Night everyone, hope you all have a good night and get some sleep. The wind seems to have really picked up here & it’s raining again!
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I hate the empty side of this bed.
No late night milky drink or even the odd glass of champers , no pillow talk, no snuggling up, no love, no tugging at the duvet, no telling me off for taking all the bed leaving him with just a tiny bit, no bashing the pillows to get them just right, no snoring, no cold feet on me, no waking me up whilst trailing to the loo, no listening to him laughing whilst asleep, no waking up to the words ‘ I love you ‘ that were spoken every morning we were together.
I hate the empty side of this bed.
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So true it’s awful 
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he we go again no sleep whatsoever but feel fine ie not tired, see what the day brings,I’m sure it wont be happiness and laughter but you never know what the future brings as we all know
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3.30 not slept like that in 30 years, up and awake everyday at 3, now I get 1 or no sleep, you lucky
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Try and sleep @Johnr if you can. I know you have so much on your mind.
Maybe drink a warm drink.
Sending a virtual 
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Morning everyone
I’ve been in the garden listening to the birds in the rain. I hope it stops as I have our two other grandchildren today.
Managed to get through the night falling asleep to greek mythology, waking to the wild west then getting up to being a maiden on a long boat (boring histories again)
If only I could remember them all I could do mastermind.
I’m sorry everyone’s had a bad night, my head feels like I have a hangover. Hopefully a couple of coffees will have me ready for two whirling dervishes.
Hope you all have the best day you can x
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Another night of broken sleep, it’s awful. Couldn’t look at the story about the Moon, as my Ray would have loved it. Was so knowledgeable about space, and would take me out on a clear night to point out stars, constellations etc.
When he was in hospital and I’d return home at night in tears, I’d get out of the car and think ‘how am I ever going to look up at the stars again’
Too sad
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Hi Mitzi all those things sound lovely especially the snuggling up together that’s what I miss.
Wishing you a lovely day
Tom 
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Oh how I miss those things too. I had a broken nights sleep last night, very tired again. Better get a coffee.
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@Mitzi1 I miss all those things as well.
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Morning Everyone
It’s a bit grey and raining here . Nothing much planned for today. A visit to the supermarket, and walking the dog. Sorry to hear a lot of you had a disturb nights sleep. Hope you get through the day the best you can .
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I did drop off for an hour but got up at 7.30.
A really bad night for me as it has been for others 
Eyes are a bit like this poor chap
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Hi all I posted yesterday about Pauls birthday and just wanted to say thanks for all the kind messages. I actually decorated the bathroom!!! it looks nice actually and we were going to move then not move so everything needed unpacking so I have made that my busy project in the last few months and it has helped. I also posted a video on Pauls memorialised Facebook page someone sent me after Paul died of an old band he was in (he was a drummer) 40ish years ago which is really awesome with a message and had so many kind and thoughtful messages. His daughter Allie is doing a half marathon in aid of children bereaved which is lovely so nudged her justgiving page. I went out for dinner with Emily, Pauls older daughter, her boyfriend and my daughter Kitty and her boyfriend and it was really really lovely. Sad of course but also lots of kindness, good memories and support for each other. I am very very thankful. 
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Mitzi1
Morning everyone.
I feel all those things too everyday.
Would give anything to have Keith beside me in bed.
Been awake again for hours thinking which is not good as the tears flow and I feel panicky.
Why am I left here on earth trying to carry on this strange life.
I am tired of not sleeping which makes things worse.
I try to keep doing things but just to stop the sad thoughts coming.
Sorry to ramble as I know so many of you going through this horrible grief journey.
Just wish I had someone to share how I feel.
I have been blessed to find this community.
Take care everyone.
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I was awake n tossing n turning till around 2.30 so decided hot milk with a good glug of bourbon was the answer….it was..!!!
I don’t know how you carry on with such very very little sleep, maybe it’s just your metabolism .
Makes for long days n nights though.
Were you the same when your wife was with you.?
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not as bad but always awake at 3, I’m never tired though,headache now and then , its been hardly any sleep since wife died,this week I’ve had about 4 hours sleep in 7 days, just don’t seem to need it
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I always think deeply and I am far more tearful when I’m tired. Our minds race.
It’s exhausting trying to keep finding things to do to keep those overwhelming feelings at bay and often we just can’t and have to go with it.
Even when we’ve had a relatively good day or even week there’s always the reality of our life without our loved ones lurking to set us off again.
It never ceases to amaze me how every day I see Johns dressing gown behind the door, his shaving stuff in bathroom drawer, his picture in the bedroom and one day I’m absolutely fine seeing those things but then another day they set me off in floods of tears, not necessarily lasting long but intense at the time.
What a journey we are all on..!!!
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