Helen
I read somewhere recently when it comes to choosing a house we choose with our hearts 
. I am sure you will find something that you will love .
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Spike1
Good to see you back. Sorry you have had a bad week.
I’ve been the same the last couple of weeks. Panic attacks, bad dreams when I am asleep…
I have an appointment with the mental health nurse on Friday.
I know that they cannot change things but I need to tell someone how I’m feeling.
Hope you can get some help.
Posting on here helps me so much.
Thank you everyone.
Take care. 
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So glad to see your post, you sounded so down in your last one then nothing. Such a relief you’ve posted again.
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Morning, I slept last night. My anxiety isn’t too good today, I’m seeing my GP next week to discuss that, wish it could have been sooner, but that was the first appointment. I do hope everyone has a good day, I’m hoping to get in the garden and paint more of my fence today, that could be therapeutic. Sending a hug to anyone who needs it today 
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Morning thank you, I will try. Have a good day too
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Morning Helen, glad you’re feeling a bit better today. I slept a bit more last night. I hope you have a good day 
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Morning LG
I find keeping busy helps, painting the fence is good exercise. If I don’t get out or do jobs I’m not tired enough to sleep. Good luck with your GP, glad your actually getting a face to face appointment x
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Hi Sherbet
That’s what I’m doing now, searching Rightmove. There’s a lovely little house the other side of the village to my daughter but the garden is tiny and there’s no garage. I can’t part with anything of Stephens so I need storage space. I’m going to have to think what I need from a house and stop looking at pretty little cottages.
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Hi Tom I Chatgbt the other night everything that had gone on since losing Stephen with the kids. Our son is struggling with losing his dad, this I knew. He’s pushing us away to protect himself along with filling every moment of his day. It confirmed what I had been thinking which helped. It also said I can’t fix this for him so just make it plain that I’m here whenever he needs me. In time hopefully things will get easier. It’s hard not being able to mention one to the other.
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Hi58trigger
I know that feeling i seen to be able.to.sleep in my living room during the day I try at.night but.its the quietness at night I struggle with and when I sleep in the chair I have an awful habit of biting my tongue i dont know why I do this but I wake up.ans my poor tongue is so.sore I got some sleep but.not a.full night it just evaded me and.my mind is full of everything
Sweetlady
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Hi Helen, it’s very true different children grieve in different ways often conflicting with eachother. It’s just a shame for you as it would be nice to have them all together supporting you. As you say you can only be there for them when they come round and support them. I hope it’s the shortest time possible. Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hi John
That.looks very posh and big you will have some nice views from that hope its all you wanted.and you have some happy times there
Sweetlady
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Thank you Helen have a good day 
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Thanks Tom x
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Lately I don’t seem to struggle sleeping, I do often have trouble getting off, I always put a film on that I’ve seen many times before. I’ve been doing that for years, I originally did this when my back first ‘went’ as the pain made it difficult to get comfortable to go to sleep. I use a film I’ve know as that way I tend to ‘zone’ in on it but don’t need to actually watch it. As I said lately once I’m asleep other than waking for the loo, I’m having the opposite problem of having difficulty waking & getting up. I didn’t notice it changing from trouble sleeping to trouble waking & I can’t even say when it changed, whether it was gradual or sudden, I don’t know! Last night it did take me longer to get off, I had to put a second film on, I dozed through the first, then still had trouble waking up this morning! The big problem with not waking is I get behind with my medication, I have one tablet I have to take on an empty stomach with half a glass of water and can’t have anthing else for at least 30minutes.
I had one small piece of good news yesterday I won £10 on the lottery Thunderball draw! That’s my 4th win in the last couple of weeks, sadly nothing big though!
