I absolutely love the pink hair and spotty tights…
I hope it’s on your fridge or wall somewhere prominent…
I have a wall covered in drawings from my four and marks and dates for their heights…
Precious times and memories…
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Thinking of you both today 
@Johnr and @MichelleO
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It’s such hard work when you are in a sad place and the smallest things like changing a train platform can cause so much anxiety.
I think we have all had that feeling of head all over the place and can’t seem to focus properly.
That’s the grief business…one minute coping and the next in a bl..dy state.
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Thinking of you and Jackie
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Sundays are not easy.
Big hugs for those who need them.
Take care.
Night night.
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Hi Brummy,
I hope you have managed to get through today as best you can. Sorry you got stressed yesterday. I am afraid it doesn’t take much nowadays.
Take care.
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Mitzi1
Thank you for your message.sometimes i feel as though i am mentally in a “Fog’, trying to navigate my way through.I always think grief has no time limit and direction.It can hit us anytime, anywhere, just as we think we are not doing too bad it will hit us again.I have to admit my faith has been really tested the past year but i still think there is a “bigger picture” to our life here on earth.Last year when i was feeling really low i had a nice chat with a vicar at a church cafe, “chatty Cafe”, it really helped me, he listened too and i think that is so important for someone to listen to us especially someone who understands how we feel.If there is anyone with experience of grief and bereavement its a vicar/clergy.
I hope you are ok?
Take care.
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Hi Nightwish1
Thank you.Its been another difficult day but i tried to occupy myself by topping up my dear wifes garden containers and pots with new compost.Even doing this brought a few tears, she loved her garden, plants and flowers and especially springtime.it hasnt felt very springlike today here, overcast and cold.My wife loved spring and the reawakening of nature after winter and the signs of new life.
Yesterday was not good.I think being emotional going to my parents grave,working out my trains it all got on top of me.The train was packed with couples and families too.I agree it doesnt take much nowadays.i hope you are ok.
Take care.
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Julia12
Thank you for thinking of me.As you so rightly say all these anniversary dates are so hard and so many.I was thinking when i was at my mum and dads grave yesterday, i have lost everyone i loved, my mum and dad, my wifes mum and dad and now my dear wife.as you say its so hard to do it alone now.we had no children, all i have is a cousins who have dissapeared it seems and my wifes disabled sister and to be fair she is the only one who phones now except a cousin of my brother in law.like yourself it does bring me some comfort they are out of pain but we as you say carry the pain of them not being with us.
Take care.
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Sending you a hug Brummy 
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Thank you so much
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The reality has really set in now. Just a week since the anniversary of losing Paul. My youngest daughter and the 2 kids have now moved to their house which she has been doing up since July. They have been here tonight for their dinner My youngest grandson said he was sad to leave me here on my own 
bless him, but he will be staying with me tomorrow and tuesday night. I suppose I am luckier than some though. Feels strange, almost too quiet.
Goodnight all 
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These are just like the beautiful tulips my sister sent me on Wednesday. I love purple it makes me smile even through all the tears
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Thank you everyone for thinking about me so meny kinds words I really do appreciate every one I am truly really really been struggling so much I do feel I have got worse my thoughts are truly going out to everyone on this lifeline of a site I am so glad I found this site it has saved me I was in the lowest darkest place and I really did not see any way out I might not post alot but when I have everyone has been so thoughtful and knows exactly what we are all going through and feeling I am 42 weeks into the sudden loss off my wife I am really not looking forward to my 1st year as I will be hit with not just the sudden loss of my beautiful wife but a few things at the same time I am.so alone frightened scared terrified so lonely so lost so sad d broken now I try everyday but I am struggling my thoughts go out to you john and Michelle today this is a horrible and very sad day I honestly do hope that you found some peace and comfort today I love how we can all come together and surport each other the best way that we can please everyone take care
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Thank you everyone for your messages and thoughts today. We had a mass saud this morning followed by coffee. My husband was a gardener, my sisters brought me these beautiful plants and sign. It flowered today, a sign!
Was a difficult day, still can’t believe hes gone, and now its a whole year!
I hope you had an ok day too @Johnr.
Good night all x
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Does anyone else have trouble sleeping?
I lie awake at night even though I feel exhausted! I was hoping after his first anniversary today I’d sleep but no.
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My sleep hasn’t been the same sadly. It’s a mixture of things but getting a few hours a night is the normal for me these days.
Sending you a virtual 
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Thank you @Heartbroken12
Its a difficult journey this whole thing! It would be so nice to be able to get off this rollercoaster for a little break.
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Funny thing is I was dreading Wednesday being the first year anniversary but it’s been these days after that I’ve been a hell of a lot worse. The non stop crying has returned that I had in the early days.
The loneliness has also kicked in big time.
I have a mixed bag of emotions going on. Guilt for still being here, guilt if I do something that makes me smile or laugh, guilt for living when my hubby isn’t. The mind plays awful tricks on us.
Yes getting off this rollercoaster would be lovely but sadly I think we stay on it for the rest of our lives but just have to work out how to survive the journey 
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