How I miss....

Some days are worse Mary - and in those days we just sit with it
Sending you love
Sadie x

Thank you, Sadie x

Maryl we are probably about the same time. Dave died on 12th July. All the emotions Iā€™ve managed to keep down are starting to bubble to the surface again the closer I get to the 12th. Jack, our son, and I want to do something to commemorate that day but not sure what to do. With lockdown itā€™s hard as I know our friends would have liked to join us that day but itā€™s just impossible. Iā€™d love to release some balloons or Chinese lanterns if they werenā€™t so environmentally damaging. Depending on the weather we could go down by the river and have a picnic but that seems so lame. Dave was always the one to come up with good ideas for doing things. Stay as strong as you can and let the tears and emotions out when you need to. Xx

Thank you so much, Fifibella,
It is a horrible feeling, isnā€™t it? I would like to do something for Stan but I am housebound with various medical conditions.
I hope that yourā€™s and Jackā€™s day is peaceful, whatever you decide to do. x x x

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I thought I would share this with you all. Tomorrow will be my 1st wedding anniversary although Dave and I lived together for 35+ years. Last year the 4th July was on a Thursday but because itā€™s a leap year tomorrow is the 4th. Both Dave and I lived the work of Jack Vetrtriano and I follow him on Facebook. Today on my feed the picture he shared was ā€˜anniversary waltzā€™. I knew that was a sign from Dave making that picture the one they chose to share, so Iā€™m claiming it as my anniversary card from Dave. I have uploaded it - or hope I have. Also last night after Jack had gone to bed and I was just sat quietly on the sofa ā€œour songā€ started playing in my head, although it made me cry I had to play it via my Spotify account. I have a special playlist and this song is top of that list. Keep believing they are with us because they truly are x

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Fifibella my heart aches for you. But I love that you got a sign from Dave, I so hope you an feel him around you tomorrow and will be thing of you. Sending you hugs, and a special big one for tomorrow. You are one brave lady x

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Thank you bjane xx

Fifibella what a lovely experience!
It is so wonderful when they communicate with us
Thank you for sharing
Sadie x

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Thinking of you today Fifibella, sending love. My own wedding anniversary is at the end of this month and I dreaded the thought of it, also his birthday in a couple of weeks. You have made me feel brave. Thank you! xx

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I always find the build up to ā€˜ the dayā€™ worse than the actual day. I For me I find the weekend really difficult, I have lots of regrets, we didnā€™t talk about the passing. I donā€™t know what he wanted me to do. And I feel that a lot of things were left unsaid. I didnā€™t want to upset him and he was not always thinking clearly. So we said nothing, I just cried alone. Itā€™s nearly 15 months and I miss him so much. A big part of me is missing and I feel that Iā€™m not a whole person anymore, You begin to thinkā€™ what an earth lies aheadā€™

Hi Montague, so sorry you feel like this but I understand exactly. For various reasons I have regrets and the hardest part is we canā€™t say things to them that we wish to say or wish weā€™d said. I feel like you, only half a person and wonder how to live again without the love of my life. Somebody told me we have to make a new life but how do we do that when we only want the old one back. I think acceptance is the hardest thing, that makes it so hard to move forward, just feel stuck . Sharing these feelings here does help though, youā€™re not alone . Sending lovex

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Montage and Fifibella - I am so glad you mentioned regrets.
I have so many regrets and we also didnā€™t speak about the upcoming death, how we felt, what he wanted to be done, how much love we had and how I also regretted not been a more loving, patient wife - for many reasons . From my part I was afraid to do so and fall apart in a pile of tears - I didnā€™t want to upset him or me - I felt that if I acknowledged to him that death was so close I was giving up on hope.
But girls at the same time that I feel so regretful I know that at the time with so much happening I couldnā€™t have done any differently - this is where the Macmillan nurses should have come in and talked, supported us and guided us !! They were absolutely useless ( I wrote to the person in charge of them complaining

I am sorry you feel as you do and at the same time it helps me to recognise that my feelings of regret are shared by other people

Thank you
Sadie xx

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beautiful post Fifibella and card,heres hoping our soulmates are with us,thank you for your uplifting thoughts.

