@12Mossgiel i too haven’t had a single dream in the 7 months Linda not been here either i really don’t know why either as i too have her on my mind all the time love hearing the birds linda loved the blackbirds esp on the feeders in the back garden we used to have several female grey wagtails as they love the pond and water apparently but they vanished last summer thought we lost for good but just after linda passed in oct they suddenly reappeared had me in floods 
it did so wish she had been here to see them return she always called them her bee bops as they always bob but just this last few weeks again both females have gone but the one male still about at the moment which is nice loads of sparrows and a robin appeared yest to come in garden and get some food and water oh well another weekend is here i dread them just seem to get down i got to bury my koi fish i lost yest too had it 7 years but some reason its died thats three of by big ones now in 9 months and font know why im not going to replace them as not sure im staying here its causing me to many emotions being here without my lind now struggle to go anywhere as it triggers me everywhere i go without her here feel like it does not want me here sound silly i know but thats how it feels i hope you all have a ok weekend hugs from me take care in what you doing 
Martin
@Johnr appropriate hotel name John the same name as my favourite album of all time just about by the eagles and the song i used to sing to my Linda off that very album remember it coming out bought It straight away still have it here on lp played the last track on it at funeral for her but couldn’t sing it unfortunately (the last resort)
always reminded me of her life she never had anyone sing to her before me getting together with lind no pressure then 
but love that last track but whole album to be honest where was that pic taken if you don’t mind me asking John i cant recognise the car and being a car guy its bugging me not knowing looks european or poss Italian car not british maybe Fiat or lancia but not sure
Take care Martin
We’ve never had wagtails in our garden although they do appear sometimes in the park at the other side of the village. I can’t get used to saying ‘I’.
Not having a good day today……how can I want to have him back with me when he suffered so much. Oh dear……this is awful.
Ian was on oxygen 24/7 for the last year of his life. He had Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis . Scarring of the lung. The term ‘idiopathic’ meant that the cause of the disease wasn’t known.
Great video John. Thanks for sharing.
Hi John!
I’m a dab hand with boiler issues now 
I have I take it like yourself have an annual boiler service plan. We got our boiler renewed just 3 years ago our 30+year old floor standing boiler finally gave up and we were told that parts for that were now obsolete so we would need to get a shiny new wall mounted one so got a new one. One day the pressure went down on it and had no hot water or heating so phoned them and the engineer came out and fixed it but showed me what to do incase it happened again and it was quite simple. Mine is in a cupboard so it’s just making sure there is space for the engineer to work round when he comes to service it but I get what you mean having everything cleared. I am like that Jay (my husband) used to say to me just move all that stuff to one side but like every woman I think I’m a bit particular as to how my house looks when strangers come in. A couple of other little DIY tricks I’ve managed to pick up along the way as well. This was always his department. Man things as you call them. I’ve chuffed too that I have managed to get the car through two MOTs without being ripped off as I’m a female. I just take it to the same guy as Jay did because he knew him now knows me and he is very honest and reliable and won’t add things on unless they are needed.
@Johnr yes John spot on i got my first car in 77 just got my car licence and bought a Hillman hunter lol with a cassette player i fitted after taking out the 8 track bought the tape and lp i loved it so much and just a year after the best summer apparently in76 and me riding my moped fantastic video John that nice to see ah Spain my mum used to live Spain for nearly 20 years passed there 2007 yeah think it is fiat wouldn’t mind but i work for a fiat dealers years back but its def before my days there
@12Mossgiel aww i think its our pond that attracts them they love running fresh water pick the bugs of all our lilly pads love to see them they def Linda’s fave never had them till we moved here she just loved nature hedgehogs/ birds aww i know that feeling saying us not i sorry you having a bad day they do come from out of the blue I’m having a few days not good but its fine you say it how u feel cos it will always be us to us i get it your Ian will always be there i wish i had a time machine to just go back take us back to a time this wasn’t happening to any of us if only
@VIP2162 oh i wish you could have sorted my boiler out Vicky mine did that the other month lost all water pressure kept having to top it up daily and had a guy out who wanted £500 to repair it for about just over an hours work luckily we have a charity here that stepped in because I’m caring for my Lindas mum and she under adult social care carers due to health issues they got it sorted out for us at no cost which i was so grateful for not sure if it local charity or national one but glad it was glad u found a trustworthy garage mechanic i used to work in car industry and heard and saw some atrocious behaviour by some people garages towards women customers i always take ours to the same garage Linda would have been looked after by them if it had been me not here its run be a lovely lady that linda got on like a house on fire and she still gives me a hug and birthday present now linda passed she was totally devastated when i went in to tell her linda had passed away bless her there few and far between but glad u have a good one right enough of my waffle i goto try and face taking the dog for a walk round our local spot here at Mountbatten its just difficult to do alone without lind now and beats me up big time bit i try battle the tears as it such an amazing view across to Cornwall just 3 miles across the plymouth sound lots of boats she loved to watch coming and going if its nicevi pop a pic on when i get back
Take care all this evening big hug
Martin
I have had a good day today, my eldest son, his partner and my lovely Granddaughter came to visit.
