Hi Nightwish1,
You are so right,there is no time limit to our grief, it never goes away i feel we just have to try and live with it somehow.Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding, it means a lot to me.Try and look after yourself too.
Take care.
Morning everyone,
we grieve because we love them.
So lucky to have them and so unlucky and devastating to not have them here right next to us. Always loved, always missed.
Big hugs everyone.
Take care x
Good Morning All.
Johns 73rd birthday today so had a few tears waking up then tried to think what a joyous day it would have been when his mum had him and his life led to me eventually.
Didn’t have him anywhere near long enough but at least his last few years were extremely happy.
I’m left with the sadness and emptiness but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ll go to the river at beautiful Ribchester and leave his favourite red roses and sit n ponder a while then back to the here n now and pick up grandkids.
Our lives go on albeit differently but time ticks by and we can only hope that things will get better and our hearts remain full of love, with fewer tears, for everyone we’ve lost..
Hope we all manage as good a day as we can.
Going to Ribchester is so nice thing to do on your husband’s birthday. I hope your days goes as well as it can for you
Thinking of you @Mitzi1 so very sad you did not have many more years together. I love the way you always try to see a positive side in your posts , it is uplifting. I hope your trip to Ribchester gives you some comfort
Sending you a big virtual 
John would be so proud of how far you have come xx
Thank you so much…tough time but we plough through..
Thank you..
The ride out to Ribchester was fine but I had to avoid driving past Johns house, that’s just too much right now.
It was cloudy but down by the river it suddenly became sunny and as I put the roses down a fish jumped out of the water and made me jump nearly as high as the fish.
I then had half hour sat on ‘our’ bench watching the sheep and the river flowing and ducks fighting to swim upriver.
Had a good cry n then pulled myself together to drive back…
I do try to be positive but sometimes it’s tough.
We all know that feeling only too well..
It sounds like a lovely place you went to . I know these land mark days aren’t easy to deal with I have all this to come .As it’s only four and half months since I lost my husband. They say being out in nature is good for so hopefully it will help you heel a little
I have been using boxes lined with trash bags to drag around and I cleaned out the food and broken glass in this room into one of those and moved it to the parlor. Closer to the front door. After a few weeks of a bad slump. Planning a nap soon. Had to take a bit of anxiety medicine. Permission to rest. Killed a fly. I know where my keys are and the gates are locked. I have several bottles of water and Peppy’s needs are met. I gave a few good hours to Future Me this morning. Peppy won’t leave me alone he senses I’m sad at the moment. Going to use a cold wet cloth on my face to prevent more anxiety. I have some lavender wipes for adults I may try those as well.
@Mitzi1 I’m glad the ride out went well, how strange the fish jumping out at that time , I think i would have jumped too . It’s all so very hard coping and trying to be positive and as you say can be tough. It sounds a lovely place to go and sit by the river remembering such special times of yourself and John 
The tears will always come and go for all of us 
It’s very early for you and raw.
We all remember those first horrendous months. I really wouldn’t wish them on anyone. I have to say it has got easier but when the tsunami hits it really hits.
I hope it helps you coming on here.
It shows we are never alone in our grief.
Goodnight @Johnr .
Hope you sleep well tonight..
It’s reassuring to know it has got somewhat easier for you . I feel like this is a lifeline , and has really helped me
Night night everyone
I hope it will be a better day for someday, when i dont know but if we have no hope at all we have nothing. How long this grief and disabling to even function lasts i have no idea. But I hope to one day wake up and look forward to the day ahead instead of dreading every minute. I wish us all well.
Morning everyone,
I think it will be a rainy day again.
I hope you got some sleep.
Wishing you peace and comfort.
Take care
Good morning everyone I have have had a bad night up and down the whole night been very restless I am feeling really low I have been crying everyday since my beautiful wife passed away so suddenly I still replay the full day over and over again I hate the mornings mornings is so hard we would be getting sorted together for our day ahead at work I would help my wife with things make tea and bring it up the stairs while we got ready I struggle every morning the house so lonely without her it’s sad I cry constantly yesterday was hard for me to it would have been 1 year yesterday my wife had started a new job we where both very happy as it was only 2 mins down the road that’s what I would say but my wife said it’s 7 mins drive I would laugh at her everyday I have to drive past her work and places we would go to eat out and shops it is really really hard as I remember everything that we done it’s all good memories but I still cry I find it really difficult I wear a mask going to work everyday and when I am alone I cry I never switch of from thinking about my wife I just love her so so much and still do I just wish I can be with her it’s not easy when your so alone with no friends or family to help out I got my counciling but I am not sure if that’s really helped much I am glad I have this site as everyone is going through the same and we all understand each other and how they are feeling all I would love is for someone to actually say how are you and mean it and know exactly what I am struggling with but just going to work and home is all.i have it’s so lonely and horrible I am just so sad and wish I could it would ease a bit I am exhausted everyday but try my best to push through sorry if I rambling on take care everyone and try have a good day as to the best you can
Dear Love01
I understand completely how you feel. It’s 4 months for me since my lovely Ray went and I’m heartbroken and always will be. I’ve had a restless night too, my family are ignoring me and never even ask how I am. I can’t understand the coldness and didn’t realise until now that I meant so little to them. Like you I cry every single day and put on my mask to face work and come home to loneliness.