Had a really bad night lastnight crying cudnt control it its so hard being without my partner why did he have to die without even a goodbye so difficult to carry on even for the kids its so hard what do I do got the funeral coming up an im falling apart 
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Dear @Caroline1983
I am sorry you have had a bad night and hope that you eventually got some sleep. Losing a loved one leaves so many unanswered questions and not being able to say goodbye is the hardest. I have experienced this with my own father and know the pain and emptiness it leaves.
Your partner would want you to carry on for the children as he will live on through them and as the years go by you may well see his personality shine through them.
Do you have family or friends that can support you and have you spoken to your GP as to how you are feeling and for support? Under the topic in the search bar Losing a partner who can connect with members who have experienced what you are going through for support also.
Sue Ryder has bereavement information and support pages here which will be of help to you.
Please continue to reach out any time and take care.
Pepsi
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I’m having counciling an its so hard also an im on sleeping meds to get me asleep
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Bless you Caroline I feel for you I have not lost a partner like you but I have lost two adult sons over the last few months. It is very early days for you. I did not think I would cope with funerals but I think something inside us helps us through it. I wish u the best. Take comfort from friends and family and us on here. X
Thank you it means alot you messaging cant imagine wat your going threw either hope you ok thinking off you xx
Thank you Caroline x
I too take sleeping tablets to go to sleep. I torture myself about taking them. I feel I shouldn’t need them but I can’t sleep without them. If I try I get a horrible rush of adrenaline in my stomach. It’s awful that we can’t do something that is natural. I worry that it is not proper nurturing sleep and will end up ill x
THe tablets in themselves will not make you I’ll but the side effects u might feel in the morning might make u feel out of sorts. You could always ask if there is something else. You might find that you will not need them for long. I Hope you will stay well - this grieving takes up a lot energy. JX
I’m going to see him tomorrow im so terrified before he gets cremated
Don’t be afraid Caroline. I went to see my husband. It was as if he had fallen asleep. He was so ill in hospital and looked very ill but when I went to see him in the house of rest he looked peaceful. I was glad that I saw him. I held his hand and talked to him. It was emotional but it gave me peace x
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Thank you its heartbreaking 
but I can do this
You can do this. He is the person you love and it will be upsetting. His soul will have left his body and he will be at peace but it gave me peace seeing him at rest after being so ill. It was the last thing I could do for him. He was cremated and I cannot part with him. I have a picture with his urn and talk to him every night x. Take care
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I have to do this for his 1 year old daughter thank you for spking to me we all bin threw this an its unbearable the pain but he will always be with us
Yes you are so right I went to see my boys and yes they looked peaceful and as they were. We put in some letters and cards and some flowers in their hands. In fact it helped me to go I think it will u too.x
Dear @Caroline1983
Having seen your post I just want to say I went to see my dad before the funeral. Don’t be terrified. My dad looked so peaceful and just like he was sleeping. I held his hand and spoke to him and stroked his beautiful hair. Nothing to be afraid of. Don’t rush your time with him.
Will be thinking of you. Take care.
Pepsi x
Thank you so much 
Went to see him today just seeing him there was really hard I cried an told him how much I loved him im breaking badly
Sending you my love today.It is a hard thing to do and a heartbreaking. Xxx to u
Thank you x
Sending my love. Know we are all thinking about you x
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