Mitz1
Your words are so true to how I feel and think.
It is helpful to know that others
feel the same and that dreaded feeling of loss, loneliness, and tears keep coming back.
The price we pay for the love we had and still have for our soulmates.
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So so true the house is so quiet empty hearing our loved ones call our name laughing and doing silly childish things my wife and I would ask each other if something was ok I really struggle coming home to an empty house and the weekends are so so hard to just everything is so hard everything in the house is still the same I am truly really broken into tiny pieces I do wish I could be with her so much again it is a very lonely lonely place now without our loved ones being by our sides the way it was meant to be every weekend I am really struggling just alone in my own thoughts nobody to talk to I talk to my wife all the time cry constantly I am struggling today to get up I have only just got up made a cup of tea and come back to be where I feel safe please take care everyone
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Mitzi1, that is exactly how I feel, i hate it, we always said i love you before bed and on waking up, they were the last words my husband said to me that night as early morning I was doing cpr on him 
, to think i never new it was our last cuddle and words before bed, its heartbreaking, i hate the loneliness and empty side of bed too 
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Love01,Babycake,Mitzi1
We all have the same feelings and thoughts.
Thank you all for sharing how you feel.
Take care.
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I agree I find bedtime horrible without Rachel being there beside me. Yes there were lots of times she was missing because she was in hospital but there was the hope that tomorrow night she’d be home again. Then you wake up & find them missing all over again.
I was late getting up today (9.30) it was a bad night here in the caravan, it got very windy lastnight which it still is this morning but the rain overnight was very heavy (way beyond the nice restful sound it can be on the roof). The caravan nextdoor has left this morning & a couple opposite, I assume the kids are back to school on Monday. My in-laws are booked in the Premier Inn in Porthmadog, from Monday to Thursday & we’re booked on the Ffestiniog Railway on Tuesday morning, which looks the better day weatherwise next week.
The sun’s just come out again at the moment, not sure how long before it’s raining again!
Try to have an alright day everyone, whatever you have to do today.
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We used to manage caravan parks on the east coast, we loved it and especially the rain on the roof was so relaxing, I hope the sun comes out on Tuesday, its my birthday, but the first one without my husband, not looking forward to it at all, infact im dreading it, hope you have a great time on Tuesday on the railway, enjoy it best you can, sending hugs to everyone that needs one today xx
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How the sun comes out for you , the sun has come out here as well, enjoy the railway.
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Hope you find something you like to do on your special day . I know it won’t be the same , try to enjoy your day . 
Happy Birthday
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Thankyou so much, it will never be the same, I will be going out for tea with my daughters, I will put on a brave face for them, I always do, they just dont realise how broken i am inside, I hate this journey as you all do x
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Sending hugs 
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I am sat here in tears, I have just had a random guy knock on my door. My husband used to own his own company repairing boats .This guy had found my address from company’s house .Companies house take a long time to close the companies down . The guy was very apologetic when I told what had happened to my husband. and soon left . For some reason it fetched everything back . And really upset me .
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Hi Sherbet10 I’m sorry to hear that you are crying. These things that we aren’t expecting often bring back the feelings of sorrow and loss.
I hope you have a more peaceful afternoon
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Sherbet10 sending hugs
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Oh Sherbet, thinking of you. That is very tough to deal with x
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I talk about my partner all the time, if I didn’t I don’t think anyone else would. I think they’re afraid they’ll upset me but it’s worse when nobody mentions his name. They always asked about him when was alive. People are strange.
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I am so sorry that made you you cry please take care
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Today it is 6 weeks since my wonderful husband died. I’ve been crying on and off the whole morning. Missing him so much, as someone said in another thread “The times of joy and happiness are now behind” - how do people manage to find hope and a desire to keep going, other that surviving one day at a time?
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I hope you’re feeling a little better now after your ‘visitor’ I had a lady knock on the door late November, after I lost Rachel in February. We used to make & decorate Christmas cakes which we sold for charity to friends & family and some friends of friends, also a few other people we knew. She asked if Rachel was doing them again that year, her Mum was in the car with her & had sent her to ask. She was very appologetic when I told her what had happened, she then had to go back to her car & tell her Mum. So I know exactly how you’re feeling, I still can’t work out how she hadn’t heard, the ‘jungle telegraph’ had got the news to most people. I even had one friend who phoned whilst we were on our way home from the hospital, to check what she’d just heard! so they’d found out before we’d told her Mum or mine! We’d told a Vicar, who we’d all known since she was a curate, as we met her in the corridor at the hospital. She’d told someone else, who in turn told someone else, who then called this mutual friend to ask if what she’d just heard was true. Which is when she called me, it was only just over an hour since Rachel had passed away.
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Anita_66 just surviving one day at a time is all you can do at the moment, you’re still very early on this awful journey. Gradually the days get a little easier to survive, that doesn’t mean there won’t be bad days, some absolutely awful, there will. Even when you think you’re having a better day grief will still be hiding somewhere ready to jump out and trip you up. I’ve had really bad episodes when out and about, one of the worst in Tesco when I saw Rachel’s favourite wine on the shelf. I ended up absolutely sobbing, leaning on my trolley for support, another in Aldi I saw a fish fillet with a spice tomato topping, which we both would’ve loved only problem it served 2 & couldn’t be split, again I ended up crying not quite as badly as in Tesco but bad enough.
I’m now 26months into this new existence and still have really bad days, where all I want to do is curl up in a ball and ignore the world. To add to this awfulness 51weeks almost to the minute after losing Rachel, I lost my Mum, both of the around noon (Rachel at 12.05, Mum about then) 4days after there birthdays and both in the same hospital. The one thing I’m pleased about is that Rachel will never have to go through any of this, losing me or even dealing with losing a parent.
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Dear sherbet
I’m so sorry you’ve had to tell someone again, it’s unbelievably hard. My husband had his own business too so I really should turn on his phone but I’m dreading any messages.
It’s absolutely pouring down here, I’m sat in the conservatory listening to the pitter patter of raindrops on the floor. Monday starts a full week of viewings, who on earth will I get to come look at it this time.
Oh well, I’ll put down some towels and leave. Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day for us both x
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