How do I get used to being alone in my flat now my partner has passed after staying together for 13 years anyone can help me with any advice please ?
Its very hard isnt it ? I am nearly 13 months into this and it has taken me months to get used to being in my house without him … still dont like it … try and go out as much as possible and also put music / t.v. in so its not too quiet xx
It’s hard journey you now face just lost my wife 7 weeks ago 25 years it hurts and it don’t stop hurting there a saying don’t run before you can walk I’m going to say little steps . You will get knocked back things will trigger sadness a being alone . Me I try to turn that around and talk to tina remember all the good funny things we have done and when my time is calling we meet up and start again. X
Ah Lauren it’s so hard isn’t it. I’m so sorry for your loss. Have some background noise is good and talking to your partner (I’ve taken to talking to his tropical fish as well!!). Sometimes I allow myself to pretend he’s just gone out. I know he’s not coming back of course but it allows my mind to relax for a little while: a short break from the struggle if you will. I have also consciously changed some things in the house. Not to erase him, there’s still plenty of things we chose together, but just so there are some things that don’t remind me. We get through this horrible time as best we can and there is no right or wrong way. Have you thought about a pet at all? I’m hoping to have a puppy when the time is right. Take care and be kind to yourself x
Can’t move nothing bathroom the same tina clothes still in cupboards . Can’t bring me self to move them .to be honest hopping this is all bad dream an tina going to walk in xx can only wish
Hello Lauren. I lost my Kev almost four months ago. It’s a long, long lonely hill we have to climb.
One step forward two steps back. The house (I just can’t call it home right now without my Kev) I have to live in is an empty shell. The way I cope is play music as loud as I can some days, scream, shout. Tv has been my sanctuary. I throw myself into documentaries, films whatever to block my emotions. It’s the only way I cope. Im now back at work and it is the best thing I did, some routine back in this life i now live. It’s hard, very hard. I/we have to ride these waves and hope at some point smile again without it being fake. I also talk to Kev all the time. You will find a way to deal with this you/we have no choice that was taken from us. Keep talking, reading on this forum it helps massively. We all feel the same. Take care Lauren you are not alone. Xxx
Talking is excellent, I do it whilst holding my favourite picture of her. I talk about all sorts of things, not just the good times, but the bad times as well. We explore the things I regret (plus the things I’m sure she regrets), and it’s amazing how the answers just come out. (normally it’s both of us who are responsible) and its easy to put these things to bed, and we forgive each other.
I talk regularly to her about how I want my new life to be, and she always agrees!
I’m pretty sure she will be saying something like " You talk to me a lot more now, than when I was alive". Probably true, but I forgive her for saying it!
The other thing I do is to develop a plan as to how I’m going to make my new life to be as I want it to be, and not just wait for it to happen (or more likely not happen, if I just sit and wait for fate to decide.)
After just about a month after the saddest day of my life, I sat outside a coffee bar in Bakewell, under a lovely wisteria. It was a red hot day, and it was the only shade. There was a lovely lady sat on her own already at the table. It turned out she had real empathy, and loved chatting. She spotted I was very unhappy and talked to me, wanting to help if she could. She soon worked out I was recently bereaved, and wanted to know what my biggest worry was. It was living alone!. She said she has been alone for 20 years and she wouldnt have it any other way! That short conversation set me on the right track. She pushed a serviette and a pencil over to me and said to make a list of what I want my future to be like. I’m still working on the list. I’m delighted to say that lady remains a firm friend.
That day was a turning point!
I lost my hubby in November 23.
On 19th July we would have been together 19 years, also my birthday.
The day after would have been our 12th wedding anniversary, I’m dreading it. I really don’t feel like I can cope.
At the moment I feel like i want to spend those days hiding from everyone. I’m going to take it one day at a time and decide on that day.
I like you don’t know how to carry on. It hit me last week, like a punch to the stomach, he was never going to be sat in his chair again. He would never make a sarcastic remark when I did something stupid. We would never laugh again at the programmes we liked.
All I can say is, take each day as it comes. Let things happen naturally x
Like someone else said I listen to music all the time probably too loudly but I have my ear pods in .I can’t stand the silence if I go out I leave the radio one so it’s not too quiet when I come back home.
Thank you for the tip. I will leave my radio on in future so when I come home it’s not quiet.
That’s what I do at bed time leaves tv on
I have both the radio and TV on all the time, even at night. Not good for the electricity bill, but it’s the only way to survive right now. A pet helps. Going out every day, just for a walk or something, also helps. My sympathies.
I will certainly try the music loud when I am in the flat and then I like to watch shows and programmes a lot of them we watched them together which might be difficult to start with but I will just try and take one day at a time and see how I get on xxx
Yeh i put music on my phone and play it on u tube until i fall asleep , either that or keep the t.v. on xx
It’s so difficult, my wife and I were together over 25 years and married for 23 years! She was my best friend, my lover my everything!
I hope you have some good friends and family around as a support network to help you through these difficult times
Watch different programmes to ones you used to watch together … i do … find it painful to watch programmes he loved xx
Yeah thankfully I have some good friends that are around just now helping me and my family too are helping me out at the moment as I am still off work since October when he passed
Yeah my partner was the same his laugh and jokes he would make when we were sitting in the living room watching tv and sometimes on our phones while watching a programme miss him so much it has only been 3 months for me and now my birthday is next week and it’s my 30th and then Valentine’s Day the next day xx
It’s so hard to even think that you will get through it. I spent his birthday on my own. I raised my coffee cup to him.
Dowhats best for you, to help you get through this hard time.
You can message me to chat if you wish
I’m the same I’ve kept all Chris’s things in the wardrobe as normal and at the very start I washed his clothes that where in the washing basket I won’t be moving or putting anything aside or away I had put a few spare things that were around the house into a vacuum pack and it’s under my bed and I have a memory box with some things in there too x