3 weeks ago I suddenly lost my partner, best friend, soul mate, suddenly and unexpectedly he dropped dead at work quite literally, he was 48 im 37 i don’t know how I will ever live without him I have a son who is 12, it still hasn’t sunk in and we are still in shock. Worst day of my life and the funeral other day. I hate life and just want to give up. Any1 help advice talk much appreciated my heart is aching and heavy
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Hi
Rest assured everyone here who has lost a loved one knows exactly how you are feeling. We are all at different stages of grief but with your loss so recent you and your son are certainly still in shock. Sadly that ache in your chest will never go away and you feel like you will never function properly again. But you will, it will be a struggle and as I’ve said before there is no timetable everyone grieves in different ways. It’s been 20 months since I lost my husband suddenly and it seems like yesterday but I am moving forward bit by bit and you will too. I wish I could add comforting words but nothing prepares you for losing the most important person in your life.
Stay strong and reach out if you need people to talk to.
Georgina
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Hi, thank u, i just feel so empty lost and alone even tho I have so many friends and family around all the time. I don’t want any1 but him. No nothing does and I know nothing will bring him back. My son and me start counselling next week hes really not coping. Thank u I will
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What you say about being surrounded and not wanting anyone but your husband is so how I’m feeling. I’m 15 days into this hell that I now refer to as my life - it only has seemed to get worse.
My nightmares are getting progressively worse too, I can’t stand the night time. The thought I’ll never get the chance to cuddle up at the end of the day and tell her how much I love her just rips the soul out my body.
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It feels i have no purpose in life anymore yet I feel guilty for that as i have a child so I should have purpose I feel guilty for trying to get on with my life. Every1 says I’m not alone yet i feel totally alone. I keep expecting him home from work as that where he died but iv seen where he collapsed I saw him at the hospital and spent every day with him in chapel of rest b4 funeral yet still my head thinks where is he my heart well has dropped 2 my feet.
Aw no nightmares have u been to docs? Could they help with anything? Im mentally drained each day and get few hours sleep thankfully. I have pillows with his and mine pics on I sleep with i think helps bit. It kills me too about not getting 2 cuddle or smell him tell him I love him I used 2 tell him all the time. I feel I can’t live without him and dunno how I’m going to. And xmas well I’m dreading
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So many comparisons here, I found D and despite trying everything I could to bring her back, I was too late.
I feel I’ve lost so much purpose, Christmas will be dreadful, but I suppose it’s just another hurdle on this journey we never imagined we could ever have had to endure.
I’m currently intending to spend time with D’s family, exchange gifts and stories and try smile as much as possible, she’d want that.
In the worst parts I’ll vent on here, go a run and do a bit of shouting into the ether - will it work? I’ve no idea, it’s all just an overwhelming learning process.
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Oh I’m sorry that happened 2 u, Darren’s work colleagues had same and the guy who tried to but couldn’t save him has nightmares so I can’t imagine. Post mortem revealed he had heart disease no symptoms nothing, its a horrific journey I don’t want to be on.
I don’t want 2 spend xmas with his family we always spent it us and my son always was just that.
I definitely have no purpose in life any more im literally just existing in life at the minute
I’ve got another six months before we might find out what happened, aged 33 - it makes no sense.
You’ve come this far though, and your husband certainly wouldn’t want your son to have to fend for himself? Im battering myself daily, but I think we are doing well given the horrific circumstances.
That’s so young so unfair, life is so cruel, can I ask why 6 months? You’re right he wouldn’t yes come this far and will battle on speaking to ppl going through same. Only time will tell
So sorry to read your post. So traumatic for you and your son. I am in a similar situation - lost my husband unexpectedly 4weeks ago. Have two daughters early 20s, both still at home fortunately.
I seem to function when people are around some of time but go to pieces on my own. Cry constantly in shops, in the house, shout, have major panics. Lots of anger too.
So glad you are starting therapy. I really hope that can be a help. I have that too next week. I wish I could give you something which helps but it is such small steps just now.
I am hoping to go to a concert tomorrow night. My kids think I should go for a couple of hours but very stressed about it.
Hate going to sleep, hate waking up, hate everything…but people come over and I have to chat to them and for a wee while I feel okay. But I know it’s fleeting.
Please reach out as it helps to know someone is out there thinking about you.
