I am so early in grief as i lost my amazing husband 2 weeks ago it was very sudden with no warning he had a cardiac arrest whilst driving, i am 55 and we were married for 34yrs we met when i was only 19yrs so have never known life without him he was my best friend and soulmate how do you get through an hour let alone a day i an totally heartbroken and feel so alone
@Boop so sorry for your loss. It really is very early days for you on this journey. It’s nearly 14 weeks since I lost my husband to cancer. We were married nearly 35 years and together a couple of years before that (I’m 56) so like you most of my adult life. To answer your question I keep busy. I make lists in my phone of what I going to try to do for the next few days and I tick them off. Everything from household chores, shopping, diy, meeting up with people etc. I find if I’m busy I can just about cope until the evenings and the loneliness sets in. I also use this forum a lot, sometimes contributing, sometimes just reading. There is lots of support on here. Take care. Sending hugs.
2 weeks in is a very raw stage and I’m afraid you just have to walk through it. Small steps, literally hour by hour. It seems a never ending circle of grief at the beginning and such a shock. The loss of your partner and the future planned is a lot.
It does get easier, days do get better. I’m 23 weeks tomorrow. Never thought I would say that days can be good and you will laugh and have better days. There are still days of so much grief but it’s not all consuming like the early days.
Keep talking on here, we understand.
Thank you for your advice and support i will certainly try that i will try anything just to focus on something else if only for a few minutes, i am so thankful to you for replying as i dont think anyone who hasnt gone through the same can understand quite how it feels i send a million hugs tp you for your loss also and will keep trying to do as you suggest to try and get through the day x
I lost my beautiful wife just over two weeks ago and like you I just haven’t a clue how to get through one hour never mind a day. Tonight I tried watching some t.v. and looked across the room to the sofa my wife loved to lay on but she wasn’t there and the tears just came. When this happens I just grab my keys and rush outside and walk,just sheer panic and absolute grief. The silence and feeling lonely,watching the clock almost every hour and the days passing that mean nothing anymore.
I keep hearing people say it will get better with time and I just pray to God they are right,I can’t see the rest of my life like this.
I would love to say something to you that might help but I don’t know what it is,I just know your grief and pain and I really do hope it becomes less at some point for both of us,all of us.
I lost my husband 10 weeks ago. I am 57. We weren’t together as long as you. But he was my soul mate. I can empathise with how you feel. Can I recommend a book I read. Sasha Bates Language of Loss. It help me realise some of the things that I was feeling. Mentality and physically. And just life in general. When I first can on here and they said it will get better. I thought, yeah right. What do they know. All I can say is what they said is right. But it doesn’t get better it becomes different. Before I couldn’t go an hour without breaking down. Now I can go maybe 8 hours without crying. The pain when it hits you is still as bad though. Not for everyone but I have attended many groups. Ones just for those who have lost partners. And the Sue Rydar grief friendly room at my doctors. I had to go back to work because I was only on statutory sick pay and losing £250 a week. But I booked a day off to go to the group Thursday because I needed too. They also say be kind to yourself. But, I still don’t know what that means and can’t just sit and take time for myself. Sending you all the love
Can’t believe how many people have said to me “be kind to yourself” over these past few months since my loss.
But you have to really think about it. I’m a little different situation, but lost my mum nearly eight weeks ago. Was devastated.
I still cry most days. Today has been a pretty bad day. Think it’s hormonal!
But I try to stop myself from overcrying if I possibly can. I keep busy, even if I don’t feel like it. No one else is going to help us. We have to do it ‘for us’ (that’s how I look at it). When I ask myself “Do I want myself to feel this bad?” (NO, I certainly don’t). I am in control and I’m going to do whatever I can to push forward and attempt to be happy.
“Be kind” (i.e. don’t beat yourself up about it). You need to take care of yourself now. You don’t want to become ill through this. That’s how I look at it. We’re still here and they would want us to keep going strong. They wouldn’t wish us to be feeling sad. But I know how difficult that is. We just keep moving forward a tiny bit at a time. xx
@miker it’s very early days for you too. Like I said to @Boop the thing that has helped me is keeping busy. Making an effort to fill my time & distract me from the grief. It’s always there but more manageable if I’m preoccupied with something. At your stage of the journey I was in constant despair, couldn’t bear to be on my own and cried all the time. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I am now nearly 14 weeks in and I am coping better. I still have bad days or parts of days but not so many meltdowns or total despair as in the early days and weeks. I never thought I’d be able to get this far but I have. Hopefully you will do. Take care.
