Hi Peter
Very hard I found after mick died I couldn’t eat and lost 2 stone in weight my children started to worry I began eating small amounts 8 months on I have gained some of my weight back. The card situation is so upsetting I don’t even open mine take care of your self xx
Hi @PeterL,
In the 14 weeks following my wife’s passing, I lost 1½ stones. I had wanted to lose some weight but this was never the way I planned on doing it. Like @Kim5, I think I’ve recently gained a couple of pounds recently.
Yesterday I received a Christmas card from one of my wife’s American cross-stitch friends. It contained a hand-written message: “Nicki - May you be safe and healthy through the holidays and in the coming year. And may your stitches always be straight (crossed).”. It made me cry, and it is again writing this. I also received a separate card from the same person addressed to myself only, so I don’t know if the sender only found out about my wife after having addressed the first card to only Nicki.
Take good care of yourself.
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My stepdad just came for his tea on his way back from meeting my stepsister and her family to exchange presents. I was invited but couldn’t face forced jollyness even if I could do it.
Whilst he was gone my mum got very upset about the latest news (I avoid the news like covid since my husband died as I no longer want to watch and it makes me more anxious) but they both watch it a lot. She was scared and panicking and told me that there is a new strain and some other stuff, I then had to sort myself out a bit to try and cheer her up and we were doing OK. I ate the dinner she cooked us forcefeeding myself to give her no more worry. Then my stepdad arrived and I was pleased to see him as I love him but then he is just talking about Xmas or the news so I had to just leave them to it and go hide in the bedroom.
A neighbour put a card through for me and my husband. I put that one up (others have gone face down in a pile, in bin or unopened). Seeing our names together again was nice.
I am only cheered by the hope I take someone’s place in the covid queue as I am not coping with Christmas at all. I could vomit my dinner up just thinking about it. The pit of my stomach is aching for my husband. He was too young and I feel cheated. We would have loved being locked down in Christmas together but this is a living nightmare and I am a zombie with no heart or brain left just stumbling along.
Hi Peter
We all react differently! I wasn’t eating nice health food after Jack died ! Instead I had junk !!! Result I put on lots of weight
Sadie
Hello all this is my first Christmas after losing my soulmate of 55 years married. He passed away 6 weeks ago and like a lot of you I have only one son who lives nearby the rest of my family are all over the world. It’s so hard as I am the first one to lose a husband amongst our friends and it’s hard for them to understand the loneliness. I can’t go into the supermarket with all the Christmas music and happy couples walking by. Covid complicates things for us too. Let’s hope we all get through.
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Hello Rosie.
I am similar to you in that my precious husband and I were married for 54 years and I feel as though I have been cut in half since he died in June. I have no words to make it better for you but I wanted you to know that people on here, including me, will try to support you.
Did you know that someone here suggested that we all light a candle for our loved ones at 7pm on Christmas Eve? We will all be here together then and perhaps not feel so alone. Maybe you might like to do that too.
I have been on here for longer than you, nearly 6 months and it has really helped me. I hope it will help you too.
Hugs, Ann x
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Dear Rosie
Ann is right , there is very little that we can say
I was married for 44 years - we had a loving and passionate relationship - this is my 3rd Christmas without Jack - we somehow survive
I know that when Jack died I died with him - I am a different person now , my joy, exctmment disappeared but I feel that celebrating Christmas is a way I have to honour Jack’s memory and to remind myself how lucky we were to have the family we have
Just do what you want !!
Sadie x
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Your heart is there sweetheart, it’s just a little battered and broken at the minute and while you may feel as though your life has ended too, it hasn’t it’s just taken a different direction to the one you thought xx
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thought the same 
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Hi Jean and John I hope you managed Christmas and it wasn’t too painful for you. I spent it with my 2 daughters and granddaughters.We live 5 miles from each other.John I hope you and your dog had a good walk and it didn’t snow.I go home tomorrow and will be alone again, on the 30 th it will be 7 months without my husband , I carnt do much the broken elbow is still stiff but hope to get discharged on the 7 th of Jan. Goodnight and love to everyone that had Christmas without there loved ones. Take care thinking about you all xxxxx:santa:t3:
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Goodnight everyone. I hope you all have a peaceful and restful sleep.
You know we are here if you need us.
Take care. Stay safe,
Audrey,
Online Community Team
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Hi Malc,39200, I took s few weeks and days off from the site as the absense of wife at this time of year was getting me down. At the same time I have been doing chores around the house now. I see the things that she tidying up that she didn’t get to finish. I have been taking it on myself to try to keep things up to a tidyness. This is the way she was - I have no problem in finishing up her work – I don’t know if her spirits is here or not but I have reminders of her presence - maybe thru her things. I’ve been organizing it all a bit at a time. She really loved the Christmas holidays - well, I didn’t put up much this year - just a small tree. I sent out a card or two to her grandchildren (she would have wanted it that way. All around it was a very quiet holiday season (I didn’t miss it). The weather is starting to change - getting colder each day - so winter is here! Wish I could hibernate so I keep myself busy. This letter is boring (I know). But thought I’d try to reach out to most of you. I hope all is well with you. Wishing you the best! Take care!