They built a slip and slide in the garden and had hours of fun. I contemplated having a go, but thought better of it, it was a bit rough for me!
After that she wanted to dig to Australia, so I found her a spot out in the woody area of the garden, and she dug to her hearts content.
She has made me promise not to fill in the hole, because when she comes again, the work will continue. She said, in the meantime, she will consider the infra-structure!! Ha ha, children are so optimistic, it’s a shame we lose it as we grow older.
I am now chilling with a glass of red wine, and contemplating dinner.
It was good to have my mind diverted from all the sadness for a day.
Hello John, I love the video.
I am like you, if I could go back in time, I would try to be a better wife, and tell Mark how much I loved him, I didn’t say it as much as I could have done xx
Hi Martin
Oh i’m not that clever when it comes to things dealing with gas I leave that to the experts as well as electricity but this what the engineer showed me is a simple little task anything else I wouldn’t have a clue. That’s a bit much £500 for a repair!! good job you got the charity to help out. I get my repairs included with my service cover. People say these things are a waste of money but there you are if I had to phone Joe Bloggs heating engineers it would probably cost me an arm and a leg to get it fixed. Peace of mind for me and for me now on my own I need things like this.
@Flints aww that is so sweet bless hope no one falls down the hole then it is a shame we lose it enjoy your wine you deserve that shame y didnt get a go on the slide yeah its nice having a distraction esp when its with family
@VIP2162 im an ex mechanical engineer but i def wont touch boilers he said the pressure vessel was gone and had to fit new one the parts were about £100 as its a Worcester and dear on parts app but £400 labour yep i thought that was pricy too the one who fixed it sad he didn’t need to take it off the wall to do it as he did it in place so think he was trying it on but yes glad they stepped in
@Johnr I’m positive your Jackie loved you to bits in her own way and i think she was protecting you bud really do my Linda was like that tried hiding feelings but we were such soulmates i could tell and she said to me i cant keep anything from you you just know me and are just another part of me i have to tell you everything because you just know if there something on my mind i even said things she was thinking before she said a word thats how connected we were just total soulmates guess that’s why its making it so dam hard now even 7 months down the line my mind has no connection now feels so quiet in my mind just feel pain and lost now as im sure as hell we all are too hurts like nothing i can describe Well least little lily the dog is bit happier after her walk but the tears were not far behind took this pic in between the eyes filling up
Take care everyone hugs
Martin
Good night John hope the port helps a generous one yes i think so take care 
Hello John
It must be nice to have your Granddaughter and boyfriend with you, a bit of company helps, doesn’t it?
Me and Mark were not sentimental, but I hope he knew that I loved him.
Take care, sleep well xx
That’s a very serene picture!
Sleep well
Goodnight xx
@Flints Thank you it was tonight very serene surprisingly but brought the tears you sleep well my loverly
sleep for me just doesn’t arrive part of my torture i guess hugs to everyone
Morning John
It’s another sunny day here, I’ve been tidying the garden after yesterday’s fun.
My youngest daughter has today off, she wants us to go out somewhere. My youngest son is at the Rutland show, so we might go and pay him a visit. Not sure where we will go yet, but she hates the house since Mark went.
Maybe we will go to Gates Garden Centre, just outside Oakham.
Whatever we do, I hope you have a good day, I know you will feel sad when your Granddaughter goes home, it’s nice to see family, but when they go, the tears flow.
Enjoy your day xx
Lovely colour that John , they’ve done a good job
Stunning job that John they have done themselves proud Jackie would be very impressed im sure looks great love the colour
Martin
What a beautiful photograph. Always feel i want to reach in and bring them out.She was a beautiful women.
Great job John. Wish I had grandchildren!