I’ve taken a little break from this site because I sometimes found other people’s distress hard to bear. I’m 8 weeks in from losing my lovely wife and I find that realisation she’s gone when I wake up very difficult to take. The tightness in my chest and back is there every morning. I have to get up to look after my dogs so I immediately have a shower, get ready, sort the dogs, feed the birds and have a coffee. By the time I have done that I sometimes feel a bit better. All I can suggest is try to get a small routine going as soon as you wake up and try not to think too much. I know what you’re going through and I’m desperately sorry for you.
7 Likes
Hi Jamie
I find mornings more difficult. It’s like a switch flips my anxiety on and that remains with me. It s six months now and I still feel totally lost and looking for my husband to come back - even though I know he can’t.
I try to put activities into my days but don’t always manage to achieve much.
3 Likes
3 months tomorrow and all I know is that if I’m ever stupid enough to think I’m coping, something immediately slaps me back down.
Today it’s opening the curtains to see Spring sunshine and newborn lambs in the field. Jill would have loved it; I barely avoid being sick.
8 Likes
I struggled this morning with grief and depression. I couldnt get out of bed. My kids are in their rooms on their phones all day. We’ve hardly interacted with each other all day. It doesnt feel normal family. I feel so depressed.
6 Likes
Hi,. The loss of a loved one in a family unit is the same for me. The family is incomplete without my wife, my 2 kids stay on their rooms on their phones. This feeling of insecurity im guessing is normal, somehow we just have to hang on. I wish you well x
3 Likes
Thank you , you too x
3 Likes
Even now im sitting here, im tired, nervous, lost and nothing can fix it aoart from her. No appetite for anything. Panic attack are common along with nausea. Is love worth the misery? Can see no light at all, maybe 1 hour a day i feel ok ish, its killing me
4 Likes
Hang on in there Dan5, in time that 1 hour can become 2 and so on. I’ve been where you are, it feels like you’re holding on by a thread, I know but it’s such early days and things can get better but it takes time. Be kind to yourself and trust that even though you might not be able to see it now, there is a way that you can learn to live with this pain.
6 Likes
I know but im just tired of it all. Its absolute torture
3 Likes
@Dan5
Love is worth the pain.
If you could do this all over again, meeting your darling and then the heartbreak of losing her would you.?
I know I would with John
Also can you maybe try to think that if anyone had to go first that it was your darling so that she didn’t have the pain n hurt and agony you’re going through now.
I know I would for John.
It’s absolutely horrendous and we are struggling through a thick blanket of fog and hopefully that fog will lift one day. Never to be forgotten but to be remembered with happiness
I’m nearly 4 weeks in and totally gutted and crying most of the time but my John would really not want me to be so I have to try for him…
5 Likes
It is, there’s no two ways about it, it’s absolute hell and it’s completely exhausting isn’t it? For the first couple of months, my brain just seemed to be whizzing non-stop, trying to make sense of it all, it was utterly draining. You get whatever sleep you can, usually not a lot, then you have to do it all over again, it seems like there’s no let up. Five months on and I still have times when I hit the depths of despair but they aren’t as frequent and the times when I can take a little bit of enjoyment in something are slowly increasing. That’s not to say the pain isn’t there, it is, and I suspect it always will be when you lose your soulmate but you do learn to live with it and carry it a little bit easier so don’t lose hope.
5 Likes
Yes, id do it again. Im just all mixed up, thank you x
Definitely right about the exhaustion and pain and the hell. Thank you, i get lije this at least twicw a day and panick. Thank you
3 Likes
Of course you are. You’re hurting terribly.
It’s the worst time of your life but we can only hope it gets better. All on here understand each other.
It will improve, I’m sure, it’s just time and trying to make new memories without our loved ones.
Reconnecting with people so we have a different dynamic n purpose n conversation. We will shut the door and cry but those tears will eventually get less……Hopefully…
4 Likes
I suffer with this horrible sickness. I have a day feeling terribly sick and carnt get motivated all day. My family do their best, but all have families of their own and work. I wake between 5 and 6 on a morning, but I carnt face getting up till about 9. I just lay here thinking all sorts and worrying over things, I know I don’t need to but carnt help it. It’s awful being on your own all the time.
3 Likes
@Gill65
I know how you feel. If I don’t sleep well like last night I am a wreck in the morning n everything floods back n I cry.
Today I can feel it welling up all the time even though I’ve walked my son’s dog and I’m absolutely breathless doing that. No appetite
I then picked up one of my granddaughters n saw two of the others at school and had a quick hug but nothing makes up for Johns hugs.
A very old friend from way back has texted to see if I want to go for a meal on Thursday but don’t think I can even though he’s just being kind. There is absolutely no ulterior motive with him but I don’t think I can sit opposite n try n talk let alone eat without tears. Should I make myself go.?
It’s a bad day but I had two days before that were ok.
3 Likes
IV been having days lately, welling up, just comes upon you. I get breathless easily. I went for a walk by myself the other day. It’s taken me some time to do it. My daughter asked if I wanted to go for a meal on mother’s with all the family, but I couldn’t go. Carnt face sitting in a restaurant full of people yet. I went to a cafe then other day with a friend, that was making me feel a bit anxious, but IV done it now, hopefully feel better next time.
Don’t go if you can’t face it yet, I’m sure he’d understand. it’s just small steps you have to take.
I suffer with churning stomach, worrying about anything and everything, it’s awful. I say to myself, what are you worrying about.
I never thought grief would be so bad.
My bad days are alternate. I hate going to bed, thinking what am I going to be like the next day.
6 Likes
I suffer with nervousness, stomach churns alot. Get one day not good, feeling sick, I do make myself eat something though even though I don’t fancy anything, even if it’s some soup or toast. I make myself get dressed and up. Usually lie around all day, till tea time, then,I am now starting to feel a bit better.
Then I get a reasonable day, and try to go out wether it’s to see my children or friend, or go to the shops, just so I’m getting out of the house.
4 Likes
The symptoms you describe are very relevant to myself. Nausea, nervousness and the feeling of wanting to run away. Im thinking these feel7ngs I have is caused by the trauma and the experience of watching a loved one oass oe in my case-my wife. How can we be normal again? I think you got it right and practice is the only answer. We will fall off i reckon but i think its about trying the best you can after. Some days it aint going to happen, i know that . The days whennim a little stronger is when I will try. This journey of grief aint no walk in the park, more like a walk in hell. It needs to be completed at the earliest and being brave is the only way, i bekieve. Take care x
4 Likes
@Gill65
It’s strange…some days we cope and others absolutely not.
Today been an awful day but nothing like Saturday was. Today a tidal wave but Saturday was a tsunami.
Trying to keep myself together for my family and helping out when I want with childcare but feel so lethargic, breathless, no appetite, sickly n thinking of things to do to keep my mind off the heartbreak.
I’ve volunteered for local hospice shop but I think I’ve probably rushed into it but that’s me, I need to do things.
Sorry for going on and making people more miserable on here.
4 Likes