How will we cope at Christmas

Having lost my soulmate/ husband only 16 weeks ago I am wondering how I will cope at Christmas without him. We never went out for Christmas but we enjoyed putting up the tree and the decorations together. Our simple pleasures and each other’s company was enough for us. I have no family living nearby so I will be alone this year. I’ve spent all morning crying just thinking about writing our usual Christmas cards but with only my name on them. How have others coped in this situation.

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Hi Jean2 I’m dreading Christmas as well I have a granddaughter age 2 my husband last year brought a 6ft singing Santa he loved it more than her singing and dancing with it. I watch the Christmas videos and go to pieces. Christmas cards I never send I always ask family not to send to me I put to a charity instead. If I do send cards Micks name still goes on them. It’s so hard especially for you on your own Jean can family not spend time with you. Sending love xx

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Christmas is hard for everyone, it’s looming over us and there’s no getting away from it, the shops the tv, it’s a constant reminder of happy family time and to us it’s just a kick in the stomach.
This will be my second Christmas without Tim, the first was a daze , can’t remember half of it ( not because of too much Christmas tipples :joy: ) but it was only a month after losing him, I was in such a state.
I’m dreading it this year, but I’ll have to face it because of my young grandkids.
I also put Tim’s name in cards otherwise it feels like he never existed and I don’t want that.
We just have to get through it , like we do everyday, as what choice do we have xx

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Hi like you Mick name is always on cards. I hope you have some sort of comfort this year with your grandchildren I’m only doing it for mine xxTake care x

Oh @Jean2, this is something I have been worrying about for the last few weeks too. The thought of Christmas on my own fills me with horror and I wonder how on earth I’m going to make it through the day.

My wife loved Christmas, and last year I only put up an 18inch plastic Christmas tree which I had bought for us when I first met my wife in 1989. Nicki had wanted a proper tree instead, so I promised her that this year we would get a real tree. Now I don’t know if I’ll even bother with a tree, or even send out any Christmas cards. I’m in tears now as I write this. My parents, brother, neices and other relatives all live in Scotland (I’m in Newcastle), we don’t have any kids, my wife has no relatives, and I’m literally on my own. My wife loved making Christmas dinner on the 25th, even though it caused her a lot of pain because of her disability. I have the radio on at home non-stop at present, the thought of all the Christmas tunes and adverts and the prospect of Christmas literally does fill me with fear for my own mental health. I simply don’t know what the answer is.

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Dear Jean
We cope because we have to cope
Jack died 8 weeks before Christmas - I was dreading it - so we did things very different than we usually did - instead of coming to my house we went to one of my daughters’ house. And in the end it was ok
The thought of a Christmas tree makes me feel cold - I bought a tree that is made with lots of lights - it really looks like a twig with lots of lights ! And I am ok with it.
Christmas passed ok however I had an unexpected meltdown on New Year’s Eve .
I have found out that in my case before the special date is much worse than in the actual day and the meltdowns don’t come at the expected time
In 4 days is the 2nd anniversary of Jack’s death - and I already had several moments when all is so awful and sad and I dread when the day come - however I know that I maybe ok !!
We all feel and react differently - and you will find what is right for you
Live
Sadie xx

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I’m very sorry, I am unable to offer any advice, but like you, I’m not looking forward to Christmas without Karen

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Hello Jean, I feel the same about Christmas, can’t believe I am going through this a second time. The situation in the world today doesn’t help either. No one understands unless they have been through it xx

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I’m getting so anxious about Christmas too. Every year it has been the 4 of us since both boys were born. Now our beloved beautiful youngest boy has passed away I have no idea how we are going to get through :broken_heart:
Sending love and strength to everyone to get through Christmas and every long painful day we endure x

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Im not looking forward to christmas its getting less and less round the table now this year there will be 3 of us me and my daughter are going to yorkshire to my mums too painful memories here after last christmas and i dont want to be round everyone here drinking talking about him and his drinking like it was ok im best off out of it x

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I’m dreading Christmas too. The first one since my sister passed away.
Someone once said it’s just a day no longer or shorter than any other and you will get through it.

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I’ve also been thinking about Christmas and would be quite happy for it not to happen. Before my husband died we always had a house full even friends of our adult children new they were welcome.now they want to be in their own homes with their own children. This is fine by me and I politely decline to go to my daughters. I’ll still have my son here but even he doesn’t want to be bothered. After reading these posts I realised I hadn’t given a thought to the fact my mother isn’t with us this year…she stopped coming to us when she couldn’t manage the stairs but I always took her Christmas dinner to her and spent an hour with her I used to moan about having to go out on Christmas day. She died in April so I don’t even have to cook or go out this year,I would quite happily not do Christmas (tree lights etc) but I will for the grandchildren but the thought of it makes me feel sick. The clocks haven’t even gone back yetand I’m dreading the dark nights. Roll on April.

