Just more heart wrenching when you realise it’s a dream. Felt so guilty that I was dreaming of being so close to her. Felt inappropriate… but I so miss the kiss or holding her hand.
Hi. Jay. Now why would you feel it was inappropriate? Maybe she wants you as much as you want her. Is it a visit? It may well be. And guilt is so unnecessary. Did you feel guilt when you were with her? Of course not, so why now?
It’s OK to allow emotions even what you call ‘inappropriate’ ones. Allow yourself the freedom to express your feelings.
I envy your dream. I do believe that our loved ones visit us in our dreams, I refuse to believe that death is the end and am convinced that one day we will all be reunited with them.
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I also thought honk honk hat we are visited when they come to our dreams
A friend told me to write these dreams - they are comforting
S x
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Don’t ever feel that’s inappropriate, you loved her for god’s sake and you loved everything about her and all that entails. You are so lucky, I feel envious too, would love to feel that physical closeness again…
Love and desire never die x
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It was just strange. Just miss her tremendously. She was my only love. Just hate life and wish I was with her. When on the rare occasion we spoke about retirement and later life we both said we wanted to go together. I’ve got her mum to look after. Otherwise I would give up. Life has very little value after being so cruley robbed
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Jay I so wish I could say something to make you feel better , all I can do is empathise with how you feel because I feel the same .We we’re together since I was 20 and just about did everything together. . Life without him feels so bleak and pontless and no point or joy in anything. But what just about keeps me going is thinking that we are shouldering all this grief so they don’t have to…Just try to do a day at a time and think how proud of you she would be, Be kind to yourself and cry as much and as often as you need. After 8 weeks I can tell you that the crying has got a bit less, though not the emptiness, so there is a bit of hope for us on here. Pease keep going and don’t give up.x
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Thank you for those supporting words
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Wish I could take away all that pain for you but sharing it sometimes helps a bit x
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Hearing how others have coped gives a little light
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Hi Sadie,
I feel just the same,two years now without my lovely Roy.The pain is indescribable isn’t it.
Much love to you all,Corinna xx
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It is, how do people ever get over it? Or do we just have to keep trying to make some sense of it , keep breathing and live a life that we never contemplated or wanted. We don’t have to be brave or strong, just miuddle along as best we can in this lonely empty place we now inhabit. Love to all on here, all grieving in our own way and at our own pace x
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I don’t think we ever get over it we just learn to live with it. It’s always present there under the surface and sometimes, just like a scab, we knock it off and it comes back to the forefront. Im lucky as my son still lives at home so i have him for company and we get each other through. I feel for him as he was so close to his dad and he is an only child so no one to share the pain with other than me. It helps to talk to others on here and read their posts. We all feel the same pain and understand those feelings. It makes me feel less alone knowing there are others going through this with me.
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You are not on your own. We I feel the pain. Every morning I relive the last few seconds with my girl. I promised her o would not leave her but it is also upsetting seeing her stop breathing. Breaks my heart every morning.
They tell me the pain don’t go away but you learn to cope with it
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Coping with it is just what it is and sometimes we cope better or worse for no particular reason in my case. We have to accept it’s never going to change, whatever we do they. aren’t coming back but I think it takes a long time to stop fighting against it and try to go with it. I’m lucky too as my younger son lives next door and is furloughed so we’ve spent a lot of time with each other. It I don’t want to be a burden to him and make him feel somehow responsible for me. He’s so caring and lovely, just like his dad. .Father’s Day so hard, not wanting to upset each other.I’m sure we’ll all get through this and posting really does help.x
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H. bjane. Your remark about ‘stop fighting against it and try to go with it’ is spot on. But, my God, how difficult. It is the answer to a more settled life.
Initially we want to lose the pain. But the pain and emotions are part of Natures way to lessen the pain. If we fight and struggle against it there will be more pain. It’s so difficult for a newcomer to bereavement to see that, and it’s not to be expected at first. Fighting anything involves energy, and that we have little of in grief. We need to preserve energy not lose it.
Going with it and accepting that it is so can ease the burden maybe just a little. Trees bend in the wind, if they didn’t they would break.
The symptoms of grief are similar to those of anxiety. It may be most of us do suffer from anxiety. After all, we have experienced a life trauma.
Acceptance is not easy, far from it, but it can be done given the will.
Blessings. Take care.
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Jayandalison Your grief is still new and raw, I was where you are now 11 months ago. Give yourself time to understand what’s happening and be kind to yourself. You will learn your coping strategy, mine was to write down everything I needed to do and plough my way through that list. It kept me occupied and thinking of something else. I also started a new role within the organisation I work for 6 weeks after Dave died. That was tough but it made me get out of the house and for the 16 hours I work it was learning a new job so no time to dwell on my grief. That’s not for everyone but it did help me. I found I didn’t want to leave the house as it was my security blanket but I also worried that if I continued like that I may give myself more problems further down the line. Just take each day as it comes, I still go to bed at night and think okay that’s another day I’ve got through, I always say goodnight babies to him, the same as I did when he was alive. Each Friday I light my led candle by his ashes as he passed away on a Friday. We all find little rituals to help us cope, you will find yours. Just be kind to yourself. I’m sending you a big virtual hug.
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Thank you. I try although mostly unsuccessful to keep busy. I find when I’m in bed going to sleep and waking up the hardest I just can’t stop sobbing.
Fifibella and Jonathan, thank you for your positivity, that’s something that’s really hard to dredge up but I do believe we all have an untapped well of strength and fortitude if we can just somehow et ourselves find it and work with it. Sorry to ramble, am going to get up and make a cup of tea like he always made for me. Let’s all have a tea or coffee together x
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Jay, keep sobbing as much as you need, it doesn’t last forever and is so beneficial although it doesn’t feel like it at the time x