Many people have pointed out kindly that I am still married to my husband. I wear my wedding ring. I am a widow not a woman who has any reason to revert to my maiden name (although I use it to sing). If you know Vanity Fair and Dobbin wishes to marry Amelia, she is horrified. Her husband has been killed at Waterloo and while he may not have been as worthwhile as she thinks she loves him and says, ‘George is my husband now and in heaven.’ That’ll do for me.
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I never put widowed on anything still married always will be. X
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Interesting- I just can’t write widow!!
My little 5 year old grandson asked me why I still wore my wedding ring, and he answered “ to remember grandad?”
I told him I don’t need a ring to remember grandad but having my wedding ring makes me feel he is with me
Sadie x
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I still wear my wedding ring too, In my eyes, I’m still a married woman, I do take my ring off when I’m making pastry because it’s almost ended up in a pie on more than one occasion.
Sometimes, absent mindedly I’ve found myself touching it and swirling it around my finger thinking about Alan, To me it represents a direct link to him, the life we once had and will continue to be the link as I live this different life.
sometimes it’s comforting just to touch,
it brings so many memories into my future too.
I try to avoid the label ‘widow’ as much as possible and will continue as Mrs. My mum is still Mrs, my dad passed in 2006, both my grans remained Mrs too.
A badge of honour.
hope today has been an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow will be an improvement on today
blessings
Jen🦋
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I never had the pleasure of a wedding ring had 39 years with my Ray though. But now I have no status I am not single and never will be. i call myself bereaved. I have two grown up children to him so no way can I be called single.
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It has never occurred to me to remove my wedding ring. My identity for nearly 60 years has been as part of someone else. I was proud to be David’s wife and have never understood why some people prefer to keep their maiden names or call themselves Ms. Being Mrs. and wearing my ring continues the unbroken bond. When strangers (insurance companies, nurses, doctors, receptionists etc) call me by my Christian name I always ask them to use my title and married name. I already feel alone enough and to be addressed as my husband’s wife puts heart in me. I have lost the love of my life, my soulmate, the focus of my life on this earth, even a large part of my income. I am NOT going to have my sense of identity taken away as well.
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In the last seven months I’ve never thought about removing my wedding ring. My father never removed his, although he survived my mother by five years. My grandmother (born in 1884) wanted to be buried wearing her wedding ring for, as she said, ‘When I get to heaven St Peter won’t know I’m married.’ She’d been widowed a long time too. I don’t mind being called by my first name and I do use my maiden name when I sing because I want to keep an unusual name alive but I took on a fairly ordinary surname and I’ve never minded, At least people can spell it!
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Ahh San that’s a lovely picture of you. Yes like you when I go into a church I light a candle for David and those close who have passed. My neice in Spain has been to the little cemetery and has refreshed his flower’s. Its special to me as I can’t be there at the moment 
. Now there is another lockdown let’s hope we can have some kind of Christmas?
X
Yes, I agree I would never, ever stop wearing my wedding ring, I still consider myself married too and I hate the word widow. My ring makes me still feel close to my husband and I also wear a diamond and sapphire ring which my hubby brought me for our 25th anniversary, I wear it every day.
Hello, Janmezzo.
Your comment about people being able to spell your surname made me smile so that can’t be bad. Very few can either spell or pronounce my married name but that gives me the opportunity to bring up the subject of how I like to be addressed and, therefore, regarded.
God bless.
I do want to keep my maiden name alive as where I come from there are no more of us. My father had two brothers and they had daughters. He also had two sisters and they had sons who had their fathers’ surnames. I’m an only child so in my generation the name has been lost. Our son has taken part of his wife’s name so that her grandfather’s name is not lost and our grandchildren have that name.
It took 36 years for Gary to put a wedding ring on my finger. He asked me every year to marry him and I always said no as I thought it may change things because I did not want to risk any thing that could possibly change the status quo - as we had something so special. But after 36 years I agreed and we got married with just our two children as witnesses. We did not tell anyone - I did not change my name and I refused to acknowledge the wedding day as an anniversary. That special day was reserved for the day we first kissed - that was our anniversary and it always will be. So whilst being married made it easier legally - it made no difference to us. I know though it was something he always wanted. So I will be married to him for ever and the ring stays on.
Even the ring is not conventional - for we never conformed. Forty years together - four of those married in law - but really married for all forty.
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I wear my ring always and I also wear Ron’s. I touch his ring whenever I feel lonely or sad. I could not take my rings off.
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Trisha
What a lovely story and thank you for sharing it with us. What a true love story. Of course our rings stay on. I have never considered taking mine off. Its unthinkable. I wear mine, his and my mothers was given to me also. I am his wife and will remain so. I told Brian I would like to renew our wedding vows and Brian being a no fuss, practical person simply said. “Why, were already married”. He didn’t understand. I didn’t bring it up again but wish I had.
Pat
xxx
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We were married 45 years and on 30th and 40th anniversaries we renewed our rings. We chose special places to exchange. When my husband passed away I took off my ring, placed it with his into a little box. Both will now to be buried with our ashes. I now wear the one we exchanged on our 30th and my daughter wears her Dad’s. As for my name, why would I revert to my maiden name or change my status, I’m still married and the only time ‘widow’ has been applied was at hospital and my next of kin became my daughter 
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That’s lovely!
Being a classicist as well as a singer I thought I would consider the Latin adjective viduus. Applied to a man it can mean widower and as vidua for a woman is therefore a widow. The word, however, means bereft, bereaved, deprived, unsupported and even destitute. That’s perhaps why I don’t mind being called a widow. It signifies to others that I am a married woman but my husband is no longer living. I’m not, however, fair game and at the moment not a merry one.
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Pat
I am glad your Brian didn’t renew your vows
I know so many people that had a renewal and then… divorce/separation happened
Sadie x
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My husband died suddenly in his sleep at the beginning of February. I wear his wedding ring next to mine. (he had such slim fingers) and I wear his gold chain around my neck which I bought for him one birthday. I wear them because he was so attached to both pieces of jewlery. He only ever took them off when he was having his scans for his cancer. Like you I tend to touch both the ring and the chain several times a day. It comforts me a little to think that they were next to his skin and now they are next to mine.
I also consider myself still a married woman. So when I have to fill out forms where the options are Single, Married or Widowed I always tick married because no one has unmarried me.
I sometimes feel that telling someone how I feel makes them uncomfortable and they might think I’m a bit dotty but knowing that others can relate to my feelings has really comforted me. I’m still waiting to hear from Cruse. It’s been 8 weeks since they registered me but I know I’m not the only one going through this hell so I have to be patient.
So thank you Jen for sharing your thoughts. I don’t feel so alone.
Take care
Ellie
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Hi Ellie
I have been listening to books on grief and loss at Audible - they have been most helpful to me! My Jack died 2 years ago and maybe I was more responsive to the books than I would have been earlier on
Regarding Christmas plan plan plan - that is my moto! Because I know that without a plan I find it all difficult
Sadie x
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Plan, plan, plan…exactly how I deal with life…I even have a spreadsheet 
I’m also flexible, so if it has to be cancelled or rescheduled, that’s absolutely fine too.
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