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Omg I so know how you feel, a was only 50 when I lost my husband and its the most devastating thing thatā€™s ever happened to me he was my soulmate and even now when something happens I always think oh I need to tell Ian whatā€™s happened itā€™s just what is automatic even after 3 yrs

Fellow grieves I have so many regrets but hindsight and being alone just emphasises those moments. I canā€™t change my past, I wish I could oh god do I wish that but itā€™s not going to happen. What I can do is understand I canā€™t change the past and if I did I would still have the regrets and what ifs to a whole new set of misgivings. I did what I thought was right at the time and so did you, itā€™s easy to replay your actions in the cold light of day but at the time you are living from one minute to the next. Our loved ones would not want us berating ourselves about things that in essence arenā€™t important. What was important is being there with them, showing them our love and that we would manage so making there passing easier for them. On the outside to everyone I look like Iā€™m doing really well, Iā€™m coping and getting on with things but inside itā€™s a whole different story. A friend keeps saying that I need to find a new normal but I donā€™t want new I want the normal I had, it was comfortable and happy but she isnā€™t in this club yet so has no real understanding of what itā€™s like, and Iā€™m glad sheā€™s not here so to her what she is saying sounds perfectly reasonable. Thatā€™s why itā€™s so good to come on here and say how you feel because we all understand and can support each other . I/we just need to find a way of getting through this time on earth until we are reunited with them.

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So right Fifibella, we shouldnā€™t beat ourselves up and we should accept that we did what we could at that time, and everything looks so different with hindsight. Regrets, what ifs are blocking us and we know it. But what we know and what we can do about it are such different things. One. day the happy memories will make us smile and letā€™s keep working towards that happy state. Sending hugs to all of us on here in this saddest of clubsxxxx

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Today has been my one year anniversary. I had quite a few tears this morning but I didnā€™t want the day to be all about woe and feeling sorry for myself. So Jack and I had a socially distanced bbq with 2 couple as allowed. They are part of a larger group of friends that we socialised with a lot but the two blokes were Daveā€™s whiskey buddies. We had a lovely afternoon/evening reminiscing stories of Dave and then the 2 chaps joined Jack in toasting his Dad with some whiskey. Iā€™m so glad we didnā€™t go down the sad and woeful path today. Life has been hard this last 12 months and will continue in this vein for as long as I have breath in my body. I have some really tough days and nights but I still have to live and I know he is here with me looking out for me. I did put a post on Facebook this morning and a poem, I have had so many comments about how beautiful the poem is so I thought I would share it with you all on here. Take care my fellow grieves ā€¦

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Oh Fifibella, that is so moving., just how we all feel on here.Thank you for sharing. A really sad day for you but I love the positive way you ā€œcelebratedā€ it. Sorry, couldnā€™t think of another word , didnā€™t want to make it sound happy. It will be Malcolmā€™s birthday on Thursday, 13 weeks exactly since he died , and we are risking going out for a meal, our son and his fiancĆ©e, our other son, wife and grandchildren and a friend with her son and his wife. Like you we donā€™t want to sit at home crying ( how easily I could!!) and want to try and have something happy that Malcolm would be proud of. How hard it is! Sending lots of love and admiration xxxx

Thank you bjane and I also used the word ā€œcelebrateā€ as I couldnā€™t think of a suitable alternative. What we did was what Dave most enjoyed, bbqs, socialising, entertaining, having fun and drinking whiskey with his buddies extolling the virtue of that particular one over another. I just wish I could have had the rest of the gang over. I had my quiet sad tears when I was alone but what we did he would approved of. I feel for you with Malcolmā€™s birthday as you almost mirror me. Itā€™s really tough and hard but I always think what would Dave want me to do and the answer would always be get on with living my life in the best way I can. I will be thinking of you on Thursday and sending hugs and love.

Thank you sweetheart, it makes so much difference being able to talk to someone who really understands. I realise now that nobody can,unless theyā€™ve been through it,I thought I did, but itā€™s not like any other bereavement, itā€™s a total wipe out. . .Waking up on your own is just heartbreaking, the worst part of the dayI find, so tempting to just stay in bed.But we know they wouldnā€™t want that so we keep soldiering on. Take care and thank you for your support.love and hugs xxx