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The post mortem came back unascertained and there’s a backlog for further tests to be carried out. Not that whatever is found out will bring her back, it does feel like it prolongs the agony.
Hello, sorry for your loss also, yes I have plenty ppm around me but it also get over whelming at times not that I’m not grateful as I am I also need my space. My mum and step came over from Spain to support me but they can’t stay for ever I know this.
I’m dreading xmas cos we spent it together yet lot sof ppl have I voted us round 2 be with them but I want 2 stsyst home. All very confusing and emotional my son isn’t coping either I think we are both putting on brave faces for ourselves and every1. Iv been out here and there and it did me good for bit yes try concert won’t know til u try I guess.
I found this group earlier and thought ppl going through same gotta help so here I am
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Oh my goodness yes it will feel like that I thought 2 weeks was bad I’m sorry you’re going through that
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I think that part will only sink in when the funeral has passed, but the way in which the world has stopped turning is crazy.
Yet again it’s night time, I’ll text her goodnight, lie down in what was her room at her parents house (I’ve been staying there last few weeks) and prepare myself for whatever horrors my mind has for me tonight.
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Yes I know exactly what you feeling about it being overwhelming. I find it hard to say no to people especially when they want to help but I actually can’t wait for a day of no visitors…it can be so exhausting talking either about the traumatic events or trying to pretend to be able to focus on stuff they’ve been doing.
Having family staying is definitely helpful but yes eventually we are all going to have to cope on our own. With my two we are trying to work as a team, kind of look out for each other. But they are early 20s and your son is so young. My heart really goes out to you both.
In terms of Christmas we have decided to put up a tree, basically to add some light to the place, and keeping it just us on Christmas Day. We’ve also decided that if folk want to drop in on Boxing Day for a drink or whatever we would leave it open, as that used to be our big family gathering. But just come for an hour or two and then leave.
It’s kind of what the girls want. I am going along with that. If it was just me it would be beans on toast, a nice bottle of wine and several box sets - still in pjs.
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Yes it might for u as u have 2 wait longer, Darren’s funeral was last wed still no closure for me, maybe when I get his ashes back who knows. I don’t think I will ever has closure as I don’t want to believe he has actually gone maybe much further down the line.
Night time is strange for me I sleep but only few hours on his side of the bed. He was my safety blanket my rock my everything just so lost and lonely isn’t it. Im awake if u want to chat as are other ppl on here I imagine
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Yeah, it’s all just turned 360 in a matter of weeks. Dawn was my driving force, my inspiration, my biggest supporter.
I knew I’d found a love so unique and my person forever. It’s all just been robbed.
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Yes that’s me 2, I’m being strong for other ppl so they don’t come round again as awful as it sounds its suffocating at times and u can’t be yourself in your house and grieve properly
I think he’s grieving completely differently and we are way end of scales and I can’t help with that hence counselling for us both. Hes no a daft kid atall bes heard me arrange funeral discuss post mortem, embalming, he saw darren with me at the hospital when he had died we spent time with him which I’m grateful but excuse the term darren was still fresh when we saw him so looked like he was sleeping cold but sleeping. That’s probably effected him as will any1 really. I work in care have for 10 years and deal with bodies but…your lived one is totally different.
We put tree and decs up last week trying 2 keep it normal for mikey as he loves xmas. We are doing things xmas eve and boxing day and will be occupied xmas day with things I get him I guess its see how we feel on the day.
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Yes it has and I hate it, I’d only been with darren 9 n half years still had many together, we knew it 2. Life is so cruel and I find myself asking why, why me, why darren, I got angry earlier and threw a pen and cried in anger
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Yes that’s it exactly. You put on an act for people and then they tell you that you’re doing so well, coping so well - little do they know the reality…
Woke up again with the same thoughts in my head. Guilt and anger. It’s such a grim way to start every day and I just dread each new day.
Glad you have things organised for those days at Christmas. I am trying to make things a bit different. We will be at home and folk can come and see us, if necessary. I am only really relaxed in my own house anyway.
Nobody understands what we’re going through unless they’ve been there. It feels to me like I am just a shell of a person who can barely function. I dread having to go to a local shop in case I see someone I know. But I managed to be in a shop for 10 minutes yesterday without crying, which was good. Very tiny steps…
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