I know the pain u feel I lost my lee 20/5/21 so unexpectedly 36 years old I was 33 we had met 10 years ago an fought so hard every challenge life cud throw at us and we were finally happy every single day spent together the last 4 years now alls I do is exist without him I haven’t even began to grieve as Iv got a 12 year old son who still needs me to be his mum. It sounds so strange but the only way I cope is convincing myself he’s not really dead he’s just in another country and eventually I’ll be bk with him again! So sorry for your loss x
2 Likes
ARDG
I lost my wife of 42 years suddenly 5 weeks ago, no sign of this at all.
I too felt the same for 3 weeks.
I am now at the stage of feeling lonely, cry when you can, don’t be afraid for people to see you cry and remember the good times not what could have been ( we too we’re making life changing plans) you (we) will get through this.
God bless
2 Likes
This forum is really something. Such lovely replies and great insight too.
Thank you!
1 Like
Hi I just wanted to say how truly sorry I am that you’re having to go through this. It really is the worst pain imaginable. My son lost his soul mate at the end of July when she was taken suddenly at the age of 31. Today is quite difficult as it is her birthday.
So much of what you have said resonates as he initially found it impossible to even visit a shop and he still finds it difficult to attend things. Her Dad also said that my son had been robbed of a wife and his future together with her as they had so many plans. Unfortunately her Dad died of a heart attack just 9 weeks after she passed so it’s been terribly difficult dealing with everything.
What I would say is take each day as step forward in the right direction. You will never get over this but you will get through it. Your partner’s last thoughts would not be that she hoped her death would ruin your life. Try and plan something every day to keep you occupied. Get involved with arranging the funeral and direct your love into something positive by doing this for her. Make it all that she would have wanted it to be.
Accept offers of help, meet ups etc and talk to anyone who is willing to listen. Mention her name, talk about her and honour her. Don’t think about what you’ve lost but what you gained from her. Step by step you will get there.
xxx
2 Likes
Thank you Lorraine and it sounds like your son has been enduring an incredibly difficult time too - I’m sorry for his loss.
I’d thrown myself into running as my other half and I had signed up for a race which cruelly didn’t happen for her.
I managed to complete the 10K yesterday and was really proud of my efforts, I could feel her urging me on throughout.
Today’s been difficult though, the adrenaline has gone, my motivation has dwindled, I hate this life without her so much.
2 Likes
Hi
I wanted to say well done for completing your run. That shows real determination. Your Wife would have been so proud of you.
Im 4 1/2 weeks into this half life. We had the funeral last week. It was so beautiful but sad. I now feel im in some sort of void.
Im due to fly to Tenerife today to stop with friends, we were supposed to be going together. I havnt packed yet. I dont know if i should go.
1 Like
ARDG
Small steps my friend after I lost my wife Christine everything seemed a Mammoth task, overwhelming almost.it’s not a race to get things done. Take your time, write things down you’ll be surprised how quickly things fall into place. Cry often that helps me remember the good things/memories.
Take care my friend
1 Like
Easy for me to say @JaneD, but I’m sure your husband would want you to go and try enjoy yourself, even though it’ll undoubtedly be incredibly difficult.
That said, I find offering others advice a lot easier than I do pulling myself through each day.
I was expecting PM results yesterday, none arrived and was then told it’ll be today. Have had a really bad sleep, though dreamt that D and I had fallen out, then she messaged to say she was coming home - it was at that point I woke up, realising it wasn’t the good news my mind had concocted for me. 
Thanks. We went to Tenerife for the 1st time in February to stop with the same friends. My Husbands old mate from school whos lived there over 25 years and his gf.
My Husband was due to inherit a large sum of money from his Dads business in lieu of a pension. We were going to buy a small apartment and spend a lot of time there.
I dont know what or if i will now get anything, his Son and eldest Daughter told me all the money is theirs less than 20 hours after he died. If i do i still want to follow our dream and buy a little 1 bed place. I suppose going today will give me an idea if i could mentally do that without him.
The kids are welcome to the rest.
Sleeping is not great. I get 3 hours then im awake. If im lucky i get another hour at 5.
I cant believe that 100s of people are going through this every day and i never really understood.
