Hello Eve,
So much of what you write always resonates with me. My life has been devastated by losing my dear wife of over 30 years. We got together young - when I was a bit of a lost soul. She gave me direction and purpose, and together we made a great team. Now I’m in the grip of this excruciating grief: the pain of separation, the agony of her life being cut short, and the overwhelming terror of not knowing who I am or what my future holds.
I am a little further down the road than you, now at 18 weeks. I think I’m coming to the “half and half” stage, where shock begins to give way to reality. I’m not any happier, but I can feel a definite shift. I want to hope that I can find myself. It will be a new version of me, and I’ve no idea what that looks like yet.
I went out on my own last night to watch some music. I struggle with the evenings the most, and decided to give myself a push. It was emotional to do it on my own, but I forced myself to go - and I’m so glad I did. It was a powerful experience, and it actually reminded me that I’m still capable of experiencing pleasure. It did me good.
Sending sympathy & best wishes to you,
@Jojay well done i am 18mths down the line and still havent been able to do this.
I am however contemplating i dont want to be alone for the next 20+ yrs and then wrestling with all the guilt and emotions that brings. Everything is so hard isnt it.
@HeartofGold
I can relate and identify everything you’ve just said. It will be 22 weeks tomorrow my loving husband lost his battle to cancer and this last week ive been in total despair just thinking about how much he sufferred. He was such a kind, generous and loving person he didn’t deserve to die the way he did and just to watch him just waste away is something that will live with me for the rest of my life.
Like you I’ve no motivation. Mornings were our time as well, especially this time of year when the sun was out. On a nice sunny morning like today, we’d have our morning coffee in the garden and plan our day.
Life is so different now, this morning even though ive been up since 5am Ive done nothing!! Just sat here on my sofa looking out of the window watching my neighbours continue with their normal lives…that used to be me (us) always busy making the most of the days.
Last Saturday it was our first anniversary since Ian has passed, 34 years married together for 40 years, i literally stayed in bed all day. I did not want to hear or see anyone, the only person I wanted was my loving husband Ian, he’s the only person who can stop my pain.
Our dreams of an happy retirement together were cut short, we were both looking forward to a new chapter…life is so cruel and unfair. I will never understand this world, so much suffering.
Sending you lots of love and strength to get you through these sad and dark days.
Hello Daisy24,
Yes, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Watching while my wife went through cancer, the pain and fear. All the different treatments and operations and then the final trauma of it all. But we all must try our best to carry on. Sometimes it feels impossible - the agony of grief can be crippling and overwhelming.
I am pleased that I made it out last night. A gig is the perfect environment in many ways - you can be anonymous in the dark, among the crowd - and music has such an uplifting effect on the emotions. I really recommend it.
HeartofGold,
Hi, i hope you, have had something to eat.
I am sorry to say they will be no visits. None since the funeral. Which hurts but they move on, we don’t. If i am lucky i might get one phone call. I rang around a couple of weeks ago for support after a bad trigger day. I am afraid they didn’t understand.
I will talk to Sue and remember her smiling face and cry.
Please take care and you are right people dont understand unless they have been through it.
Everyone here and myself are here to support you.
Keep chatting whenever. However you need to
Hear i go again another painful sad lonely emptiness weekend i hate the weekends so long now that my wife is no longer with me before when it was my wife and i the weekends went so fast we would get to Sunday and we would go oh no work tomorrow i was allways saying i wish i had a 4 day week working so i could spend an extra day with my beautiful wife now i am absolutely hate the weekends
@Love01
I completely recognise everything you describe.
I am exactly the same.
The weekends were never long enough before, there was always so much to do and never enough time, but we had each other, and that was the most important thing.
We did everything together and were so happy.
All of that has changed now and life can never be the same.
The weekends are so long, lonely and isolating and I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything.
My whole world collapsed around me, the day my darling Michael left this cruel world.
Since then everything seems so pointless and meaningless and I miss my darling Michael so very much, sometimes I can’t breathe.
What you are going through is torture, but I do understand, even though I am unable to offer any comfort.
Eve x
@Daisy, thats good John is okay. Were thinking of him.
How are you and everyone here…? I know it seems a silly question. I had another busy day taking my son to his training then shop and chores in between.
At the end of my day, I thought about my husband. I was nearly in tears I got myself distracted with something. Its a horrible feeling and the worse part is it just comes whenever. I went out to get some fresh air and worked out in my back garden.
another day for us. Tomorrow will be another day, a new fresh start.
Good morning all,
The dreaded weekend has descended.
I’ve just seen some tumbleweed blowing across the forum - that doesn’t bode well.
Best wishes to all,
