Is it not the hottest day…
My garden is sweltering so I’m in n out of the house all the time. Even the birds are hiding but I just love it.
Went to buy some bits for my hols this morning n then nipped in Aldi n just thought how much I’d love John to be here for this wonderful summer and to sit together just chatting n having a wine…I’d give anything for those times back again…
It’s rush bearing tomorrow and I remember last year was the first time John had heard of it let alone seen it and I don’t think he was that impressed but we had a great time nevertheless.
Happy memories…
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Mitzi, it’s so bloody hard thinking of plans you have made or watching your children/grandchildren grow up.
Even though we didn’t have specific holiday plans, because of Jackie’s illness, I would give anything, even my life, to have her back to see people grow up. 
Sadly, it will never happen. 
I find memories can be happy or extremely painful, depending on how I’m feeling.
You try to have a good holiday.
BTW I have never heard of rush bearing either.
Take care
What is rush bearing it sounds intriguing
Please. Explain
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No idea but Mitzi knows
Mitzi
Please can’t bear the suspense “what is rush bearing “.
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I googled it and found it is an old English festival where rushes are gathered and strewn on the floor of the parish church.
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Very similar to an old irish tradition. , how fantastic that some of the old traditions continue . Thanks Rajay
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@Nedh
Sorry just caught up with all this about rush bearing…
Rajay is absolutely right, rushes are carried on a cart pulled by morris men with people dressed as scarecrows and all sorts of strange costumes…flower girls dance to the beat of a big drum with bells on their clogs etc.
it’s a strange sight to be honest and I’m still not sure I like it.
Reminds me of the film the Wicker Man…horrid film…!!!
Anyway they end up in the park where there are stalls etc and there’s usually a huge party all afternoon n well into the night
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I was thinking Wicker Man
Sounds like an excuse for a booze up
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End of another day, slightly weepy for me…
Even though I have been out today, my sole human contact has been the man behind the counter in the post office and a young lady on the checkout. Both were very nice but it’s not the same as a chat.
Luckily Jackie’s cousin in Wales called me and we had a long chat.
So good night and try to sleep in this heat 
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Sounds fantastic Mitzi
This could be an episode of the Waltons. Good night Mary Ellan
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Another day starts.
Hard to believe it’s 18 weeks today since I lost Jackie .
Why is life so cruel?
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Good morning John,
I constantly ask myself that very same question.
How can life be so cruel?
It’s just not fair.
18 weeks… I bet it seems like an eternity without your lovely Jackie.
Nothing can or will ever be the same again, and that makes me so desperately sad, it really does.
I don’t know how any of this can even be real.
It’s so catastrophic.
Do you have any plans for today John?
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Morning 
I have just replied to your other post and please don’t take it the wrong way. I am just offering advice based on what happened at my two funeral services for Jackie.
Yes it’s been an eternity, cruel and not fair. The only consolation I tell myself is that Jackie is no longer in pain. I dread to think what would have happened to her if it had been me that went first. Sadly what’s happened to all of us is real, which is so heartbreaking.
As every day, I get up early. Today I changed the bed and put the dirty stuff in the washing machine. Seems quiet in the kitchen, so it must have finished. Next task is to out it out on the line.
Then I have to get showered and dressed and pop down the shop for a paper. I like to be out of the house around 9.30 as Jackie passed at 9.38, just 8 feet from where I am sat.
Have you any plans?
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24 weeks for me early this morning. Yes i was a wake as i am every week at that time. I hope you have a nice walk.
Hung my washing out, always makes me sad.
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Morning All.
Beautiful morning here so washing in, sun loungers out n parasol up. Probably breakfast outside wishing John was with me but not possible.
My neighbour who was widowed last October is already outside so we will have a catch up over the fence…she’s 84 and an inspiration to me to be honest
Later down to the park with a picnic I’ve got to make up for the family…might just take them all to the cricket club for a meal ( brilliant food ) instead. It’d be a lot easier.
Hope everyone manages a good day, well as much as we can…that’s all we can hope for just now…
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Morning Mitzi.
Sounds like you have a busy day ahead.
We all need inspirations. Mine is Jackie’s cousin in Wales. She has been widowed 8 years so know what we all endure. She is also the same age as me, but 2 years older than Jackie. Got married 6 months after us.
Anyway, cricket club sounds a better choice on a hot day like this is going to be. Hopefully they’ll have air conditioning
Take care xx
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Morning Mitzi and all here.
Sounds like a good day in prospect. I have got my niece and her family coming for lunch in the garden. Pasta and salad. Sue will be pleased that people are coming to her garden again. Of course she will be hugely missed but it is so important to preserve her memory every day.
Hope you all have the best day you can and stay cool.
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Walked to the shop earlier and happened to take my phone out at the exact time Jackie passed 18 weeks ago.
Was she telling me not to keep leaving the house every Saturday at this time?
Started me crying a few yards before Little Tescos. Had to wipe tears away before going in.
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Hello John,
Having spent 6 weeks at the hospice, and countless weeks previous to that in hospitals constantly by my angel’s side before he left, there is a backlog of chores both inside and outside the house that need doing.
And under normal circumstances I would happily tackle all of these jobs, without even thinking about it.
However, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and the constant longing for my darling soulmate are not allowing me to function normally.
My motivation has disappeared John, and I just think what’s the point to any of this now?
Also, I am feeling very anxious too (so unlike me).
I believe that this due to not having very much family for support.
Today, I will do my best to write the eulogy, that will be difficult enough.
I want to be able to function… it’s almost like I am waiting for him to walk through the door, and then I will be able to get on with things.
I know it’s early days and everything is extremely raw.
The problem is we were so devoted, dependent and reliant on each other, which was absolutely great, but now, without my darling soulmate, I’m like a lost soul without any sense of direction.
He was my security blanket, always there for me, and now he isn’t.
I feel so alone.
Thanks for asking John.
Eve xx
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