Thank you .Its been another hard day.i went to my sister in laws today to see her for Easter and take her an egg.i so feel for her being disabled and now without her dear sister.Her mental state is not very good and its so difficult to have a conversation with her but i was determined to see her, for my dear wife and for me too.I managed to do some shopping ,thankfully Tesco has reopened but everything has moved so just dashed around trying to find things.I managed to take some flowers to my dear wifes grave and got home before the strong winds, its really strong here now.i still cannot believe i am visiting my dear wifes grave,it has broken my heart and torn me apart.
Dear Nightwish1, thank you so much, it is so kind of you However it is nothing less than I have come to expect from the people on here. It is a terrible, yet wonderful privilege to be a part of this group of people. Thank you, Matt x
Dear Helen39. Again thank you! There is one thing on this site you can guarantee, the kindness of others. I try to be the rock these days for people, but today I find myself floundering like the waves against said rock! One thing this site does well, increases the tissue sales! Thank you again, Matt x
Hi Matt, today has been a bad day over here. The sun has been out in fall force I’ve filled the day with jobs, walked for miles done exercise and yet the clouds have been closing in and in the end downpour started indoors. I don’t know why but Saturdays seem to be impossible. I’m really sorry to hear how bleak your life sounds after four years. I hope you find something that brings back some love for life. At fifty you have so many years Infront of you to just to just get through. I’ve often thought I wish this had happened at seventy ot eighty and then I wouldn’t have so long to go. But life can be cruel even at eighty you can still live another 20.
You have a lot of life Infront of you and I hope it is not all so bleak.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
@Matt9 no need to apologise, we are all on this emotional rollercoaster that none of us ever wanted to be on . It’s 6 months since my husband died suddenly. I have found this group to be really supportive and helpful. I share my better and bad ones . I am finding Easter to be particularly challenging for me . I have been sat here today thinking what I was doing this time last year , and how I’ll never be able to do it again. So my tears have been flowing today. Look after yourself
Hi Tom (Brandon1) Thank you for your kindness and I am sorry you have had such a bad day too. I have noticed and appreciated your words of wisdom in other posts. Be kind to yourself, sir. I am trying to be, I still have faith, although in what I am not entirely sure these days. Take care, Matt x
Hi Sherbet10. Thank you so much, I cannot believe (even though I already knew how kind the people were here) how many people have responded to my little momentary breakdown! I am so sorry not just for your loss, but how hard you are finding things this weekend. I have said this a lot on my posts, but try to be kind to yourself. Take care, Matt x
Hi Heartbroken12. Thank you for the kind response and I really loved the picture! This community is amazing and gives hope to those of us that need it Take care, Matt x
Please dont apologise, we all can relate to how you feel and the emotions and pain you are going through.I can echo what Nightwish1 and Helen39 say and so many on of us on here too.My dear wife passed very suddeny and unexpectedly in February last year of a blood condition, she passed here at home in the living room.I would love to say things get better over time but for me personally i have found time has not changed how i feel very much.I still cry literally every day especially bedtime which i always find the worst time of day and coming back to the empty house always upsets me.Grief has no timeline attatched to it i find, it also has no direction to it.Some days i can feel i am not doing too bad then all of a sudden it will hit me again, the wave of grief.sometimes even the slightest think can set me off.I try to think of happy memories but even those are often overshadowed by sadness as i know i we cannot make new memories and i long for what we once had and loved so much.You are doing the right think in talking and telling us your feelings, its so important to talk, especially to people who really understand which is where i have found this site so valuable and comforting with people who genuinly do understand how we feel.
