She was my first and only love. I could not have asked for anyone more loyal, loving or caring. Still find it hard how they told her she about to die within hours. So hard to see her listen to that
Fifibella youâre right, we were so lucky to have had that kind of love. Weâd been together over50 years and I canât find joy in anything without him. We did everything together and he made me feel so safe and secure, alwaysthere for me. Of course,the more we loved them the worse it is, the terrible downside of being so happy with them. A lifetime of love will never leave us thoughx
So right bjane. Dave and I were both married to others when we met but our respective partners had left us. I thank gosh his first wife left him so I could have him for myself. Our one regret is we didnât find each other earlier but neither of us were old when we met - he was 29 and I was 25. I have friends who have either never married or cohabitated with anyone or divorced and now single. To have never loved and been loved is sad. Love is so much more than the romantic notion portrayed in films etc., and that is why grief is so hard to bear. But I would rather go through this heartbreak and pain knowing I had love in my life than to have never been loved. I have such wonderful memories to get me through the dark times. I always feel Daves presence with me watching over me and still loving me.
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Oh Fifibella, we were so lucky and have to hang on to that. I feel like Malcolm and I grew up together , only children really at 20!! I want to feel him around me but donât, would so love to feel that. Itâs been 9 weeks now so I feel it may never happen, but still talking to him and hoping x
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Yes Pat I miss myself I donât know who I am except someone trudging up a big hill with no confidence it will be any better at the top
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I will join you in how you feel. I donât know who I am. I am now the opposite an emotional crumbling wrek. In the last 4 weeks I have completely changed.
It is amazing how powerful the loose of a close loved one affects you.
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Bjane Iâm 9 months ahead of you. A friend of mine is very spiritual, she isnât a medium or anything but believes in Angels. She told me that when they move to the next world they have to take time to heal. I never felt Dave around me for months and I felt lost and alone. He visited me in a dream just before our birthdays (his is the day before mine) and it felt so real and still does. She told me that he was so strong to do that and it would have taken a lot out of him. It took ages until he was in my dreams again. In January she visited me (she doesnât live local) and we were sat in the living room. Sheâd been with me a few hours when she asked me if where she was sitting was where Dave used to sit as she kept seeing a large ball of blue light above her. It wasnât where he used to sit it was actually where he had died. He wanted to come home to die and somehow he got the strength to wean himself off the high flow oxygen he had in ICU. That was where they put the hospital bed, by the window, we had to move the settee down to fit it in. She didnât want to upset me but I found it very comforting. Itâs only in the last few weeks I feel him here with me but I yearn to feel him physically. Just be kind to yourself Bjane and take each day as it comes, good, bad or absolutely canât cope days. Cry, scream, find a punch bag to hit, or just donât bother to wash and dress days, all are fine and necessary in healing yourself. Big hug to you
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Fifibella thank you for sharing
I friend of mine says the same that when we die it needs time to recover from the shock and become strong and that from here we can support them and from the here they can support us
Bless you
Sadie x
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Yes thank you so much Fifi Bella, that was lovely,. Youâve given me so much hope, I was really desperate for some contact from him as I knew he would if he could have done, we loved each other so much. I didnâtâ know it took so much longer, I just felt it must fade with time. Bless you and sleep tight x
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Hi Fifibella
I was also told the same thing by a spiritualist neighbour of mine. That Brian would go to a place full of love and caring where he would be cared for a get well again. It wasnât long before I had numerous visitations from him and then in the middle of the night on my birthday he came and held me close and told me he loved me. I was able to touch him and there was a light around his face and he looked so healthy. In all the visitations he looked so well. This did help me as he was so fragile and ill in the end. After this he stopped coming to me and I asked her why. She told me he was moving on to another place and he had work to do, again this gave me comfort as I could imagine him going through another door. I do still have moments when I know he is with me, signs appear when I most need him and I always thank him for coming. You see just before he died he promised that he would always be there to still look after me and he is keeping his promise.
Another friend who is very spiritual told me that she could see Brian sat in his chair in the dining room and one of our dogs wouldnât leave that chair. When she came in from her morning walk he would be having a cup of tea in that chair and she would jump onto his lap and lie with him. She continued to jump onto that chair for months. Did she feel him there also.!!!
Pat xx
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Dear Fifibella
Thank you for sharing this with us
I long to feel my darling husband around me. I know itâs early days , he passed at New Year, . We loved each other so much, it breaks my heart. I do believe I will be reunited with him. This gives me hope, thank you. How long does it usually take before they can come through. He told me he would try to be there for me, so worried about me being on my own. How I long for him.
Xx Christina
Chritina7 Iâm no expert but the strong dream was 2 months after and I didnât have anything for ages after. I think I had that dream because it was our birthdays. Iâm almost at the first year anniversary and itâs only been the last few weeks that I have strongly felt his presence with me. It maybe because of the anniversary that I can feel him with me and to his way of supporting me.
Patti and Fifibella, thank you for that. I, too am desperate to feel Malcolmâs presence, itâs been nearly 10 weeks now and would so love to feel him near me. Itâs his birthday in a couple of weeks, so maybe, never know! Would mean so much, like Christina. Letâs keep hoping x
I want so much to feel Ianâs presence but he was very much a sceptic about things like that . So does that mean he wonât come through ? I try to feel him around, I talk to him all the time and I would love a sign but Iâm not sure
Ladies Dave was a bit sceptical too and was one who didnât believe in meddling with these things. Itâs in the quiet still moments when I feel him with me, almost like a blanket covering me from behind. As I say itâs only recently Iâve had this and Iâm just 2 weeks away from the first anniversary of his dying. I didnât get any vibes early on in my bereavement although I to so desperately wanted them. Because my friend told me he needed to heal and she was shocked at how strong his presence in my dream was due to how soon after he passed I realised he would make himself known when he was strong enough and ready. I talk to him all the time but silently in my head, mainly because my son is still at home with me. I believe loves transcends all barriers and never dies, I will never feel love like ours again and right now I donât want to although I do miss the easy companionship. Plus having him around to do all the little jobs he used to do like changing lightbulbs, hanging pictures etc., and I would happily cook a meal for someone if they came and did these things for me rather than have to keep asking friends husbands.
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There wasnât anyone more sceptical than my brother, he came through after 10 weeks at the sitting. It was wonderful, little did I know, thank God, that my husband of 59 years wouldnât be long in joining him. 
It is a comfort, knowing that they are beside us. 
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Thatâs so reassuring to hear and gives us hope, thank you! Yes, itâs all those things they quietly got on with in the background that we miss, as well as the cuddles and that unconditional love. Letâs hope we can feel their presence around us soon x
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I would love to feel his presence around me 
After a month of Mick passing I fell asleep on sofa where he died I left the fire on all doors unlocked in the house I felt someone grip my arms really tight I shot up from the sofa it was 2 in the morning I thought somebody was in house then I realised it must had been Mick waking me up telling me to lock up turn fire off and go to bed. A few weeks ago I dreamt Mick was standing by the sea big rocks behind him I was walking towards him but couldnât reach him and he gave a wave and turned. When I looked at photos it was the beach in Gran Canaria where he loved. I donât know whether itâs all in my mind but felt so real. 3 months for me I always feel he is on the sofa xx
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Beautiful post, Kim5