3 weeks and a day since my sweetheart georgous wife passed. But every night the pain in my heart get worse. How much more can I take
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You and I are going through the same experience it was 4 weeks yesterday and I felt so alone
Spent time with my daughter but I can’t be forever clinging to her she needs her own space
So back here alone again with my memories
Tried to the garden today but it’s all to much without him here to help me
Picking up his ashes on Wednesday bringing him home
What am I reduced to looking forward to that !!!
I dread the weekends cos families are together and I am here alone
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I can’t go into garden. During lockdown that was our space but her flowers are coming out and she’s not going to enjoy them. Keep being told she can still see them but it’s nowhere the same. Had to fill a form out yesterday and for the first time I had to tick widower. That was so hard. Never expected to do that aged 49
Hi Jay try sitting in your garden keep up with doing her flowers. The forms I know I couldn’t even tick the widows box I ticked married and I put a note in saying I’m not putting widow down bloody hard x
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I’ve been doing the garden because he loved it so much but the weeds grow too fast
All I keep thinking is wanting to go back in time
Never thought we wouldn’t have any more time together
Was looking forward to 50 years married and now alone it’s so unfair and I know we all think that
We definitely do. Ours would have been 23 year 1st August. Just can’t get my head around she was only 53. Thanks to my GP they have wecked my life.
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I feel the hospital let us down he shouldn’t have died
He didn’t have covid he had pneumonia and they told him he had covid before the test results and he was scared and that breaks my heart so much I can’t bear to think about it for too long or I will go mad
I am so sorry for your pain but 3 weeks is really no time to have grieved. I am 18 months along this road of pain and grief and can relate exactly to how you are feeling. Lost, alone, confused, frightened and many more emotions running through your head. I can assure you that as time moves on you do learn to cope with each of these emotions. I’m not going to say it’s easy but each day is a step forwards, to what some of us call that light ahead of us. Dim as it may be. We are more resilient than we think and just when we think we can take no more, we manage to dig that bit deeper. It might seem as if we are stuck in that deep black hole and will be forever but I can say, that for me, I am slowly climbing out. Be prepared though for those days when you will fall back in that hole. It’s all part of grieving and I have learned that it’s better to not fight the grief, go with it accept it. I do accept that it is a part of my life and probably will be forever but I still intend to live my life as best I can. You will find your own way, no one can tell you how to grieve, but grieve you must, so give yourself that time.
xxxx
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Thank you. It’s just so raw with the injustice of my wife’s life being cut very short because her doctor failed in doing the correct diagnosis which was easy to detect. I now sit here alone and missing her because of them. I try to do things but can’t even go in garden as we done things together.
All calls have stopped and text about 1 a day if lucky. TV full of cremation adverts. I just hope I can get a glimpse of a light.
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Hi Jay
I can well understand that with the injustice as well it is adding to your grief. Unfortunately it is a sad fact that the calls and caring relatives and friends do fall by the wayside and we are left to pick up the pieces alone.
It’s only been three weeks since your loss and everything is raw. You are emotional and lonely so please take your time and don’t try to rush things. You have been through a terrible trauma and you have to heal yourself before you can start to cope with yet more.
Your garden could well bring you comfort and help. My husband and I had allotments and I doubted that I would be able to go to them anymore, but three days after he died I went there and felt his presence telling me to get on with it and now I still have his name at the top of his plot and I find myself talking to him and wanting to please him. My own garden was a different matter and I couldn’t even sit on the patio at first but in time I have now overcome this and once again find the peace and love that we shared out there. It’s now becoming acknowledged that gardening is proving beneficial for our mental health, so once again don’t have great expectations of yourself, just one small step at a time and when you do go back to the garden you can please your wife by looking after it. Is there not a small part you can dedicate to her that will bring you some comfort.
That glimpse of light will come but you have to search to find it yourself, it comes and goes.
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Hi. Pat. One again we need to accept the fact that bereavement carries pain. It always does and always will. Living with the pain is not easy, but like you after eighteen months it does diminish a little. Perhaps we expect too much. After living with someone for so many years it’s not easy to find oneself alone.
But it has happened and no amount of grieving and pain will change anything. You are so right. If we can accept the pain and grief and go with it rather then resist it it can help a lot. None of this is easy, but it can be done given the will. I think the pain will always be there, that’s pretty obvious, but better moments do come in now and then and we can build on those. Like you it’s eighteen months or more since my wife died. It sounds a long time and I did think I would be feeling better than I am, but I plod on.
Best wishes. John
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Oh Pattidotand Jonathan you are so wise. It’s been eight weeks for me and it was very sudden and I’m still wondering what is the point? Your posts have really given me hope that we can somehow get through this though at this moment we can’t imagine it Thank you so much and hope it has given comfort to you Jay too especially as your grief is even more recent and raw , also terrible issues to cope with. Love to all and to those facing Father’s Day todayxx
I really don’t know what to say here apart from I’m completely lost. That’s it really.
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Hello
We are all at various stages of being lost
It’s the worst feeling and I totally understand how you feel
Hi Melly Hatton, I hope you get as much comfort and support on this site as I have done, you will find people who are experiencing exactly your pain who understand and empathise, also people further on and lots of love and advice. You can share all your thoughts in a non judgmental space In a way that isn’t always possible with loved ones, no matter how caring they are. Everyone on here understands . Keep posting x
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Hi. MellyHatton and welcome.
I think in one sentence you have summed it all up. ‘Completely lost’.
We all know that feeling especially in the early stages of grief. Please come back and tell us about yourself. This site is here for that purpose, to share our thoughts and problems with people who know and care, something you may not get from those outside or even in the family circle. They mean well but don’t know, and knowing and understanding are so important. I don’t know how long since your loss, but it’s probably early days for you. Try and take it all one day at a time. It’s and old cliche but so true. We all grieve in our own way and there are no set rules or methods. Allow emotions to come. No ‘bottling up’ because you feel you shouldn’t be like it. Emotions are Nature’s way of relieving stress if only a little. Take care and be kind to yourself as well as others. Blessings. John.
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Beautiful sunny day, hope you are all feeling your spirits lifted a tiny bit. Saw bees and butterflies in the garden, amazing how life keeps going on in spite of everything x
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My Allison brought some lavender for the bees. Hope she can see them from heaven. So sad I can’t enjoy them with her. So upsetting and painful 
Hi bjane, I love your positive attitude. It can only be good for your soul and help ease the pain. AL x
Thank you Al, am trying,! I know how hard it is Jay and your loss is more recent than mine, hope you will be able to feel the power of her love when you look at that lavender, . One day it will soothe your hesrt and senses. I thought of you this morning as I changed my bedsheets etc, long overdue, in tears too. Hope you are okay.x