Oh Deb, really sending hope for your mum, how awful. Take care.
Thank you Amelies gran. I would like to join in the candle if possible but donāt know where I will be. In my house I wanted to light a candle for my husband already but he has set up all this home automation with wired in smoke detectors that turn off the electric if they detect smoke and I donāt know how to turn them off.
If I can figure it out though would like to join as it is also my husbandās birthday. Thatās why we had the party each year to mark his birthday as well as Christmas.
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Thank you amelie_sgran. xx
Thank you Fleur De Lis. xx
Dear Country Girl
I know what you are saying and I fully understand the āno children syndromeā. BUT I was definitely in the same place as youā¦no decorations, no celebration and I desperately wanted to detach myself from Christmasā¦this sounds completely weird but during the last three days I have felt my dear Gerry telling me to decorate the house. I canāt explain it. !! Last year Christmas didnāt happen for us because we were both living at the hospice and I had no intention of celebrating at all. Gerry loved Christmas decorations and it feels like I should be decorating even though it will just be for me. I still want to be on my own on Christmas Day with wonderful memories but I know I will not be alone 
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Iām with you, Herb dear. Cheers! Ann x
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Just to add to the communal dread of Christmas. Iāve decided lām not doing presents at all, not just because l donāt want to shop but more because l donāt want to unwrap anything either. We both really loved Christmas and l absolutely loved doing Christmas dinner, but this year itās just a day to get through. Last year wasnāt great really because he was recovering from chemo and radiotherapy but at least l had him. We had planned a special one this year. Xx
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Yes, i can fully understand that your husband is talking to you because I have had some very strange things happen to me recently which makes me realise that my hubby is close by and looking out for me. I have changed my thinking slightly about Christmas now, I may cook myself a nice lunch or dinner and I will put up a few fairy lights etc. But no decorations. If your hubby loved Christmas as you say then I am sure he would want you to carry on as normal as possible, but of course itās going to be very difficult for us all. Take care and best wishes to you x
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Dear Kay, how well I understand not wanting to unwrap anything. David and I didnāt bother much about presents at the best of times. They were not what Christmas was about for us. Neither of us wanted āthingsā but he always gave me my favourite perfume and the same little diary for my bag. I would usually manage to find something he would enjoy as a surprise, that I knew he would use but it was just the joy of the day, the fire crackling, carols, church, candles etc. we loved. There were one or two gifts from other people, which made the bottom of the tree look pretty and we unwrapped them after lunch, together with our ones to each other. No, I donāt want to do do it - canāt do it. I had to take myself out of our church Zoom service this morning because it all became too painful. Thank Goodness it was Zoom so it was just a matter of quietly switching myself off. If only life were always so simple.
All you can do is what feels right for you - not that anything will feel right for any of us but I just hope we are all allowed to do as we think best. I believe the strength will be given to us. God bless.
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I am terrified of Christmas. My darling wife of fifty years was taken from by cancer in July and I have wept every day since. How can I possibly survive Christmas on my own with our dog? I think shall try to ignore it and treat it like any other horrible post-Gill day. A large candle perhaps on Christmas Eve as someone else suggested ā may be she might be able to see it. I wish I knew how she is getting along.
Love to you all, Silly old Fool.
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Dear Peter you are not a silly old fool we all feel the same as christmas draws nearer . Itās also my first christmas without ed who passed in July from lung cancer and pneumonia .I wasnāt going to bother with any tree or decorations etc but ed loved christmas so iāve decided iām going ahead with putting up the tree and lots of lights . Iām also going to light a candle for him on xmas eve put some nice music on and just sit and think of him . Iāll probably talk to him as well and ask him to draw near to me and his much loved cats . Iām dreading xmas day but iām spending it with my sister and brother and that will help me get through it hopefully . I was feeling a bit better but the last few days have been worse once again on the never -ending rollercoaster of grief . Love to you and your dog and everyone else on this site Debbie x
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Oh Peter. My heart goes out to you. 50 years is such a long time to spend with the love of your life. You are not being silly as we all feel the same. I lost my husband in February and it still hurts so much and like you Christmas just seems unbearable. Every one of us is dreading it so you are not alone. Keep in touch with us all and I am sending massive hugs Shona xx
Thankyou Debbie,
Wishing you a peaceful Christmas I would not sa Merry he can we.