I try to think of something each day that I would really enjoy to eat (to treat myself). I have had a good appetite through this. Just giving ourself food comfort we all need I feel helps me. xx
Thank you for your reply,I’m so pleased that you are finding ways to cope and deal with your loss even though the pain never actually goes away.
Since my wife died I have found it so difficult to be in our lovely home,I get up in a morning after a restless few hours,shower and shave and then go out and walk until my feet hurt. I then park up in our favourite spot and spend hours either sitting in the car or sitting looking out to sea crying like a child,when it gets busy I come home and go into the garage and sort things out to get rid of,then I go back and park up somewhere else and/or walk again. I repeat this every day and describe it to myself as temporary insanity because that’s how it feels.
You clearly know how it feels to lose not just a partner but almost a part of yourself,my life will never be the same again because half of me has been taken away.
I think you are amazing,14 weeks in seems like forever.
Take care and best wishes for your journey.
@miker thank you for your kind reply. I feel so sorry for your loss and how much you are struggling. I can relate to not being able to be at home. At first I didn’t like being in the living room as that was where my husband spent the last week of his life very ill. I couldn’t look at photos or videos as was just too painful. But please know that these things do improve with time. I still find it difficult but definitely improved. I still can’t watch TV programmes we enjoyed together. It’s true when they say grief is a journey, a very painful one. Always here if you need to chat. Take care.
@Boop so sorry to hear of your loss. My story is similar. My husband and i met when we were teenagers , married young. I dont remember life without him. He too had a cardiac arrest and we had to make the decision to turn off the machines because of the brain damage. We were about to retire. All those plans gone. Its been 3 months for me. I do feel differently since those early days. I have had moments of enjoyment but every day seems so long. I too try to plan something in for each day. But my heart hurts and i feel so sad and lost. I try not to think about the future as it scares me. My thoughts are with you.
Thank you all for your kind supportive heartfelt words, i like you am just trying to get through each hour, i have filled my days so full with people but still feel so heartbroken and alone every minute, my grief is overwhelming and the reality of never holding hands, having a cuddle, phoning for no reason or just watching the tv has hit hard, your support and advice is immense as each of us is going through the same feelings and emotions i dont know if talking or not talking helps the days and nights are long but big hugs tp everyone and thank you xx
So sorry Boop devastating for you. There is no magic wand im afraid just be good to you and accept you will be feeling very low and sad at this time of course. sending love and hugs.
Sorry for your loss boob
I lost my husband just 8 days ago and I am utterly lost. He was ill for some time so it wasn’t unexpected but his rapid decline was awful to watch. I have family with me right now but they (quite rightly) have to go back to their own lives soon. My husband and I moved to the other side of the country to be able to afford a property by the sea and now he’s gone, I have no one around. I’m dreading the loneliness. I intend to move back but that will take time. I can’t get through an hour let alone a day without crying. Reading other peoples’ experiences is helping, almost a comfort but it is just so raw right now. Still full of disbelief .
I lost my partner almost a year ago. I found him, he was only 43. At the beginning the grief is unbearable - even now I think about him every day. The pain doesn’t go away but you will eventually be able to think about him without crying. Hugs to you
There are no words to ease the pain so soon after losing our loved ones but each and every one of us is going through the same grief and heartache so all we can do is help each other. I lost my husband very suddenly 2 weeks ago and i am living hour by hour, each day feels like a week but we are here to support each other so dont feel alone i am trying to do some of the things suggested to at least try to focus on parts of the day before the raw all consuming grief takes over again which has helped me and maybe focusing on plans to move back will help you at least in part to get through your day big big hugs xx
Thank you so much for your replies. I thought no one else could possibly know how I feel right now and I’m so glad I stumbled upon this website.
Boop I lost my husband three years ago, we’d been together almost fifty years since I was seventeen and I thought my heart would break. I lost not only my husband but my best friend. I know where your at right now and the only thing I can say to you is that only time will help. Talk to him just like you use to, it may help. I’m sending you love and best wishes, hang in there and believe that things will get easier,