Herb
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Don’t blame you, Herb! Hibernation sounds good.
Just off to bed. It’s nearly 2am here in the UK. No doubt we will chat again soon.
Hugs, Ann x
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Hi Anne and Sadsadie,
Thanks for your kind words I am feeling very low today with no enthusiasm for the future, just can’t seem to see a life without Rod, but know that is what I have to do. Friends do what they can just feel isolated and alone without my rock. I realise he did too much for me andI never really had to stand on my own two feet. He booked holidays did all the garden and looking after our property. Suddenly I have to take the reins for everything and it feels very scary having never lived alone before.
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Hello Rosie 76
I totally understand what you are feeling. Like you I had never lived on my own before. It’s so scary to be having to think of everything about running the house etc.
On New Year’s Day it will be one year since my dearest Gerry lost his battle. It doesn’t seem possible that I have survived a year without him. It doesn’t get any easier does it. No purpose and existing like hermits because of the pandemic . At least we know we are not alone x
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Hello Everyone, I can definetly understand the grief all of you have gone thru. It’s a very sad time to have to endure and suffer the loss of a loved one. In my case, I think back on how my wife loved this time of year. I agree with most of you on how did we get thru the year??? I still miss my wife and the way she made my life so happy and joyful - she would do jokes, and friendliness that I enjoyed so much! I can’t be like I was one time - it seems so long ago (even though it’s about 13 months). I just feel so sad because all I do is chores and keep myself busy.
It’s just not the same anymore. I don’t mean to burden anyone with my sad state of affairs - just looking for sympathetic ear I guess. My memories of her are what keeps her in my heart. Sorry, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you all. Like many of you, I’ll somehow get thru this - but I just get moments like this. Thank you.
Herb
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Dear AnnR, Just wanted to say I appreciate the understanding. I guess as I had previously written — I’ get days like this where I want to reach out and find a sympathetic ear.
Herb
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Hi Herb
You have always got a sympathetic ear in me, my friend. I do know how you feel and we are going to get through this together and with the help of our friends on here.
The only way is up, even if we break our nails hanging on so we don’t fall down again. We have got through Christmas, the first for me, and on the 30th, I will have been without Tony for six horrible months. I am so grateful for the 57 years we had, but wish I could have had him for longer.
Keep chatting, Herb. I am always glad to hear from you. Here’s another hug or two!
Love and hugs, Ann
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Dear Anne, Greencat and Rosie and all who are hurting.
How did we get through Christmas? New Year is still to come and the rest of the Winter.
I feel as though my soul will never thaw so it might as well be Winter. Summer could be even harder to bear.
Like many of you, I have never lived alone in my life and in February we’d have been together for 60 years. We didn’t live together until we were married 58 years ago and people tell me how lucky I am to have had such a long, happy marriage. I don’t need anyone to tell me how blessed I have been but that just makes my present, empty solitude so much harder to bear.
Together, the chores were light and problems of house and garden maintenance discussed and remedies found.
Alone, I just can’t cope and hate my joyless existence of endless, repetitive chores. My husband looked after me, the house and the garden. He was fit, strong and quick, accomplishing as much in a morning as has taken two days for the workmen I have had to employ. Also we knew that whatever he did was done to a high standard.
All I can do is dusting, vacuuming, seeing to the dishwasher and washing machine and making sandwiches or toast - my diet now. Nothing is achieved. It’s just running to stay in the same place. Even changing the bed is a struggle whereas together, it was done in a flash and hardly noticed, as we chatted and laughed and made plans for the day.
The practical aspect of being alone is nothing compared with the loss of my soulmate, my own dear love, my best friend. The long evenings are the worst times. I try the escapism of television but if something strikes me as funny I laugh and turn my head to share the moment to find myself looking at an empty chair.
We went dancing twice a week and danced every day at home, practising new moves and steps. Sometimes the dances required us to change partners and they were fun but we both celebrated the moment when the dance came full circle and we reached each other again. We completed one another.
This is my life now. People ring me up, send emails, bring my shopping, are incredibly kind but they move on in the dance to resume their own lives and I have no partner. I hold out my arms but there is only empty space.
Now it’s morning. There is nothing to tidy up or clean. It takes an effort of will to shower, dress and do my hair and make up. There is no-one to tell me I look nice, no-one to whom I am special, no-one to please.
Forgive me, all of you but I just feel so desolate and need to tell someone who understands. Perhaps someone can tell me how to go on .
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Hi prof,
Everything you have said is everything we all feel.
‘ there’s no one to tell me I look nice, no one to whom I am special, and no one to please’
Those feelings of not having the person who made us complete, made us feel safe, loved and happy, nothing else mattered. And now we are on our own drifting around doing the things that need to be done, just existing.
All I can say is talking to the lovely people on here all feeling the same has helped me and I don’t know where I would be without it, to make friends who listen and understand, gives me strength to be able to get through another day.
Sending a hug x
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