Bored or uncomfortable ?
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People who have not lost a spouse or partner do not know what to say. I am the first of 6 siblings to lose a spouse, my husband. I have one sister who constantly complains about her husband. I tell them this: “In the blink of an eye everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You may not have that chance again.”
Zig Ziglar
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These messages ring so true. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly whilst I was abroad visiting our son. His funeral was the end of October. We were together for 42 years. A friend! texted on Christmas Day hoping I was having a fantastic time with my family. I waited until new year and said Christmas was extremely challenging and sad. She responded saying she didn’t mean fantastic and she hoped when I felt better I would plan a project in memory of my husband. People want you to be better, to move on, to get there because we frighten them. The realisation that nothing is safe. We are living proof that bad things happen. Plus until it happens you have no idea. I try to tell the truth but temper it gently rather than say f…k off.
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Yes, so true. We frighten them for sure because they know it’s coming for them one day (50/50 odds). I think it’s almost an unconscious reaction sometimes for someone looking in to just want to run from deep sorrow like this.
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Ohh dear, they have no idea how just the wording can make what was meant to be a message of support to you wanting to punch them in the face ! “ fantastic indeed ?!
Beggars belief doesn’t it ?
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I have a very good friend who has been my constant support since Jeff died who is always complaining about her husband , she always has though so isn’t going to stop now . I do roll my eyes at her sometimes.
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There’s one of my friends has run a mile , but apparently it’s because she’s too upset about Jeff’s death. Well , what can I say .
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It can be so hurtful. The week of 6 months since i lost my husband and my first wedding anniversary without him my in-laws - after weeks of silence- messaged to ask if I had been doing anything exciting. Really upsetting 
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Omg how did you reply to that .
My mother in law completely ignored our 39th wedding anniversary.
I will need to bring it up wen i see her x
I decided silence was the best approach rather than get further upset 
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PHM agree fully with your comments and in my great time of sadness( having lost my wife of 34 years on Monday this week ) your parting comment made me laugh so that was so apt. Never loose your sense of humour
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Wow, sorry for this. I’ve been on the other end of it, too.
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We are not the same person anymore. Here’s something scientific I read:
“When you fall in love it’s encoded in your brain neurons, it’s proof that your love is everlasting. Two have become one. Those neurons will forever be imbedded with each other. Those neural attachments then have to change during grieving. “
It feels like half of me has been amputated,
Waves of Agony.
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People can be unintentionally cruel. Our 44th wedding anniversary is tomorrow, someone asked me if I was doing anything special. I said I’m signing the papers for the Trust and name change to the deed of our home. Then I’ll probably cry the whole day missing my one love my partner, the only person in this world who ever truly knows me. I miss him so much.
Thank you everyone here on these posts, I’m so grateful and feel everyone’s pain.
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I might drive to the place Danny took me on his Harley motorcycle where we had our first kiss. I can remember it so well, so in love, such sweet precious memories I hold dear in my heart forever.
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Hi Gumby,
I’ve lost half of me too , I’m just not the same person I was and don’t think I ever will be . I’ve lost my heart .
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It was our 39th anniversary last friday
Also my sons 36th birthday .
So felt i had to put a face on …which was easier than i thought.
Got up in the morning and decided to join local health club to start swimming .
Had a day with people bringing flowers , which really helped .
Keeping busy gets me through .
Good luck tomorrow
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Hi guys , I’ve been a widow now for 3 years and I was 39 when my husband of the same age died , I completely understand! And still go through it now ! I have really bad days and months and people asking if I’m ok like I should be " over it ! " Truth is we’re in a group that people can’t understand and you really want them too ! But they don’t unfortunately! Tell them the truth ,I’m feeling shit but thanks for Ur support xxxx
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Thank you, our anniversary is day after tomorrow I made a mistake on that post. Widow brain fog is so real. I am keeping busy, my husband loved gardening it was one of his passions. The backyard got out of hand since he got so terribly sick the last 3 months before he passed. I’ve been trying to keep it up, I can feel his presence while I’m working there, touching every stone he turned, every flower and tree he planted. He was totally hands on with upkeep to our home, he was very proud.
I’ll try and honor him and his passions.
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I think that sounds like a good idea , youll get comfort from doing it …maybe get yourself some flowers put them next to his picture.
I thought i would have a melt down on our anniversary but i didnt and at the end of the day i cried but i was proud of myself xx
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