Goodnight John
Your Granddaughter and her boyfriend have done a great job, it all looks immaculate.
I have had a good day, a pleasant day out, went instead for a walk around Burghley House grounds, then to Stamford Garden Centre.
A long walk, but a lovely day, nearly fell asleep when I got home.
Although I am lucky in that I still have our son and daughter at home, the tears still fall when I come home, I miss my man so much. 
Sleep well xx
@Flints im so glad ypu had a nice day and enjoyed your walk and the garden centre hope you get some sleep i know your missing your Mark so much i walked lily the dog tonight but just set me off being out missing my Linda lots also its crap ain’t it but i hope you get some sleep take care you hope john gets some sleep too nice to see him on the zoom call tonight take care fella tomorrow will be here sooner than we realise another day hugs to all I’m going to try get to that horrid hospital tmoz at between 9-12 walk in system app to get this x ray and ct scan on this cancer pathway i find myself on now lets see where this takes me now just want my linds but not gona happen love to all
Martin 
Thank you Martin.
I hope tomorrow goes okay at the hospital.
Hope you sleep okay xx
Hope you have a good day too John. The sun is shining here, which is nice. Just giving my dog his brekkie.
Well had the x ray and justcwaiting for the call back now to go have the CT done with all the dye and stuff pumped in 
thank you everyone very traumatic going there for the first time since my Linda passed there cried pretty much rest of the day not really wanting to go back for the scan tbh hope everyone has had a ok day sun been out at least here hope your parcel turned up ok John nice to know the sun out for you Jim take care all
Martin
@Johnr
I really like the photos of Jackie. They’re lovely. I hope they bring you some comfort John. I don’t know why life has to be this way. It’s not fair and so sad.
@Johnr thank you John hope she would that wasn’t nice just looking at it turns my stomach over love the pictures I’ve got this one of my Linda when she got her wedding dress and she sent the picture to her daughter i really didn’t get to see it until she passed and she never got to wear it as we due to marry this year after losing my dad and covid and her mum being poorly and falling it got put back so we had her dressed in it for her funeral shoes as well which we had to keep as they wouldn’t accept them in the crematorium so brought them home there on display now but she was in her dress finally and got to wear it but for all the wrong reasons and occasion it was bought for her and her alone wished id got to see her walk down the aisle towards me instead of what was happening that day god she looked amazing in that pic so had to get it printed off and framed take care all this evening
Martin
@Johnr
I totally understand that John. We hold our darling loved ones near to us in which ever way we can. They brought us SO much happiness… completed us, and devoted their lives to us. I remember my beloved mum, who was never the same after my dad passed away. She tried to carry on without him by her side. Looking back now… I can see that she missed him terribly, was consumed by grief and struggled to get through each day. It’s only now I understand how she truly felt and what she went through. It’s only now… that I get it 
you can’t understand this level of loss and pain, unless you experience it yourself 
I didn’t understand how much my mum missed my dad when he passed, or I was too busy to notice. I am sorry now.
@Martin64
I am so very sorry for your loss Martin. Your lovely Linda looks stunning in her wedding dress. My heart bleeds for the fact she didn’t get to wear it for the happy and joyous occasion it was intended for… your wedding. It’s so sad. I cannot come to terms with how unfair and cruel this life is. I can’t make any sense of it. I’m so sorry 
Sorry you have had such a traumatic day Martin, of course you would be weepy, sad memories.
It’s been sunny here, but I have been “out of sorts” today, must have been too tired due to a bad night, got very upset and panicky knowing my life is taking a path that I don’t want.
It’s been sunny here, but I have been indoors most of the day, moping about.
Take care, goodnight xx
Goodnight John
I have been very weepy today, had a bad night, sobbing over never being able to be with Mark again, it became so bad, I thought I would suffocate.
I am at work for a few days, starting tomorrow, filling in for a colleague who is on holiday. Maybe it will do me good, who knows, it could go either way.
Hope you sleep well.
Goodnight xx
Such a beautiful picture Martin xx
Thank you everyone for your lovely words i do love this picture and truly do wish i had seen her use it for the purpose it was bought for too that was taken from me and does hurt so much cruel yes its been hell of a day by the sounds of it for us all today Yes lets call it a night and see what tomorrow brings take care all try and sleep hugs and thoughts for everyone night night
Martin
Hello John
It’s good that your doctor is keeping an eye on you. I hope you and everybody has a better day today. Going to join my local community group for coffee and chat later. Anything to get me out of the house really.
Yes John, our lovely ladies are still looking out for us.
Morning All.
Just dropped my granddaughter at school after her sleeping here last night. It’s good to have her as it keeps me occupied so not dwelling all the time on John. He wouldn’t want me to but like all of us on here we just can’t help it…it’s love…pure n simple…
The family were out last night for a meal for a 70th birthday and it was lovely and I enjoyed seeing all my family together…didn’t feel tearful so maybe I’m learning to live alongside the grief and loss. Tears never far away but not the gut wrenching tsunami. I really hope that doesn’t happen again but I have a feeling it will sometimes.
Swimming this afternoon n then see my youngest son who is having his own work related problems at the moment and who I need to support and to put my feelings on the back burner. He’s more important than me…
I hope everyone has a better day than yesterday…
@Johnr
Thanks John.
The painting your granddaughter n her chap did looks lovely by the way…
That is all positive John. Well done!
Goodnight John
I had an alright day in work, no tears until I got home and realised how horrible my future looks.
Have a good sleep xx
