Today is grey - wet - and is Sunday
Weekends are so difficult
I hear often - be busy - do stuff etc etc - and I do all these things but… it is not possible to be constantly with someone or doing something.
I am constantly busy, I meet friends, I do exercise classes, I work part time, I go for swim and sauna, I go for walks , my family is supportive but…that feeling of loneliness is there - and today is one of those days I look with horror at the hours in front of me. I do have things to do and I keep doing them but there is a knot in my throat and the hole in my heart - I so hate to live alone and to live without my Jack and I really don’t know how to make things better
So girls - please tell me ways that you make your weekends easier?
There must be a way to make weekends easier? It is so exhausting to look ok, well, even cheerful!!
Hope you are ok today
Hi Sadie, today has been a day that can drive us crazy. The hours have taken so long to pass, so it doesn’t help. Usually I plan my weekends with things to do, I don’t treat the days as any different to the rest of the week, this is how I cope but today has been s**t. Can’t go out for long walks or tend to my allotment!!!
I totally understand because I am very much like you. except I don’t work but I do keep busy and have my allotments which I treat as a job as they take up 3/4 days of the week. I exercise/yoga, go to the gym, do long walks and a member of the Ramblers, sometimes not enough days in the week so like you keep busy. My family do their best but have their own busy life. I am also starting to socialise more but that emptiness doesn’t go. I wonder if it will ever get better or if we have to learn to adapt and accept the life we now have. What I have taken to doing is talking to women that live alone and hearing how they cope. Some say they now prefer to live alone, this gives me hope that I will one day learn to cope as I know this is it for me, I will always be alone.
Yes Pat I think we just get used to it but some days are so much harder
Just been for a walk - will do a bit of cross stitch . During the walk I spoke a lot to Jack - I went a route that we always did - and I was asking where is he?
In physics it seems there are 11 dimensions and in these dimensions there another me and another Jack and maybe in that dimension I am happy w him around me!!
My poor cat got locked in the garage the whole night!! Poor thing she must have been so distressed because she spent the whole day sleeping in my bed
You are right!! Planning is the root to success and although I planned today I didn’t have a plan B
You lucky thing being able to go out for a walk. It’s poured down here all day. I managed two short walks with the dogs and that was it. Thank goodness for my friends on the forum.
Your poor cat, I hope your making it up to her. My dogs could never get locked anywhere as they hog the bed at night and I couldn’t miss them!!!
I’m always asking Brian where he is when out walking or at the allotment. I hope that he will show himself in some form or other.
Well, I work full time and then do overtime on Saturdays so Sunday is the only day I have to shop, clean and do the washing, plus I usually do a 120 mile round trip to see my father on a Sunday as well so it’s always a very busy day for me. I never used to do overtime because I wanted to spend every possible minute with Clive, but now I find it helps - the weekends are so long and quiet it’s better to be in work - plus the fact that the extra money helps with toys and holidays!
Skywise - you don’t have time to breathe!
Good it works for you
I think I must fill my weekends a bit more and stick to my plans. Today I had plans but I decided not to go ahead - big mistake because by the end of the day I was feeling quite low
I do understand how you feel, I have started to ignore the fact that it is the weekend and treat it as 2 long days, The hole in our hearts will never be filled, I have said this before, grief is the most horrendous feeling in my opinion. Within 3 years my brother died, my friend of 72 years died and then Stan, my dearest husband died, all suddenly This forum is a Godsend.
I am really sorry that your Jack passed away. Because of medical conditions, I am practically housebound.
Take care. Blessings
MaryL x x
Sweet Mary. You and I are similar in that we lost our very best friend in the world, 7 months later my brother to pancreatic cancer, followed 5 months later by my wonderful husband. My brother died a horrible death over a period of 8 months, so there’s a part of me that is grateful that my husband died very suddenly. I know we’re left with the shock but I also know that he didn’t suffer. The consultant told me that he would have known nothing about it. There are times when I still can’t believe he is gone.
I remember thinking after the loss of our friend and my brother, if things come in threes then who next? Never in a million years did I think it would me my husband David. He was so fit and healthy. He had just retired and had so much to live for, so many plans and projects.
Mary, you mention the hole in our hearts will never be filled but I like to think that my heart isn’t broken, because it is so full of love to bursting point. If it was broken then it wouldn’t be able to hold all the love. That’s just me and it might sound silly but it helps get me through.
Hello Kate I do so agree with what you say about a broken heart. I love my Ron more than ever now even though I loved him for well over 50 years, They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and Oh boy does it. You sound a very lovely lady Kate just like Mary. Love and hugs to you xxx Carol xxxx
Dear Kate and Carol,
Thank you for the lovely things, both of you have said, they are much appreciated. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, although my dear Stan was 84 years old and we had been married for 59 years, he has left such a large gap in my heart and in my life I shall never come to terms with losing him. He was a kind and gentle soul, a man who once took the air vent from our caravan wall to save a moth and was very sad when we caught mummy and daddy mice and left orphaned baby mice.
Kate, when my brother died (he was 8 years younger than me), I was heartbroken, 6 months later my friend died, she was such a tonic and so kind, then when Stan died, I could not believe that life could be so cruel, I am so sorry that you have been through exactly the same. My sister hasn’t spoken to me for well over 4 years (long story), she is 11 years younger than me. My mum always blamed Hitler for such a big gap in all of us because my dad was a soldier in WW2, we did not see him for 4 years.
I hope that both of you have better days tomorrow,
Lots of love,
Mary x x x
Girls, reading all your messages several things are obvious:
we are all surviving - good and bad days
The longer times goes on the I think I cope better and at the same time I feel sadder because I know that is the way my life will be
we all don’t understand why things happen and we are very different people we used to be . I met a friend yesterday that said she doesn’t know who she is anymore!! Well I certainly don’t know who I am anymore !
What I find hardest is there is anything I can do to bring my Jack back - I can remember greater moments, I can regret I wasn’t more patient and loving at times , I can feel his presence - and feeling his presence gives me hope
I feel that Jack has been around many times - opportunities show up : a house came up for sale just across my daughter’s house, my son inviting me to go away on holiday etc and now a couple friends asked me to go to Scotland - I really feel it is Jack making sure I am ok and he knows I need company
Sorry girls - I am rambling a bit
Hope your Sunday was ok
Hi Kate. I don’t know quite what to say to you but pleased that you have acknowledged that your husband died a peaceful death if a terrible shock to you (and his family). When my father died suddenly while sat watching TV my mother, like you asked if there was something she could have done but the Doctor told her that if he had been sat on the arm of my father’s chair there was nothing he could have done, it was so quick and with no pain. This gave us all comfort because we could remember him as the fit, lovely man he was. My husband died a horrible death that ravaged his body and caused him so much pain and I can get no respite from remembering those awful times… I hope I don’t upset anyone when I say that I now wish that my husband could have closed his eyes and gone peacefully. I hung onto every second I could have with him but was I being selfish.
Hi Sadie I am certain that your husband is guiding you through life. I do exactly the same as you and have that certainty that Brian will guide me, he will show me the way. He always thought I was impulsive where he would mull over things for days sometimes weeks before making a decision. I still trust him to show me. He knew I had badly wanted to move house and after he died I was free to do just that, yet I am still here over a year later, why, I have no idea but do have that feeling that Brian is keeping me here and having a good laugh at me.
Pat, I understand you wished Brian had died quicker
My kids and I often how quickly Jack died - how awful those 4 months were so hard etc but we are very much aware that if Jack had lived any longer it would have been awful for him