Sorry Peter, I pressed send before I had finished. I was going to say, why not give it a try and see how you get on. I have sleeping pills and anti-depressants and have a dread of getting addicted so I take them only now and again if things get really bad, but I wonder if the pills are just putting off the day that we have to face the truth, that our loved ones have gone.
Good luck, and do let me know how you get on with that idea. Hugs Ann
please be careful as some drugs have a long half-life (the time to get out of your system). For example diazepam you shouldnāt drink alcohol for two days after the last pill as it can slow your breathing enough to stop you breathing. Best check with the dr. I hope they can help you find some solution. For me the pills won hands down as I could sleep a night when on them so worth sacrificing alcohol for but that was diazepam so cant advise on others.
Take care Peter 
Dear FleurDeLis,
You express it perfectly, " ā¦ an overload of sadness".
This profoundly sorrowing state of being is wearying beyond belief. Even when Iām blocking all thoughts in an effort to escape from the reality, the oppressive cloud of grief presses down like a weight.
Now I just need my affairs in order and then I want to join my soul mate.
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Thanks for your advice guys, especially the detailed one from XXX. I told my Grief Councillor about my dilemma and she made me promise to speak to my GP about it. A good outcome, my GP said a drink in the evening whilst taking Lustral is quite OK and suggested that I took the Lustral first thing in the morning. I wonder how long they take to take effect? Iām still bouncing around on the bottom. Have just seen that Tesco have no more priority slots until the New Year so I may not have any gin anyway!
Prof, just like you I am desperately trying to put things in order - solicitors and memorial makers are frustratingly slow at everything. When all is completed will be able to make up my mind on the next step.
Peter
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I know exactly how you feel and I just donāt do cards now. I canāt bear to write them with only my name. I give a donation to Bowel Cancer Uk instead. It is a difficult time. This is my 2nd Christmas without my husband and itās not any easier. Take care and be kind to yourself xx
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Hi Jean. I lost my wife of 50 years just 6 months ago.
Itās been hard enough as I only have our dog for company now. We always stayed at home at Christmas just the two of us.
It really hit me hard when I received the first Christmas card without Caroleās name on it.
Carole always liked to write out the cards and itās been awful just signing my name.
I wasnāt going to bother at first but the thought that people have taken the time to send me cards it was the least I could do. Everyone means well.
I know itās hard and I probably wonāt see many people at all over the holiday period.
At least Iām going to a friends for dinner but because of the tier situation I wonāt be stopping long.
I know they say that time is a great healer but at the moment I canāt see that far ahead. Itās still like a bad dream and I canāt believe Iām never going to see her again.
I hope you have as nice a Christmas as you can.xx
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Hi Jean
Iām so sorry for your loss. I was in the same position last year having lost my wife and soulmate, Andrea on the 2nd of October. ,
Nothing anyone says will take away the pain and loneliness, but I promise you it does become less acute with the passing of time. I still find myself welling up and crying for no apparent reason. Usually when Iām driving and sheās not sitting next to me and when Iām at home alone.
Christmas is an awful time for everybody in our position, but this year Iām going to make a real effort to just get through it. Covid doesnāt help, but to be honest it doesnāt really make much difference to me.
Stay strong and try to remember youāre not alone in this.
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I know how you feel, lost my dad and husband at the beginning of last year went through all the pain crying not sleeping went for counselling which did help. Things will get better sometimes I hate being on my own and then go back to feeling fine all swings and roundabouts l suppose, donāt have any family close bye. Miss his voice laugh and singing etc
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My thoughts exactly, @Prof, even more so as each day passes. 
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Hi John do sorry for your loss I lost my beloved Ron after being married for 50 years so I know how you feel. Just to say I have never just put my name on any card birthday or Christmas. I always put Ron my Angel and I am so pleased to say that I have had some cards with his name on and of course saying my Angel so I love it and I am sure my Ron would love it too. Not everyone would agree but I will never ever just put my name only to people who didnāt know him. Love and hugs to you. Xx Carol xxx
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I have written only a few cards. It was too much signing only my name. Sending love B
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How about putting his name, then ā in spiritā after?
I feel so guilty if i find something funny. As though i shoudnt be happy. So i stop immediatly and become sad.
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Am so sorry for your loss and feel your pain. I lost my daughter earlier this year and just couldnāt bring myself to write cards this year. Our local hospice has had an extension but due to Covid there has been no fundraising this year so can not afford to furnish, so I sent a nice donation to them in lieu of cards and they have a light up a life service every Christmas so sent what I would have spent on my daughters Christmas presents. I have to admit it felt nice to know how greatfully received the money was. Hopefully you can see some family on Christmas Day xx
I can understand that. I have cried virtually every day for my daughter then had about three days when I didnāt and felt guilty!
I was just informed by my sister today that I put ālove Shona & Billā on her Christmas card. Itās so hard not to put his name on cards. I just sent family cards which is just as well maybe as donāt know if did it on anymore 
.
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I put Richard and Karen on ALL the Christmas cards I sent. If any of the recipients were hoping Iād forgotten her by now, then they are sadly deluded
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Same I put Mick on all my cards x
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I understand your feelings very very well. It is torture to sign one name. I canāt do it either.xx
I havenāt sent any cards this year - Iām hope people will understand. They keep falling through the letterbox, some simply addressed to me and others to āMr.& Mrsā. I find both sorts almost equally upsetting. My grief councillor has suggested that I donāt open the āMr. & Mrsā ones until next year when, hopefully, I shall be a bit stronger and feel able to tell them about Gill.
I find that the whole horrible business is effecting my health, I learned today that I now weigh 10st12ibs , I was a steady 12st before Gillās illness. I take food more as a medicine now not a pleasure.
I wonder if this is usual?
Peter