THANKYOU 
@Misprint
I don’t believe you can ever outstay a welcome here. Everyone’s journey is different, their way of coping unique, but we can all help each other along the way. I don’t believe my grief will ever end, but I do know that this is one place where people will understand and not judge. Outside, so many people assume that there is a timescale to grief, a pattern that it falls into. One size doesn’t fit all, and here we recognise this. Thank you Sue Ryder team for being here
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Hi @Trixie1
I am only 6 months bereaved, but I know how you feel. I have a special 29 year old to be there for, or I am not sure I would be here now. He is my reason for going on, as his dad knows I will always love and protect him. My other (older) children are self sufficient, none close enough to pop round. They can manage, where this young man could not, and I will be his protector, friend, carer, mum until one or other of us is no longer here. The quiet times are when I know how hard it is without the love of my life, and those are the times I feel alone, bereft, lost, heartbroken. You are not alone. We need each other for support. Take care x
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I lost my husband just two weeks ago. The pain and loss and the massive hole he’s left seem endless at the moment. I just cannot see any happy future without him. I just want to know how people manage the initial trauma and sudden loss. How can anyone be expected to survive this kind of pain. I have a wonderful close family and we’ve been looking after each other so well but nothing will ever fill the hole he’s left. Please help me understand how to get through it.
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Jean 8
Oh my goodness this is so recent for you. I am so sorry for your loss. My partners been gone just over a year. I’m glad that you say you have support in your loss. I did too and continue to have support from a great friend and her family. Believe me everyone on here knows how tough this is for you. We all feel for you. Keep posting on here, it’s helped me maybe it will help you.
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Hi Jean.
It is 4 yrs and 2 months for me and I can remember thinking, just after the funeral , that I could not survive for more than another day. I yelled out loud, I banged my head in the wall, I had moments of indescribable loneliness, it was something I thought I would never survive. I found that the best thing is to face it head on. I couldn’t look at photo’s for months but then I forced myself to get out all my albums. It broke my heart but I kept doing it every day until I could actually smile and break my heart at the same time. I forced myself to sort his clothes out and recall the memories of him wearing them. I found pictures of him in his favourite shirt so I put the pictures in the pocket of the shirt and put it where I could see it. It wasl torture at first but if you face grief head on it becomes easier. Now I can cry but without the heartbreaking rawness that I felt in my early grief. The more I face , and the better I manage.
It is still hard and I have days of non stop crying but it is a release and I feel better afterwards.
We all think we will never get through certain days but we do. Life is never the same but now I can go out with friends and laugh again and sometimes I can go a few hours without thinking of him constantly.
It is the hardest journey we ever have to face. I still love my husband and always will buthis death is no longer a nightmare.
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Dear Annette99
Reading your words this morning has given me hope that my grief in time will become lighter and I can feel like smiling again not scared and empty.
Thank you x
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I had to sleep and escape for a while, only just learning to stop running 
hugs.
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@Jean8 I don’t know whether any of this will help, but I’m six months in, so maybe?
I had dreadful anxiety, and couldn’t cry, all emotions retained, and was diagnosed PTSD, sekf-harm, suicide due to the circumstances of my soul mate’s passing and before. I saw a psychiatrist, counsellors, GP weekly, went on Sertraline. Not much made a difference, but then I collapsed, blue lighted to hospital, major traumas could find anything but I kept passing out. Either this (horrible), or a switch to Votioxetine, or time, means I now keep breaking down in racking sobs around 3 times every day, but the anxiety is gone.
I wrote and focused on positive tboughts, 2 of which are: 1) I was married to the most beautiful, loveliest, happiest, strongest, gorgeous girl in the world for most of my life, and who loved me unconditionally, so I was lucky that as few have this 2) having protected and cared for Sharon since she was 18, it is better for me to carry tjis pain and torture, than for her to have tried to do so as she couldn’t have coped
Distraction. Get out of the house, do stuff. Don’t turn down any invitation, nor any offer of help.
Use this board, people on here are the ONLY ones who can understand you now
There is no magic answer, but I hope some of the above may help you?
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@Angiejo2 Well put, sums it up - and I also tried to add some thoughts to help.
(ps my darling Sharon also passed due to late diagnosed stage 4 pancreatic and liver cancer, so I get it).
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My symptoms have been so similar to yours physically and mentally and I’m only just beginning to get an understanding of them. Thankyou for talking about them. Rest and just be as well as you can in any given moment
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@TweedyLady I’m glad it helped. It also helps me to write things down, as it helps me to understand as I’m so confused by all this…
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Hi I haven’t been on here for a couple of months as I’ve been struggling really bad. It’s nine months since my lovely husband died and things aren’t improving. I just miss him so much. I miss his smile, his funny ways, his stupid jokes, just everything about him. I’m in floods of tears now writing this. Friends are few and far between and people who you thought may have been around to help are nowhere to be seen. It’s such a lonely existence. I hate this new whatever you want to call it, because it certainly isn’t a life.X
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I can only offer a virtual hug from another person missing her lovely man so much, every second. Distraction helps relieve the pressure, take it, if you can. Then let it all out. So sorry.
Thank you @TweedyLady for your virtual hug. It means so much. I try to get through each day and night as best I can but as I am getting older It just seems so pointless now. We used to be so young and lively for our age but now on my own I can see how quickly I have aged and unfortunately will only progress. Sorry to everyone for being so downbeat but this is how my mind is now. Sending love to all.X
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No need to pretend on this forum. Thank goodness, it’s a lifeline for us all. Take care of yourself now
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ILost my wife june 2021 people ask how i am ,and i have no words no words at all to describe how i feel ,im 55 our boys are grown up and we were enjoying life so much 2 grandchildren at the time now 3 one my wife never met , just reading what you said is how i feel now , its when your on your own at home ,out having a coffee you feel worthless ,i hope i can be at that stage your at one-day ,i dont want to ever forget my wife ,but this pain is not right .
I hope i get there one-day .
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Hang in there. Take it one day at a time…and be kind to yourself along the way.
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Your pain is the price of your life of shared love. Your wife loved you so much too, keep that eternal love just for you to help bear these times.
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Hugs 
every decision is difficult, never call it a day. The forum is there and you will float in and out like a wave on the shore. I’m floating in at the moment 
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