So pleased you had a good Xmas especially with someone you made friends with on here.
All of us understand each other so that’s a huge help.
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Congratulations on the birth of your first grandchild Andy.
Hopefully you will have memories, photos, videos etc of your Sharon to share with your grandson when he gets older.
My Jackie managed to see the first couple of years with our grandson, who will be 3 in January, but he will be able to see a lot of his Nanny through media as he gets older
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My last 3 days with Jackie at home, were quite hard, particularly her last 30 minutes, which must have been painful and traumatic for her. They certainly were for me. 
I try to blank that 30 mins out of my mind, but it’s still there. 
I wrote something similar a few months ago, which was along the lines of living every day as if it’s your last.
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Help! Just went to lunch with my son who’s over from US and 7 family members who’d driven over from York to see him but when I got there I just couldn’t do it. I left and cried all the way home. I feel like it’s wrong to enjoy anything before my precious husband is laid to rest. Now I can’t stop crying
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Hello Cathymb
I’m so sorry that’s happened to you today. It is hard, but you can only do what you can do. I’m sure your husband wouldn’t think it’s wrong of you to enjoy things. I want to pull the plug on the whole Celebration of Life I have planned for Mark as I think it is too formal. I haven’t paid for anything yet, but I sent out invites. Now I don’t know what to do as I will need to start from scratch. Nothing is easy, is it? Big hug.
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Cathy, I am so sorry and am sending you loving thoughts. I understand totally how you feel, truly I do. Don’t give yourself a hard time. Everyone will understand…and if they don’t, lucky them, quite frankly. Just be kind to yourself now. Make a cup of tea and wrap yourself up warm. Take care 
x
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Thank you for understanding. I’m also thinking the funeral is more formal than Michael would have wanted and I’ve re-written the eulogy many times. Maybe we’re just torturing ourselves by overthinking everything. I hope you find some peace in the celebration. Trust yourself xxx
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Thank you. It’s so so hard isn’t it? I know my (ex) sister-in-law understands because she lost her husband some years ago but at the moment I’m totally self-centred. I’ve done what you suggested. Had drink and a sandwich, played slideshow of pictures and now feel calmer. This community is worth its weight in gold. I felt so desperate but your replies have comforted me.
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Yes we all have demons that come back and haunt us.
Mine is every Tuesday at noon for half an hour I sit and relive those last hours we had and punish myself every-time about how I should have done things differently. Of course I know deep down it wouldn’t have changed anything but of course I still do it.
I never had anyone in to help me and it was only on the day that my husband sadly passed that I asked for help but of course it was to late.
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I understand how you feel, my partner’s been gone 3 months now. He was a real technology person, you know lights on timers, internet boosters etc. I haven’t a clue and everything seems to be breaking down, so much anxiety. I can’t envisage life without him, he was good to me, it’s such a loss.
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Please don’t be too hard on yourself we can only do what we can. This is my second Christmas and New Year on my own and despite spending a lovely time with my family I had to come home earlier than planned, like you I cried all the way home.
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No obvious reason but the tsunami started about an hour ago for the first time in weeks m.
Decided to read the journal I started in Marchand stopped in July and realise how far I’ve come but it still hurts massively.
I’m going to think back tomorrow from July and write down things I can remember that has happened since I stopped writing.
Hopefully the tears will stop soon..
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Johnr, thank you for those words, that is exactly how i feel.those words are so true.take care.
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Went for a walk with a friend today. Around 4.5 miles across fields, around our lake and back home. I used to do it regularly until Jackie got worse last year.
It was nice
The bridge over the old railway line
So good night all
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It’s an extra layer of anxiety on top of the effects grief is already having on you, isn’t it? I’m trying not to over stress about it all at the moment until I’m (hopefully) feeling a bit stronger.
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It’s not being self-centered, it’s self-preservation x
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I had a lovely time in Brussels today with new friends, it is a lovely place to visit.
I came a few years ago with Rob and was unsure about revisiting but it was a new day with new people and loved every minute.
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So sorry.
Sending a big hug.
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Morning,
it is rather cold.
I am out with a friend today.
I hope you have the best day possible.
Do what you can do, don’t be hard on yourself.
Big hugs x
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