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I too am dreading Christmas. For the first 7 years of our relationship he worked offshore and only got 2 Christmas off. When he decided he didn’t want to leave me every 3wks he took a job about 10mins from our house. We got married 3years ago and as I always have all the family at me for Christmas(14) it was handy to have him there as he was a chef to trade. The last 5 years have been the best Christmas ever and we planned many more. My Mum now has cancer and going through chemo which will go on until February so I have no idea what Christmas will be like. I cry when I think of it.
Covid might stop us having anyone round. I hate all this uncertainty. I know everyone i this group will be dreading Christmas so we just have to lean on each other.
Shona x

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De3ar Friends, I kind of dread Christmas as well as the Fall holidays too. Yes, there will be one less place at the table. Of course we will try to ignore that that one person is not here to enjoy a family/friendship get together. I do not think I will enjoy the festivities - but will observe it with family and friends… I will make up an excuse to leave early (I’m sort of planning it already). Maybe a few of you feel the same as I do. I wish it were not so. I will miss my wife, who should be sitting at my side - with me trying to ham it up - but reality sets in. I will sit in a sense of silence. I’ll be an observer, but in reality, I would rather not be there. I’m just sharing my thoughts - but I wish everyone the best - whichever way it goes for you. Please remember those of us who have lost our spouse, a close friend, parent etc. I wish all of the best!
Herb

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Hi Jean, I feel exactly the same. We had no children so I will be on my own at Christmas. I have been dreading it too as I have been finding the weekends, usually Sundays very difficult and feel very down and tearful. I used to enjoy cooking a lovely Sunday lunch so I don’t know how I will get through Christmas. I certainly won’t be putting up any decorations this year and I doubt I will cook a Christmas dinner just for me. Have considered staying in bed all day, but I know that will just make me feel worse than ever! I will have a small light lunch and plenty of wine! Writing the cards will be hard too. I find when I talk to people I am still saying ‘our’ or ‘we’ and must now get used to saying ‘me’ or ‘I’.

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Hello everyone!. I don’t know if the above messages apply to me or not. No matter, I only want submit my my comments on the upcoming holidays. I will miss my wife as the holidays approach. If I get invited to a family get together I will attend (not really wanting to but if). I ask myself, why am I still here? Anyway, I do not want to be around the christmas revelers- I can enjoy my christmas holidays just remembering how I enjoyed my times with my lovely wife. The memories are good! I enjoyed my time with her when I was with her. About this time she would be bring out the decorations and singing songs. Something really miss now. My christmas, for the most part, will be alone. I’d rather it was that way because in a way that’s how
ZI want to remember it - her and I. Maybe I’ll find the courage to move forward without her but for now, I want remember her. One writer said they would enjoy a glass of wine in remembrance of her departed and beloved husband —I believe I shall do the same. I don’t need the festivities or or the big family get togethers - we did it ourselves and we enjoyed every minute of it. I have nothing to regret — I would do it all over again if I had to do it over again! No regrets!. Cheers!!! Anyone want to join me???
Herb

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I think you speak for many, I feel unsure, for me yes, but I think it will quiet with the virus in any case.
I will join someone for their sake but I shall be content to get home and my memories. All 64 we shared with love.
Then I shall raise a glass and talk aloud as I remember

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Hi alston56 i too am dreading christmas 1st one without my partner of 19 years . Ed always loved christmas especially putting up the tree and decorations . The nearer it gets the more panicky i feel . Been invited to my sister’s for the day don’t know how i’ll feel though not spending it at home with ed . Waking up on the morning will be heartbreaking but at least my three gorgeous cats will help i’m sure .would love to spend the day with my kids but my son and grandkids live abroad and my daughter lives in brighton so that can’t be . Went shopping in newcastle today which was horrible as too many memories of times i went with ed . Had a major meltdown when i got home so won’t be doing that again for a while. I’m sure we’ll all be relieved when christmas is over i really can’t be bothered with it this year . Take care debbie x

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Read your post today – hope you don’t mind me butting in, but I relate to your as well as others on this forum.
It;s been about 3 days and no feedback from anyone - maybe I should drop the X-mas comments. But, I cannot help it - I’m coming up on a year now since my wife (my better half) died suddenly 2 days before Thanksgiving day. She had everything all set up and in a tote for the event. I have tried to live my life like I am moving on - for me that’s very difficult! I just wanted to comment on the holidays thing. I only wish my wife were back here with me — my only wish. Thank you for reading this post.
Herb

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Hi days that should be special are really difficult for us i think cos our "other half’s "just aren’t with us anymore awful for you that your wife went suddenly at least i knew what to expect with ed being ill for three years with a degenerative disease but terrible to watch him slipping away we 're all suffering from the same thing i wish there was a cure i’d be first in the queue cos every day is so hard to get through take care debbie x

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