Another day on this awful rollercoaster of grief. Hope everyone is doing OK. x
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Hi . I hate bank holidays now . They seem to go on forever . Not that we did anything special . But we did nothing together . Your so right about a rollercoaster . One minute I can feel like . Ok this is my life now I must just try and make the best of it . Then the next minute I just donât want to be here anymore . But itâs another day to get through best we can . Hope you manage to get through today . And letâs hope we all find at least one thing to smile at today . Thinking of you xtake carex
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@Broken2222 I can certainly relate. I just wish there was a button that switched off emotions and loneliness. Like you , I have moments when I need to move forward a step and try to be positive. The next moment Iâm in pieces and struggling. I know we are all the same reading the posts but it just seems never ending. Yesterday I was feeling ok knowing I got back to Cyprus on Thursday and making plans in what I need to deal with once Iâm back.
It really knocked me back this morning when my daughter was leaving with my grandson to go to one of her husbandâs family picnics. She said âdonât know what time we will be back but enjoy your dayâ. That hurt!! Thinking of you too. Big hugs x
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Hi that must be awfull for you . I donât know if people just donât understand or donât want to understand . How are you suppose to enjoy your day . We donât really enjoy anything now . And being left on your own doesnât help . Especially when you only have a few days left there with your family . I just hope when you get home . You will have more and better support from friends there . And of course you will feel closer to your husband . But donât forget about the support and help you get from friends on this site now . Iâm about to go for food shopping with my granddaughter . I think she is sick of me just handing her money for her tea. Instead of cooking something . I know I must get a grip and try and live . But itâs so hard when you only want your happy life back . Maybe chat later . Xtake carex
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@Broken2222 I just donât get it. Of course we want our families to get on with their own lives. I wouldnât wish this on anyone. I suppose with the lack of support from my daughter, I shouldnât have expected too much but it would have been nice and appreciated if she had made the effort to spend at least a couple of hours with me before I go back. She has made a comment that she understands how I feel but I seriously donât think she has a clue or she would try and make some sort of effort. At this moment in time I really am struggling with it all. I know that when I get back to Cyprus I will have better support as two of my friends have been through bereavement themselves so they will have an understanding. It will be nice just to go out for coffee with them and have someone to talk to.
I will definitely keep posting and supporting people on this group. If has been a life line and I so want to know how members are coping with this awful situation. Take care. x
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Hi there
I am so pleased you are returning to Cyprus and feel it will be the right thing to do.
Your daughters attitude to your loss is appaling but my daughter can beat yours. She did come from her home abroad and was supportive for a few weeks, she then returned but didnât bother to let me know and apart from asking me to send her money I have never heard from her since, nearly three years. My husband was also not her father but they was very close. My husbands own daughters havenât been in touch since the funeral. We was all so close so it really hurt but not any longer as I have become independent and donât need any of them now.
So build your life again and become the independent lady you once was and let her see you donât need her.
Easy for me to say you might think as I am in my third year but we do learn to live a life, to smile and laugh again although you probably wonât think so now.
Pat
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@Pattidot Hi Pat, Iâm grateful that you posted. Honestly, I thought It was me that had made my daughter react like she has. When she and her husband came over to Cyprus after my husbandâs passed they persuaded me to come back and they would support me and get me through the bad days. It seems they either donât understand what it like to loose someone that was such a big part of our lives or they have now realized that I am a hinderence in their every day lives. I really canât understand why they just think Iâve had enough time and I should make more of an effort to get on with life. My husband was part of my life for 25 years and how they expect me to erase that is seriously beyond me. Returning to Cyprus really is what I need as I canât see a way forward staying here with them.
How shocking that your own daughter and your late husbandâs children havenât continued to support you. To actually ask for money shows where their priorities lie. How sad and not easy to deal with. Like you, I was always the independent one and I do intend to rebuild my life and make my husband proud. I know it is what he would have wanted. I will always love my husband deeply but I will learn at some point to live a different life without him and I will learn to smile and laugh again. One step at a time but I am determined to do it in his memory. Lots of love and a big hug to you. xx
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Hi . I must be so lucky with my adult kids . They are always here for me . Maybe a bit to much . After reading your posts . