Good morning, i hope you all have a better day then yesterday. Take care
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Hi, i was just wondering how Dan5 & Patsy219 and everyone else was doing ?
Week 14, for me over 3 months and I’m stuck in a rut. I can’t seem to do anything productive around the house offer then the basics. I have done some walks but they seem hard work without Sue. I have one more counselling session left in a couple of weeks. I will miss them its seems to be the only time i speak to anyone.
My memories of Sue can now make me smile apart from the end which still comes up. Still no vists since Sue’s funeral and i have to ring people. I still love Sue and like everyone else i miss her.
Take care,and please look after yourself.
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@Nightwish1
Morning…It’s a lovely but cold one here in Littleborough…
I’m going into week 9 and literally making myself to do basic housework…I used to be house proud but now I’m not bothered.
Going a walk and I’m absolutely shattered as not eating properly yet and to be honest not quite the same either on my own or with a friend so I know what you mean.
I think realisation kicked in and I’m feeling rather low n could quite easily stay in bed. A book called Grief and Grieving that I’m reading says to do what you feel like doing at first and gradually motivate ourselves more n more…
At first I was looking to do anything to take the void away but now I know that’s not possible and to take it as it comes.
Hopefully I’ll smile at memories soon alongside a few tears instead of floods of them.
I hope someone visits or calls or texts you today because it does help to know there’s people out there who care.x
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Hi, it really is a hard situation to cope with. Its now almost 4 and half years since losing Val and I still miss her every waking moment of the day. We were just so close and together for 50 years . Simple day to day things seem such hard work now and I look around the place and just think…why bother, We were away on wonderful holidays at least 4 times a year but I’ve barely been further than the shops since being on my own. At first I’d go shopping in a different area simply to avoid meeting people who knew Val and have to go through stuff , what happened, memories of this and that. I just couldn;t cope with it all. It was actually Val’s birthday yesterday and I nipped to the crematorium, as I often do anyway and had a bit of time with my thoughts. Had an early nite just to try and be “out of it”…we;d usually have been away, my birthday was just over a week ago, so we always made it a double celebration. Sometimes think that I’ll get away just to the coast for a day or two, but then know how heartbreaking it would be without Val and change my mind. I’m sure she’d want me to be happy and have a good life now but its easier said than done. Hopefully as time goes on things may become easier to handle for all of us on this dreadful lonely journey. Please look after yourself, brighter days are coming
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Hi Nightwish, I haven’t been posting for a bit ( been a bit low with a nasty throat infection) don’t know how I got it as, like you I rarely see anyone. I find not feeling well heightens the grief, sadness and loneliness . I’m also stuck in a rut, I think it’s like this for most of us. I keep telling myself when I’m fully better I’ll do this that and everything, we’ll see. I hope you have a good meeting with your counsellor, maybe you can have another couple of sessions if you ask. It’s good we can come on here and support each other. If only we could cope better when we wake up that would help a bit with how we manage our day. Sending you hugs. X
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Hi Nightwish, i eeally do not find it any better whatsoever. I find the days enfmdless and grief consumes me for most of them. This bh weekend has been never ending and im always lonely. Loneliness at 55, i would never gave thought that my life would pan out like this, i miss her endlessly and sometimes scream with madness. The crying is non stop, it just seems more intensified than ever. I hate this life, its awful and often wish I could just die to end the misery. I have 2 boys but they are consumed in living their lives. Hopeful that it gets better, not holding my breath tho
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Hi Dan, i know I’m 57 and to be honest i just want to hold Sue again and never let go. I think it hits harder when its a BH as we would be doing stuff together. I’ve just had a big crying moment and asked where is she. I cry everyday. How is the church going ? I’d hoped you had found some peace. I know nothing will replace are loved one’s. This new life is crap.
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Hi, i go to soul church and a spiritual church. They both orovide things in a different way but ultimately it ends off with tears. BH are terrible arnt they, we used to look fwd to them too, bloody nuisance as they seem to last forever. Crying and sorrow is my new relation, i cant stop and the ache is painful. I just hate this life, i try so hard to get on but apart from sleep I achieve nothing will i get used to this life, i honestly hope I dont have to. Start again? Never! Lets jyst get it iver with us .y only goal tbh, not that im going to do anythi g but think an early end is better than the existence im leading. You see, i dont enjoy anything anymore!! Walk on !!
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I’ve found some online mediation videos have helped me with the stomach churning. I keep having the worst panic attacks. I find a soothing voice prompting me to keep breathing to control the panic really helps me to calm down.
Hi Molly83 I can relate to your issues with stomach churning and panic attacks and its all connected with stress, anxiety , and depression brought on by the loss of a loved one. I;ve had panic attacks and my goodness they are so frightening aren’t they. When I was caring for my wife during her cancer battle which was right bang in the middle of the covid episode I was completely isolated with everything to do as well as caring for Val and one night it all became too much. I was struggling for breath and shaking uncontrollably and I ended up calling 111 who sent an ambulance and took me to hospital leaving Val all alone…i’ve also had the churning issues too along with acid reflux…all related to stress and grieving . Being alone now is my biggest worry as until I lost Val I had never lived alone and every problem, even small things. just seem so magnified . I really hope you get on top of the breathing if you get any more attacks, slow and steady is the way, even though we know they are harmless its still so frightening. Please take care, we’ll get there
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I’m struggling with panic attacks. They shake you up and it’s difficult to convince yourself that they’re not harmful. I did an online search for meditation for grief and found one or two useful ones. They calm me down. You might try it. Take care.
We’re here for you. I don’t know how good wishes from strangers can make us feel better, I only know they do.
Hi, Dan.
I know how you feel, but i don’t know if it’s the love from are soul mates we keep going. I hope we get to meet them again, we have to try and remember that we had such beauty in are lives. I know it’s very grey at the moment.
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Hi, im guessing time will pass and some of the hurt will be removed
Hi George
I share your feelings about being alone. I hate it. Roger and were inseparable for 40 years and he passed away September 2024. Life can never be the same.
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Hi Kate, you’re so right, being on your own is just so alien to me. There’s just no substitute for the one we loved for so long, and still do. Take care
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You too George.
Trying something different today. Going food shopping. Normally im really bad on a Friday, just trying to break the cycle. What’s the bet i start crying in the supermarket. I know i need food,it’s just hard buying it as i just think whats the point. Then when i am sat down with my meal for one sets me off again.
I hope you have a better day then yesterday. & love, hope and strength.
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Yep, i cried in M&S, it was busy with couples. Then i remembered i had to buy a birthday card and a wedding anniversary card. That hit me hard. Got some funny looks a big 57 year old bloke crying in m&s, but i didn’t care.
It’s 15 weeks tonight and like everyone else i miss my soul mate, my everything 
.
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I know the feeling, its and endless cycle. Hoping that the gear changes soon to make the ride easier!
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