I lost my Husband and n February after 54 years and like us all dreading the festive season.
I cannot think if I am going to decorate for Christmas,I am going to my Sons so hopefully I wonāt look stupid if I break I have to remember he lost his Dad.
Virtual Hugs to you all on here,
Xxx
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Thinking about all of you. Peter you are not a fool at all! Do you have any idea of what your beloved wife Gill would want you to do? Me and my husband Gerry who died in May used to put up our decorations. I am on my own with our 8 cats, lucky for me I can go to my sister and brother in law on Xmas day. I am going to light a candle at 7pm Xmas eve like a lot of us on here are doing. Here in Liverpool a lot of people put up decorations early, and my nieces already have them up to try and cheer themselves up after the lousy year we have all had. So I will put ours up probably early December. Something strange happened last year. I had a pottery Mexican tree of life candle holder, which Gerryās dad hated. He lived with us and I told him that when he was 100 he could smash it up if he wanted to. Sadly he died many years ago but he would have been 100 last October. When we put up some tinsel on it last Xmas, our youngest cat Stanley climbed up after the tinselā¦ and smashed the candle holder! I hope your dog is keeping well Peter, she will be relying on you now. Take care of yourself and sorry about this ramble! Xx
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Hi Peterāthis will be the first Christmas without our loved ones for many of us on this forum including me as David also passed from cancer in July There is strength in numbers and as well as lighting the candle on Christmas Eve Iām sure a lot of us will be on the forum on Christmas Day and we can all have a chat. I have a lovely Labrador called Connie and she will be wanting some Christmas Lunch as will your Flora I imagineāLabradors and beagles love their food ! Take Care x
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Hi @Trac, just to say that I echo your comment that some (many?) of us will be here on a difficult and lonely Christmas Day.
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Dear Peter,
From one silly old fool to another? No, we are NOT silly to have loved and been loved so devotedly that right now, our whole world is in pieces. How could it not be?
Would any of us say that we wish we had never met, never loved, never been loved? This pain is the price and itās worth it. Every time I look at Davidās photographs, smiling at me with his beautiful smile (everyone remarked on it) or I see him in my mind, turning his head to look at me, my heart lurches and sometimes the sobbing just starts and wonāt stop. In those times I have a mantra. I tell myself that this is my last gift to him. I am suffering this so that he will never have to. He will never have to wake up in a silent, empty house. He will never have to endure days without meaning and long evenings in solitary, aching sorrow. I would have died, gladly, in his place because he was so active and had so many plans, so much he wanted to do. Instead, I have been given something even greater than the chance to die for him. It is my task to live for him, to suffer instead of him. When I think of his anguish had I gone first, it helps me to accept the wrenching, twisting feeling and the painful sobs.
Cry your tears. They are a healing testament to your love. If we had not loved and been loved there would be nothing to cry about. Some people have never known love as we know it. I hate the pain but would not swap it for the nothing that is the sad lot of so many. Your dear wife knows no more pain or fear. If you can, be glad for her. This strategy helps me and is my companion on this long, sorrowful journey. God bless you and all of us on this site.
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Prof, your post was so beautiful I will keep reading it. Thankyou. I hope we can all find some comfort somehow from this misery.
Dear Peter
It is 18 months since I lost my lovely husband so this will be my second Christmas without him. This time last year I remember dreading the thought of Christmas and worried and fretted about how I would manage. I did manage though and wrote this - I hope it will help others facing Christmas for the first time this year. And yes I do still miss him every day.
Waking at 4.30 this morning - I realised that the day I have been dreading for weeks is here and that in reality it feels no different to any other day. It is just a day with a label on and I miss my lovely husband the same today as I did yesterday and every day - it does not hurt more - it hurts the same. Yes there will be poignant moments throughout the day and we are doing it all differently, but equally I get those same moments if I am just out shopping or driving. I loved him with all my heart and still do - but I am not going to be scared of these labels anymore - so I will get through all the other āspecial daysā too. I wish you all a peaceful day - hold your memories close, believe they are with you and feel the warmth of their love and remember it is just another day. xxx
And the candles are a wonderful idea xx
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Hi Alston -I love your Labrador picture --it that your dog ? We will all support each other on this site on Christmas Day just like we do already. There are a few of us that lost our partners in July --the time seems to have gone so quickly in some ways but in other ways so slow. Still taking one day at a time x
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