Keep strong.
3 Likes
ARDG
I am in the same boat been told PM results could be 2 to 3 months before we know cause of death, it all happened so quick.
This week on Thursday we can lay Christine to rest, it will be a hard, hard day x
1 Like
Please keep us updated on your ‘journey’, I do hope that should you go it’ll be a positive experience.
I joined an online session last night and I also was overwhelmed with just how many people are going through these emotions/lack of sleep, thought it was just me.
That in itself is some tiny piece of comfort.
1 Like
I was saying to a friend the other day, in Scotland we quite often use the term ‘wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy’ - the circumstances of the last 10 days, I honestly don’t think anyone would be twisted enough to think up such a scenario.
Post mortem came back today as unascertained, so we now face six months of waiting for a possible conclusion, though that isn’t a sure thing.
Starting to make arrangements now and trying to keep my head above water. Neither are things that are particularly easy.
First of all well done on being able to complete your run. What a huge achievement at any time of your life but you should be incredibly proud that you have managed to do it considering what you’re going through right now. So lovely that you felt your partner urging you on. You are carrying her love with you and honouring her memory. Give yourself a huge pat on the back and recognise what you’ve achieved.
I’m so sorry that the PM didn’t give you answers right now. We have the inquest due at the end of January. These things just prolong the pain and extend the grieving process. I think that unless you’re in this whole roundabout you really have no idea what people are going through.
Look on the funeral planning as something that you can do for your partner. Being involved will help you on the day.
It’s still very early days for you but it’s true what they say, time is a great healer x
1 Like
I certainly think I’ve underestimated the scale of what someone dealing with loss goes through.
There wasn’t any sort of warning, bliss to the pits of despair in next to no time.
3 Likes
Hi Jean, I lost my partner in Sept he was 63, one day short of his 64th birthday. I cant even describe the loss I feel, especially like yourself when I go out and come back in to an empty house and the enveloping silence. Billy was always home before me so TV and lights on and I’d come in and say Hi its just me and he would reply Hi me! How I long to hear him say that again from his favourite chair when I come home. I miss doing his washing and cooking his meals as he would eat everything I cooked for him and always thanked me for a lovely meal. I miss him so much
1 Like
Hi Lillian. Thank you and I’m so very sorry for your loss. I and my children (all adults with their own families) went to the Funeral Directors today to arrange the funeral. I don’t know how I got through it! I’ve been a mess since I got home. I don’t know how to cope with this lost, empty feeling. I miss him so much it’s unbearable.
1 Like
@Jean8 - Similar day for me, looks like we’ll be able to go see D on Thursday. I’m looking forward to and dreading that in equal measures.
A few weeks ago we’d have been watching a last episode of a comedy before sleeping, less than two weeks later I’m discussing things like her funeral and a post mortem.
It’s beyond any pain I could ever imagine, I’m not sure if I can go on or if I even want to.
1 Like
ARDG
Please take each day as it comes.
Earlier this morning I was feeling calmer, family were coming down.
I went to visit Christine at the funeral directors, her funeral is Thursday.
I absolutely broke down, this was not my beautiful wife, my soulmate there.
The hurt was overwhelming but at no point did I think I couldn’t go on, take small steps.
I came home looked at photos, remembered good times and silly little disagreements.
Now tonight although not sleeping I am much calmer.
Please hang in there, I know your pain first hand but you will also have good memories, hold on to those.
I don’t know what else I can say but please stay strong.
1 Like
Hi ARDG
I totally understand what you are saying. Within a couple of weeks your life changes totally. You wake up each day and it hits you over and over again.
I dont know if it helps but i saw my Husband last week. I was so nervous as had also seen my Mum and Dad years ago which wernt the best experiences. This time however it was so serene. They had made him look beautiful. No pain. I could see he wasn’t in his body as such but i felt his presence. It was a really positive experience. Im glad i went.
I wish everyone planning the funerals the strength they need. Im nearly a week past and it really hits you hard. Be warned. Day after the funeral is a nasty one.
I flew to tenerife yesterday and after crying all day long i met my Husbands friend and we chatted about life until 1am. It helped talking to someone who knew him.
Little steps for everyone. No 2 days are the same.
1 Like