I’ve had a phone call from the travel agents I’ve booked a cruise with, I emailled on Monday to say I wanted to alter my booking from the one I’ve booked this October to a different one next May. I was getting stressed about the October one already, even though it’s still almost 6months away. It was a fly & cruise and being disabled so needing to take my mobility scooter and other mobility aids, I was getting worried about managing at the airport. I know there’s an assistance service but that’s not until I’m in the airport and booked in with them. The one next May leaves & returns to Southampton and the port disabled parking is fantastic! The first cruise I travelled solo on was very hard emotionally it was booked to celebrate Rachel’s 50th birthday (she passed away 4days after) & our 30th wedding anniversary (which we didn’t quite make). It also set sail on my birthday, something she kept ‘moaning’ about it being for her birthday & left on mine. I parked at the port, alongside the ship, I got my scooter out of the car & took a photo of the day’s 3modes of transport, my scooter & car in the foreground & ship behind. What I didn’t know when I took the picture was my cabin was actually in the shot! It was just through a gate to the luggage drop off point, so couldn’t have been much nearer. Last year’s cruise was valet parking with the car drop off right beside the luggage drop off point. So there’s no long struggle with my luggage whist on my mobility scooter. It’s a shame to cancel October’s one as I was really looking forward to visiting the destinations on it, south of France & west coast of Italy but I don’t want it spoilt by stressing about the airport to come home at the end. Next year’s is the Norwegian fjords which I haven’t done, our first cruise 6 1/2 years ago was northern Norway, we crossed the Arctic Circle as I turned 50 and last year’s did Southern tip of Norway & Denmark.
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Hi tigger, you are an inspiration going on a cruise on your own. I would be worried about feeling on my own with so many people around. It’s a shame you have had to cancel but I hope you enjoy your next one.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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I admire you going on your own , it’s a shame you had to cancel the cruise. Hope you find something more suitable. It’s nice to know you won a £10 . You never know maybe a steak of good luck is coming your way.
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It’s cost me quite alot in admin to switch my booking but I feel much more relaxed already now I’ve done it. The cruises I’ve done although I was travelling solo I wasn’t quite on my own as they’ve all been as part of groups, although we’d never met each other before. The first was as part of a group of almost 1900! We were all fans of ‘Steve Steinman’ there was extra entertainment by him & his band, which was exclusive for the group members. I’d met the organiser and a couple of the band before but nobody else. Steve had set up a fbgroup and had tshirts printed for the cruise which we could buy in advance, these were an absolute godsend to me. I’d posted a lot on the fbgroup about my situation & got a tshirt, it meant we could easily recognise others in the group if they had them. I went into one of the bars before we set sail and was called over by one lady to join them, I was slightly reluctant as there was 6 of them sat at the table and I was on my own but I did, it turned out she was only with her friend and had called the other 2couples over to join them in the same way! The cruise was very hard at times, watching Steve the first night my emotions were everywhere, one minute I was singing along the next crying my eyes out. It may have been hard but I’m glad I went, I’ve met some of the others at shows since. The next cruise was a much smaller group of just 120ish but again we’d never met before. I sew it kept me sane during lockdown (I made 31 sets of scrubs), we were all fans of John Scott, currently a presenter on the Sewing Street shopping channel. It was his first ever cruise & he had no idea what to expect he was very nervous worried that nobody in the group would get on together! He’s had a very interesting life originally working in theatre costume then on tv & film wardrobe, then the fashion expert on “This Morning” & the stories & adventures he’s got up to, including them coming under machine gun fire at one point! The moment he announced his cruise I knew Rachel would have turned to me & said “you want to go, don’t you?” That’s who the cruise I’ve just changed is with, we didn’t have a lot of extra events, a welcome drinks meeting, a couple of ‘stitch & bitch’ sessions and a Q&A with John where answers were to stay on the cruise! John would also post in the evening what he was planning the next day and a meet up time if you wanted to join him. He got a bit of a shock at the first port of call when about half of us joined him to go to a local fabric shop, he didn’t think more than one or two would! I’ve still got a cruise this year in September that’s a “Steve Steinman” group again, from Southampton to France & Spain, some of the same people as last time are also booked & one of Rachel’s school friends is going too.
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Hi tigger, I still think it’s amazing but I understand that it’s nice to be going with people who have something in common to break the ice. Who knows I might give it a go some time down the line. I hope you enjoy your trip in September.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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It was my pleasure @Johnr we have both helped each other enormously this last year on this grief journey.
I am pleased to know that once you are back home in Wales you can start to maybe start your “new life”, I know it’s not what you wanted without Jackie but she would not want you to be sad or lonely. You will have most of your friends and your band there so hopefully your days and nights will ge filled with good things.
I am looking forward to visiting there and seeing how far you have come
It’s been a rollercoaster waiting for the move to close and I can honestly say if I never have to pack a removal box again I won’t be sorry 
but while I have been focusing on you it’s helped me not think about my sorrow which helps me.
It was all nice spending time with you these last five days to say one final goodbye to Brackley and since I got back to my house I’ve done washing and gardening, the grass had gone mad. Unlike yours which took me ten mins mine was an hour and a half.
The only down side to spending time away is the emptiness of the house on my return 
I take comfort in the song you wrote us
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