I am so sorry for your loss, every loss is awful and leaves us heartbroken and torn apart but when it is so sudden that really is so painful for us.when we lose our dear loved ones part of us passed with them, this is how i feel now.everything has lost its meaning and purpose.They were part of us and now that person has gone it leaves a deep void.Our lives and ourselves have changed forever.Sometimes i feel every day is like groundhog day, just going through the motions, sort of robotic.The world we inhabit now seems to have changed, i often feel like an interloper in an alien world that i no longer recognise.your description of a monochrome world is so true, the colour our dear loved ones gave us has gone.Please dont feel you rant, you certainly dont, you describe it as it is and i am sure many of us can relate to how you feel, i do.All we can do is our best, take things one step at a time, moment by moment.i find i am never certain where this road will take me and how many twists and turns this rollercoaster ride i find myself on will take.
Dear Brummy, thank you so much. Your words touched me and I am so sorry for what you are going through. Today has just been “one of those days” for me. I would like to say I have mostly come to terms with it, but that would be a straight out lie! I don’t think it is ever possible, although as I said I can have days where the sunshine seems brighter than the dark night i normally inhabit. Of course, I always try to keep a happy face on for work, my children, friends etc. The truth though is we all have those dark days and today has been one of mine! Still, as I said in my earlier post to @Helen39 the tissue companies are doing well from this site, at least! Take care, Matt x
Dear Matt,thank you for your reply and your posts too.Do you have faith?i have found mine to be very tested to be honest but i still have it.I like to think our dear loved ones are still beside us but there are times i reall do feel “alone”, we didnt have children so it is literally just me now and my dear wifes sister who is sadly disabled.I know what i really want is my dear wife to be with me again but i know its not possible.She was such a loving, kind, caring, gentle person.I miss her so much.Our love for our dear loved ones will never leave us and their love for us will always be with us too.it may sound strange but i seem to spend more time in church now not sundays but in town before shopping.I value the peace and quiet away from the bustling stressful world, a time to just be quiet and find some peace.Our village church where my dear wife is buried is so quiet and peaceful.i so hope you can find some happy memories amongst the sadness.To be honest, i dont think i will ever come to terms with losing my wife,i will just have to have grief as my companion now but hopefully i can find a little joy to accompany this grief.Where you get the sunshine hold on to that as i think sunshine and light will always eventually overpower darkness.you are so right about the tissue companies!Take care.
Dear Brummy, I am afraid my biblical faith has lapsed. My faith these days rests upon my children. If there is a God, then He has a very strange sense of humour! I certainly would not put down anyone with faith, as it can hold a lot of solace for people, but I certainly would hope if there is a better place for us beyond this world then my lost loved ones and of course everyone’s have found it and if I am wrong, then i am sure He will forgive me when i in turn reach there. Matt x
Lovely picture, have a restful evening everyone. I managed to get out for a walk with my youngest son. My other son Connor made another lovely meal for us all, I did have wobble just before dinner, I just came over really sad and thought how much he enjoyed family dinners. Connor gave me a lovely cuddle though. I’m feeling a bit better now. Hope you’re feeling a bit better
I think it’s going to be a very very long night. It’s very windy and even though I feel tired I just can’t sleep.
I think I’ll get up and see if there is something on the telly that can make me drift off. I bet I will downstairs but when I come back to bed I’ll be wide awake again.
Anyway if anyone is still awake and looking on here good night and I hope you sleep x
Do you have a TV in your bedroom? I’m watching Downton abbey (again) when I’m ready I put boring history for sleep on YouTube on my phone. It plays all night so if I wake I can listen again. It stops me thinking. Have the voluylow so you have focus to listen. Give it a try, the man has a very calming voice.
No only one tv that’s downstairs. But I do have a radio/CD player I have it low usually helps but I’ve had a rough couple of days and it’s very windy and I don’t like it. Goes way back to a childhood incident so use earplugs but even those not working tonight.
Grief as gonna hold of me sadly but tomorrow is another day and I must try to shake this. Loneliness is a SoB and worse at night.
However it is nothing less than I have come to expect from the people on here. It is a terrible, yet wonderful privilege to be a part of this group of people. Thank you, Matt x
One thing this site does well, increases the tissue sales! Thank you again, Matt x
This community is amazing and gives hope to those of us that need it 
tonight
