How to ger through a day

Why does each day seem longer and harder than the one before I feel so numb and like the very light within myself has gone out, my hubby was my strength gently supporting me so i could be me and i thought i was the strong one but realise i was only that because he helped me to be that way i cant bear the thought of never seeing him again i simply dont know how to get through a day my heart is so shattered and broken xx

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I feel so sorry for those who have not even had the funeral yet. I have had at most 2 reasonable days since. The first 2 weeks were busy so although I cried a lot it wasn’t all the time. Due to potential finance constraints I had to sell his car as soon as we had the terminal diagnosis. He was dead 3 days later. I feel for you and am with you in your grief

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Thank you frankie2 it gives me some hope where there seems to be none.

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This is our new normal, the pain does get less as time goes along and you will see the beauty of life once again. I still miss my son so much, we lost him ten years ago but we learn to live with loss. Losing my husband was a bitter blow but you will come to terms with it and you’ll learn to smile again. You’ll see that your stronger than you thought.

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Thank you @Frankie2 for giving me hope that these dark and unbearable days will get better.
My husband passed away 26 weeks today and I am in despair, I feel as though I am going backwards and the huge hole in my life is getting bigger.
I am trying to make a new meaningful life as he would have wished, but it’s very hard.
xx

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Also feel as I’m going backwards it’s 5 months for me and can honestly say it’s harder for me waking up every day without my husband, I’m blessed with two wonderful sons and daughter in laws and 4 grandchildren who I love dearly, feel guilty that I’m here to see the adults they become and my husband is not he was such a big part of their lives :broken_heart:

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Sending love and strength to Rugby, Rome18 and Pudding with the promise that things will get better. I didn’t know how I’d get through each day, couldn’t go out without fighting back the tears and it was impossible for me to even speak about them without the flood gates opening but one day you’ll wake and things will feel a little better and you’ll get through the day without tears. Just one day without tears and you’ll know things can and will get better. This is the one thing I can promise, but it takes time lots of time.

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Hi.

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly after an accident at home. It has been six weeks and I’m at the stage where I know I have to press on, but it is very hard.

Everyone has drifted back to their lives, but I’ve not even started to process that he’s gone.

I agree that taking small steps can help. Try just one or two things a day and only do something as and when you think you can. I am still overwhelmed with tiredness from not sleeping properly and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things you have to do, let alone trying to get back to work (I’m self employed)

Try to look after yourself xxxx

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Stay strong, as strong as you can and you’ll get there.

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I was having a really bad day. A friend texted me to ask how I was . I said bad so she picked me up in her car and took me out. We only went to get wool and some bread from a really good bakery. She just talked to me about what was going on with her family and a scary experience with her dog and a train but I felt so much better. Then some flowers arrived from my bank. I had rung them about a scam call and having heard my account was in the process of being changed from joint due to bereavement the young man said the bank would send me flowers. They are beautiful. I got a text from my annuity provider saying they were refunding me an overpayment I made when I had to return payment to them having cancelling my annuity application. In expected this to take months. My rise and recline chair has been making funny noises and the man came up from the local shop to oil it. No longer making funny noises. What started as a really dreadful day turned out survivable thanks to the generosity of others. Hairdresser and occupational therapist coming tomorrow and friend on Thursday so may survive without too many tissues until Friday.

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On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.

And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets into you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green
and azure blue,
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.
Today I feel a little down so I’ll take deep breaths and try to start the day again.

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Frankie2 that is beautiful. My brother writes poetry. He read one at my husbands funeral and has another he has written for his wife’s. She has terminal ovarian cancer .

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My sincere condolences. My husband died 6 days ago after 10 terrible weeks in hospital. I find it hard to look at a picture of us enjoying an event in April and then to remember how he looked the last time I would ever see him. I don’t have any answers but I sympathise.

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Nina58, my husband died 10 days ago after a long stay in hospital. I watched him die an undignified, slow and horrible death. I keep replaying that last day in my head over and over again. I have been going through his paperwork to access his pension and it’s brought a fresh level of grief trying to put together all the documents they need. Why isn’t this process easier and more sympathetic? It could take months to process and the banks and insurance companies don’t seem to care. Just had a very chirpy young girl telling me to have a nice day minutes after telling her my husband just died.
It’s going to be a bad day today.

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Sorry, Nina58, I intended to reply to the forum not to you personally. I hope I haven’t been insensitive xxxx

My condolences EzzieS. I don’t really think people can understand unless they’ve been in the situation. I realise I might not have been as sensitive in the past as I might have been or known what to say.

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My son also writes poetry. I find solace in poetry and read some every day.
My husband had esophageal cancer and underwent a fourteen hour operation at St. Mary’s hospital. After that operation he was never the same and had a severely restricted diet. He was so ill for the last year of his life and I had no help until the day before he died. Terrible times that will stay with me for ever. I do sympathise with all you lovely people still in the early days of grief. Don’t force your self to do anything, take your time and time will help you cope.

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Here’s the poem my brother wrote for my husband
If sometime in your thoughts you seek for me
Look where the golden sunlight breaks the dawn
Or the summer breeze now wandering free
Runs lazy fingers through the ripened corn

Remember a rainbow in a brooding sky
Or gaze upon the blossoms early bloom
Or watch the lone star standing brave and high
Or the glow of embers in a darkened room

Then speak to me as to the vacant air
And somewhere in your heart I shall reply
For all my thoughts were ever for your care
And all my dreams the dreams that never die

And so a trace of me shall linger on
And be with you forever when I’m gone

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Beautiful xx

He is good. The one he has written for his wife who has terminal cancer is even more poignant and sad.

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