That reminded me of the “friend” shortly after my husband passed. I had said I really missed his shirts on the washing line - she laughed and asked are you just going to keep them and put them out from time to time.?
After a few more naff comments I had to distance myself from her.
G. X
It beggars belief sometimes. However, I have given up on expecting anything from anyone now.x
@Flower_garden. Absolutely brilliant! Well done you. I’d give you the biggest cuddle if I could xx. Jean.
How cruel and heartless some people are, not true friends at all. I had a ‘friend’ who decided to cut me off after I told her of my son’s diagnosis, I tried reaching out and even apologised fir tge way I told her (it was in a message as I couldn’t face talking about it at the time., I then actually felt guilty and thought I shouldn’t tell people so honestly. I still think, well maybe she was really suffering in her life with something similar, but would I treat anyone that way, no I would not. Now having lost my son I think can I really be bothered with people like her?
I absolutely with you Jean8. There seems to be no bottom for insensitive cruel behavior. At a time in our lives when we need kind loving support we find out who our true friends are.
Peace and love Karen
That’s AWFUL @Flower_garden
What cruel people - even worse that they were meant to be friends. Nobody needs friends like that.
I agree …i have a so called friend who lost her son 6 years ago tragic i know but not once has she asked if im ok n if i need anything…im mot looking for sympathy. I think it shows what kind of person SHE is …i hate feeling lije this but its only 9 weeks since R passed away…its me who always has to contact people and iv had enough of it…
I’m so sorry to hear of your sad loss Jan. just 5 weeks for me and struggling. My true friends are sending nice messages and I know are there when I’m ready, which I’m not yet. Others are no longer important in my life.
I send you my best wishes xx
@Pat7
Firstly so sorry for your loss and what you have written Pat echoes exactly how I feel and my situation is,
We did absolutely everything together Paul retired in 2019 and l retired the following year just as we were going into the first ‘lockdown’ so we had done nothing we had planned for our retirement.
Sadly he died from covid and it will be two years on the 1st March and l feel worse now than when it first happened. I don’t know if l was in shock and disbelief the first year as he went into hospital on the Friday and died on the Monday, we are still struggling to come to terms with how fast it happened and l think the realisation has set in the this is my life now without him - Jane
I’m really struggling my partner was Irish but lived with me in south wales , he died on 6/2 /2023 at home after a month in a hospice , His family and ex wife of many years want a mass which can’t be done till fri 3 rd march , my partner wanted a funeral similar to one we went to in oct 2022 . So I now have to wait all this time whilst my heart is breaking cos he’s in a cold place in the chapel of rest xx I feel all I do is cry , I’m trying to make it ok for everyone but slowly cracking up xx
So hard to be trying to please everyone @Martju when you are just falling apart inside.
Hold on in there, we are here for you.
The time between my husband’s death and his funeral was the longest he had ever been away from this village and I hated that. I couldn’t wait for him to be back where he wanted to be. It is such a limbo time too and I think extra hard, even though you also feel quite numb still.
Sending love and prayers. Xxx
So sorry to hear want you are going through i understand how you feel my Husband passed away on on 20/10/2022 and his funeral was not untill the 5th dec it was so hard knowing that he would be in the chapel of rest for so long my heart goes out to you take care
Thankyou all of you , I’ve been to see him twice in chapel of rest and I know he’s not there , I know him so well it’s not him anymore , I can’t face going again but then I’m leaving him there till 3 rd march , then a mass then a celebration of life which his Irish family don’t understand but it was his wishes , am I wrong should I visit again his brother has sent a rosary over to put in his hands but the registrar said he could do that ! I’ve left a letter and photos with him in the coffin , he’s so cold it breaks my heart he hates being cold , basically 2 funerals same day !!! Will he forgive me if I don’t physically see him again , it’s so so so painful to feel how cold he is ? Am I letting him down ? I’m going crazy with my thoughts xx I can’t ask him what he wants , he didn’t like fuss though , I love him so much I’m scared of doing the wrong thing x
@Martju I was with my wife when she passed. I said my goodbyes then. I could not see her in the chapel of rest. I could not have done it even if I had not been with her. Her sister and a couple of friends visited her there but I felt it was not really her. Everyone is different about this. You can only be guided by your own feelings and whatever they are tthey will be right for you. Love and hugs.
@Martju I wish I was with you right now I would give you a big hug and assure you you are doing the right thing. Try not to second guess yourself. You do exactly what You need to do. That is what your husband would have wanted. Please know his spirit and soul are not cold. They are free and warm. And he will always be with you. Nothing will change that. Just remember others that have not gone thru this agonizing journey do not understand. What ever you choose to do is the right thing. Do not doubt that.
Peace and love, Karen
Martju
Please do not stress. You decide. If you definitely dont want to go again dont. If you are not sure i would say go 1 more time in a week or so as you dont want to regret anything later.
I saw my Husband once in the chapel of rest and i was with him when he died. I was glad that i went as i was in 2 minds but its true. He was so cold it wasnt really him. I feel closest to my Husband in the utility room. He was always there when i got back from work sitting looking out the open back door into the garden.
You do what your gut is telling you to. His main concern is you. He would be more worried about you than if you go see him again.
I think when you are in shock and grieving everything gets on top of you and decisions are impossible.
Big hugs and whatever you decide will be 100% the right decision xx
Thankyou everyone if you , it’s a terrible place to be I want to talk to him so much I can’t breath properly xxxx hope you all find some peace in all this xx
So many decisions, a grieving mind struggles to put one foot in front of the other. I too was with my husband when he died. He had Alzheimer’s, and I told him we would journey this together, just as we did everything in our lives. We do not live anywhere near family. We decided long ago on cremation. My plan is to be cremated as well, and our ashes spread together. I did not have a service, since people would have to travel from all over the country. I was just fine with that as his family was. There was some talk initially of doing a celebration of life, but that was 6 mos ago right after he died, and haven’t heard anything since. To be truthful, I am ok with that. I honor him every single day. Like all of you I agonize over his death. Not sure how I would doing with a celebration. Certainly he deserves to be celebrated, but to cry during the whole thing, oh my. Anyway, we all need to do what feels right and most comfortable to us. That’s what our precious loved ones would have wanted.
Peace and love, Karen
@Martju
As others have said, do whatever feels right. As you said he isn’t there any more he is more likely to be with you. His spirit is free now, not tied to his body, so he can be anywhere he chooses.
You can talk to him anywhere so choose somewhere you feel close to him.
Whatever you do will not be wrong in any way. It will be done through love, which can’t be wrong. xxx
Hugs
Karen xxx
Thankyou , but where is he ? I’m
Panicking that he’s suffering , he’s not quite with me at home and he said he would be , is he on his own ? Lost ? Or in a bloody Irish bar , planning on coming home soon ??? I hope there is more than this life, we promised we would be in touch ??? I need him now xx