@Yewtree
You don’t have to move if you don’t want to. It’s a huge undertaking and more so as we get older. If you are moving nearer to your children then that a bit different I suppose.
I’m 71 and John n I were thinking of moving in together by selling mine n his house so I had already started thinking of it.
John has gone now and obviously I don’t have anywhere near the memories you have in your family home but I still have a feeling of wanting to move but I will leave it a while. The upheaval might not be worth it.
My boys and grandkids are all within five minutes so no real need.
I think at a certain age we just realise that we might not have that long left and just how are we going to cope as we get older in a big house just for one…We don’t want to be dependant on our families so it’s all confusing thoughts…
Ideally I’d like a bungalow but they are very few n far between where I live…
Hi fortunately one of my boys lives in the same town as me but not very close other side of town .the other son lives over 200 miles away. I have no family close . The idea of moving from John’s house is it has so much of him around the place. His cars are still in the garage they are safe there. We brought him home from the hospital when they said there was no hope because we knew that was what he would want. He died here so i don’t think i want to leave. Xxx
I say that its just a lonely existence now, after my husband died.
Try volunteering that is what i have done after my wife died.
Thats exactly the way I see it now. I’m not living. I’m existing…a big difference. Its so lonely being on my own, I look around and see things that need doing which could help fill my days a bit but I simply can’t be bothered anymore
Sorry you’re feeling so low. Leave the jobs till another day. Don’t beat yourself up over a bit of dust or a door that needs fixing. You’ll do it when the time is right. Now you’re coping and right now it’s getting through each day. But don’t sit looking at the jobs that need doing, get out of the house. A walk, or just having a meal you haven’t had to cook, or maybe a coffee where there are people around you will help you get through today. Good luck.
Thanks, you’re right…whats the point worrying about a bit of dust here n there. Decided to treat myself to a coffee yesterday at a local tea room. Would have been nice but the people there said they had no spare table for one, unless I wanted to sit outside. Had a look…no one else there! I just wanted a bit of human contact, not even to sit and chat with strangers, just to be around other people. I declined the offer and went back home. I can sit outside by myself at home. Guess I felt sorry for myself, but it makes you feel like that doesn’t it
@george73 I understand you. Sometimes its not about being with people- it’s about knowing there are other people out there. I have spent most of today sitting in a wetherspoons alone but people watching. It has brought me comfort without the pressure of communicating…
Still not sure that I can commit to volunteering work at the moment…
I’m far too up and down at the moment and don’t want to let anybody down.
I notice you’re Colchester-based. I used to teach in Tiptree and lived in Colchester for 3 years. I’ve only just come back North from visiting old friends there . Every time I visit I’m amazed at how much things have changed.
Exactly. I find I need company but then it’s exhausting making the effort to talk, or even listen, but knowing there are people there at least gives me a choice.
Its important to do what you’re comfortable with. Think we maybe need to put just a little bit of pressure on ourselves without overdoing it. Some days I have every intention of going out somewhere, even just a local walk round, but as the day goes on I manage to talk myself out of it, until I convince myself that “its too late today, I’ll do something tomorrow”. But then tomorrow comes along and I do the same again. Such a hard cycle to break
I know what you mean, Recently it’s been too hot to walk far, and today it’s too wet! I really do want to get back to walking though. Now that I’m feeling less sad all the time, I need to get back to walking every day.
@PSHm3
I started volunteering at a Sue Ryder shop in the next village soon after John died and I loved it but I haven’t been able to go for two weeks because I realised it was just too much too soon. I haven’t got the headspace to do it and it’s actually good to be able to admit that.
They have been supportive and understanding telling me to go back when I feel I can.
We can only do what we can do. It’s a very tough time…
Lets not put pressure on ourselves. Sometimes its enough just to be
Mitzi1, It’s a fine line between pushing yourself too hard, too soon and being defeated and not pushing enough. In time it will all slot into place. Don’t be hard on yourself and just let things be for a while. For now you know you can go back. It’s alright to find things moving too fast for you. Allow your feelings to tell you to slow down. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, I think you were brave to go to work there, so there’s no disgrace in saying you need to pause for now. Do what is right for you.
I have been told many times after my wifes death,Take one step and one day at a time that is all we can do.
@Molly83
I did think I was coping well after just 6 weeks but it came back and bit me on the proverbial big time.
These last 4 days have been absolutely awful. I’ve always been impatient to be getting on never realising how grief hits even though at 71 I have lost family etc but losing John and after only being together for two years has absolutely floored me.
Now I will try n listen to what my body n mind is telling me
Good for you. Your body is telling you to slow down, this isn’t a race. Allow the healing to take its own time. You’re on a journey of recovery and you will sometimes slip backwards. Your mind will heal, but in its own time. The pain will slowly ebb away like the tide, but sometimes we can be caught by a huge wave that sweeps back and knocks us over. That’s what happened to you. Your body is equipped to heal, your mind is telling it to slow down.