Morning everyone another hot day here, this time last year Ray was at home, it turned out to be his last week with me. Now I have made the decision to move to be near to family I feel content, this house is too big for me and is meant to be a happy family home again. Ray will be with me always no matter where I am. I hope you all have the best day you can.
Jane
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Heartofgold, you could have written those exact words for me. I also have to write a Eulogy but not sure I will be able to deliver it.
Wow so many people with such similar stories , lots of pain but some great inspiration and hope to. And without hope we have nothing
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Oh Eve, I know it doesn’t really help you, but and I suspect many here, also lack motivation to get on with things.
As I write this, I am sat on the sofa bed that Jackie used to sleep on, when I should be getting on with some jobs around the house as I am planning to move.
It’s really difficult but I try to write a list of 5 things to do every day, if I can. I don’t always succeed, but I try.
You have to start functioning. I am so sorry for being blunt, especially in words rather than talk, but your soulmate and my Jackie are never going to walk through that door, at least physically. Both of them would want us to be as strong as we can in this heartbreaking time.
You and I both need support. Not just help in doing tasks around the house, but support for our brains and hearts. I find it’s difficult for close family members to give that type of support, so have been lucky enough to have NHS counselling sessions. I have had 5 so far and another booked.
I also have a cousin of Jackie’s who lost her husband in 2017, so knows what it’s like. Just having a chat over the phone helps bring me out of the depths of despair. I would say you really need to talk to someone, whether it be a counsellor or close friend.
I am still grieving quite badly, but in the first week or so, I even rang the Samaritans, not because I was contemplating killing myself, I just had to speak to someone, one night.
Now just let your heart dictate what to say in your eulogy. It doesn’t have to be a poem or even be perfect English. The right words will come to you.
You are not alone. All of us are here to chat and help.
Write whatever you can. Take some breaks to clear your head and have food and plenty of drink. It’s going to be hot.
All the best 
John
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It took me a week to write Rays Eulogy, I included happy times, funny stories as well as my sadness, I did not deliver it as I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I wrote it as if I was talking to him from my heart.
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Thanks Rayjay
I was beginnng to feel like a failure not being able to deliver. I may do it but right now I would not get past the first line.
Thank you
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Don’t put pressure on yourself, my first draft I wrote as though I was talking to Ray and tweaked it when I felt up to it. Thinking of you.
Jane
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This sums up me and andrew nevee needed anyone else ans now i am lost did not think this would be my life at 54
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We were together from when i was 18 spent more of my life with than without him. Half of me is missing i get through by saying i promised i would be strong for him
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Exactly Jane.
That’s what I did with a letter that was placed in Jackie’s coffin. The letter was more of my perspective at losing her than a description of her life, which the vicar was going to do anyway. I wanted to say all the things I didn’t get chance to, during her life.
It was a tearjerker for me when writing it and even now, reading it again nearly 3 months after her funeral. 
Jackie,
It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a short while since you left. In that time, it feels like I’ve been living in some sort of dream. At times, it feels as though I’m moving through the motions, like a zombie. Other times, it’s a nightmare that I can’t seem to escape, a constant, gnawing feeling that I’m losing myself without you. The thought that you’re never coming back is almost too much to bear.
The hardest part is going to bed at night. In the quiet, I relive our happiest moments together. I dream of us, as though we’ve had eighty years together instead of the years we had. It’s so hard to accept that those moments are just that; moments in a dream, not reality.
There are days when I feel you near, as if you’re still here with me. I can almost hear your voice in the stillness, and I hold on to that feeling like a lifeline. But then, there are days when doubt creeps in, and I’m left thinking that you’re truly gone, that I’m clinging to something that’s not there. It’s a strange and painful place to be, even as I write this letter to you.
One thing that’s become clear is how life moves on for everyone else, and there are moments when I find myself avoiding others. They have their own burdens, their own lives to live. But I’ve also been touched by the kindness of our family and friends, many of whom you would have been so surprised by. Their support has been a reminder of how deeply you were loved, and how many lives you’ve touched.
The love and companionship you gave me is a rare gift, something I know only comes once in a lifetime. I can’t imagine life without you in it. Before you, my life felt aimless, like a melody without purpose. Now, the music feels hollow.
Where have you gone, my love? Why did you have to leave so soon? I’m left with a void I don’t know how to fill. What will I do without you? I miss you more than words can express.
I love you, Jackie. Always and forever.
John
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Beautiful words John
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Thanks.
I had the letter and a poem that I wrote for the internment of Jackie’s ashes in Wales framed.
I haven’t hung them up yet as keeping them for when I move, hence the cardboard protectors
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Wow both of those have brought tears to my eyes because again they speak of similar feelings and emotions surely this level of pain cannot continue indefinitely. This cross is heavy and unless I get stronger orbits gets lighter I am not going to survive
Beautiful words from you both
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Cross is extremely heavy, but we sadly have to bear it. You, I and the rest here on this sad place will learn to survive this. We are all in this together.
Take care 
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Nedh,
It is a hard path and you are going to have both,crap and worse days ahead.
We will get through this with the support of each other.
So just take it minute by minute. Do not push yourself to hard and take care
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Lovely that John 
Youngest daughter moved out of her house this morning. They are staying here with me until we get it right.
Emotional, Paul did everything for her in her other houses but with his spiritual guidance we will do it.
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Thank you both not sure how I would cope if I did not have this forum.
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You will do it Mezza, along with you daughter and Paul.
Take care
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Thanks John … hope so.
Just watching Live Aid on tv … wow 40 years ago! Remember it well. and our son was born 12 days later … so many memories 
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Jane your husband died the same week as mine. I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year and although I cry less, I miss him more. I so want to move but my children live so far apart that I can’t make a decision.
I hope you manage to move quickly now you’ve made the decision.
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