forget we can allow emotions and feeling to express themselves without resistance. Grief is a process, and like all processes it does change and become less painful. I know many say time makes no difference, but in my experience it does. Take care and Blessings.
It’s the physical I find difficult. All the plans that are now destroyed mean nothing. It’s the hand on my leg while driving or when I get into bed the hand on my shoulder checking I’m there. You probably find people say they are looking at you and smiling. For me it’s the physical I want. I sleep with her pillow beside me. No compensation but it all I have.
You do whatever you need to do to cope day by day hour by hour
Me too, I sleep on his side of the bed and cuddle his sweater which was losing his smell so I’ve sprayed it with a bit of his body spray and it feels right again.It’s definitely his touch I’m missing , like you, his hand to hold, his hand on my cheek, his arm gently resting on my shoulder. If only we could close our eyes and feel those things! Guess we have to keep trying. Courage to all x
Dear Sadie you have described exactly how I feel. I miss the physical touch of Ed which would make me feel so safe and special at times. He would massage my toes when we were sat on the sofa watching tv and I would feel so relaxed and sometimes just drift off. I still sometimes stretch my leg out expecting him to start massaging my feet. I try to imagine the feel of his skin next to mine in bed. I think I am coping some days then like today every song every thought has me in tears missing him and begging for him to visit me just once. There is no pain like this. I feel I am just existing till it’s time for me to be with my Ed. We had so much fun together and loved each other completely. Thank you Sadie for putting into words how we really feel.
Like you I find I can cope at times and then find myself willing my husband to come back to me. That yearning for his physical presence is overwhelming at times and I can’t imagine ever being reconciled to the finality of his death. we have all lost someone so intrinsic to our existence it’s impossible to describe. Those unique moments of togetherness and unconditional love that defined our lives. The road ahead without them was not part of the plan.
You’re so right, we never contemplated being in this position and it’s such unknown territory that we’re floundering in. No one to support us the way we need , not for lack of people trying, but the only one we really need at this terrible time is them. Oh for that stabilising reassuring dependable loving hug! . He always made me feel so safe and protected xx
And isn’t it interesting how the physical aspect is little talked about?
And the finality if it all is so so hard
Hope you have a good day xx
All I keep being told is she is looking down on me. That is no compensation for the warmth, touch, sound and everything physical. Only those who have experienced this type of loss can have any understanding.
Thank goodness we can come on here and feel understood without seeming ungrateful when people are being lovely but not getting it. Try and keep chins up both of you and get through yet another same old, same old, day. Love to you x
Sadie what you said is so true. I so desperately want a hug and kiss. That reassuring presence that makes everything right with the world. It’s something I took for granted and never realised how valuable it was until it had gone. It’s a physical ache that no one can repair. At times the pain and desire for physical intimacy is unbearable, that close and loving feeling you have afterwards is impossible to replace. At times the need for that intimacy is like the beginning of your relationship when you just can’t keep your hands off each other, but that desire cannot be fulfilled - I hope I haven’t offended anyone with that comment. It’s coming up to my first anniversary of losing Dave and I find the emotions that I’d manage to push down are rising to the surface again. Not that raw gutrenching pain you have when it first happened but this is in some ways worse.
Definitely not offending me. I dreamt we was close the other night which when I woke stressed me out even more. 1, that she’s gone 2, that I dreamt of this so soon (3 weeks) after loosing her. We had a very close loving relationship for 23 years.
Maybe allow the dream to be a visit - n ver never dies xx
If any one is offended is their problem - and I think most people will understand exactly what you said
Like people say on here, no one talks about the physical ache so it’s good that you do. It really is cruel and gut wrenching and so hard to cope with. Definitely you should see it as a visit, really lovely, am hoping for one too! x
Hi. Fifibella. Now why would anyone be offended by your post that is only expressing your need. Why do we shy away from expressing perfectly natural feelings? I find it so sad. We all have needs, both men and women, and denying we have them can turn into introspection and often despair. Our loved ones may be gone, but after a while the physical feelings return and no one should be ashamed of them. We are all human and what we need is to be expected. Take care. John.