Well going shopping on a Friday didn’t work. Even less sleep then normal for a Friday and the images more intense. 15 weeks and i still see it like yesterday.
Take care, Love, Hope & Strength.
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The loneliness is terrible, really affecting me at the moment. I see family and friends now and again, but it’s not the same as having someone here all the time. I’m having counselling, I feel better after going, but then back to reality.
Hi Gill, the loneliness is terrible, I’m feeling it a lot worse just now as physically I haven’t been very well for a bit. Wishing everyone strength on this site. X
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I know what you mean about loneliness. I’ve been on my own for just over 4 years now and still struggle with it. I’d never lived alone before, having left home the day I got married and then we were together for 47 years before I lost the love of my life. I think we somehow become a bit numb to the reality then suddenly out of the blue realise that they’re gone …for good…they’re not here, not coming back and thats when the reality really kicks in, we’re on our own now. I try to busy myself with stuff though my hearts not in it, but have to fill my days with something. I hope you too can find a way thru it…what else can we do? Take care
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I am very disappointed that the counselling I have had has not changed a thing. I don’t feel any better. I still have nothing to mark John’s death. No markers of any kind. Grave stone or memorial or even personal items. Like bracelets or rings. All because I can’t believe he’s gone although I,ve lived alone for over 7 months now. The counselling has stopped now. Just a question the house is very silent…has anyone found if it’s beneficial to put music on we used to listen to. Thanks. When will I be able to stop crying. Xxx
Yewtree, I have BBC Radio 4 on all the time in the kitchen, it is mostly talking, I find that for me it makes the house seem less empty with talking in the background.
Thank you . I 'll. give it a try as the lack of any noise doesn’t help. Cheers xxxx
While I’m looking for help ….does anyone recommend moving house. I live alone in a 3bed semi with garage and conservatory. I’m nearly 80 and only 5
Sorry. 5 feet tall. So all the heavy work is left for my son to do.the problem is we’ve lived here for 48 yrs. and John’s presence is everywhere with his collections and items he’s made for the garden. Am I being unfair to my son by not moving to a small house or bungalow so he will have less maintenance to do…? I am still unable to make definite decisions on anything. Xxx
Hi Yewtree,
I have started to listen to music more. I find it bitter/sweet like pictures, sometimes it makes me smile jogs good memories then it can make me cry.
I know a lot of people can’t listen to music, but we both liked the same stuff mostly.
Hi Yewtree, moving house is a huge decision and I think too soon for you to be making changes on that scale . I’m sure your son would not want you to make a wrong move at this point . Just give it more time , all the advice i have had is not to make any major decisions for a least a year and then only if you can think straight .
I started looking at new houses after about a month, this place simply feel right any longer, for obvious reasons. I found somewhere that, under different circumstances, would have been idea. When I found myself hoping that someone else would put in an offer ahead of me I realised that it was far too soon.
Your own gut reaction is the only answer you need Yewtree - if you’re having doubts then you’re not ready.
As JanetteR1 says, possibly give it a year before making any such major decisions.
Thank you JanetteR1 andPSHm3. I’m not ignoring your advice just couldn’t reply earlier some problem with password and signing in. Thank you for replying. The people around here have nearly all changed over the years. I’m not sure I want to move as John is evident everywhere even to the big monkey puzzle he planted and the other garage he needed when he bought another car. I don,t drive so the garages are filled with John’s tools etc. The garden is quite big and I’ve lost my interest in it. At the moment I have no momentum to even do the housework that’s why I thought a smaller house may be better. Thanks. Xxx
Hi Yew Tree, I see your predicament. On one hand the house is probably too big for you now but on the other hand its a house full of wonderful memories of your years together there. I’m in the same spot, in a big house but live alone now. One or two neighbours have asked if I mite be thinking of moving but really just cant …there;s too much to leave behind. Maybe as time goes on I mite think differently but for now I’m not making any decisions that I mite regret
@Yewtree
I’m also wondering whether to move but to be honest was thinking that before John passed away 10 weeks ago.
We didn’t live together but it was running along the lines that we would and so we both would’ve sold and bought between us as a fresh start so it isn’t a new thought for me.
I don’t know that I would if we had lived many years in a house though.
I am having mine valued tomorrow as I have no idea of it’s worth and have lived here since 1989 so till be interesting to find out.
Id love a bungalow as it could be easier just on one level as I head up to 80…!!!
I’m feeling a little chewed as i keep getting locked out of here
It is a bit windy so we may get some rain. I still can’t get up in morning 11.45 today but there’s nothing that can’t be done later so i just lay there for a couple of hours. The bus now runs one an hour as most of the roadworks are finished so i can at least get out now… i don t know how i feel about just going to a bereavement group on my own . They.won’t know me at all and might not welcome me
Thinking of trying though. Xxxx
Yewtree, I’m sure whoever runs the group will make you feel very welcome. The first one I went to I couldn’t speak, I felt as though just speaking her name would choke me. I spent the time just sobbing. It was almost too overwhelming to meet such support and understanding, if that makes sense. After one or two sessions I found it more helpful. Why not give it a try. You don’t have to go back if it’s not for you.
Hi Yewtree,
I go by bus to a bereavement coffee morning run by are local hospice. The first couple of times, i felt like a fish out of water. As being the new boy, then last time i opened up why i was there. So we will see what it is like next time. I think it does me good as it gets me out of the house and talking to people. I know it’s not for everyone, and everyone’s path is different.
Yewtree, On my first visit to our Bereavement Cafe, I told the organizer that I might just get up and walk out if it became to much. He said that’s ok, and if you feel like coming back in after 10 minutes just do it. We are sat on round tables and they like us to sit with different people at the next meeting. I was made welcome. So Good Luck and I hope it goes well for you.
I am trying a social group on Thurs
I don’t think this one is a bereavement group more games and.bingo
So i don’t know what it will be like. I’m looking for somewhere to go to meet people as i’m sick of being ony own don’t know if it’s the answer though. Xxx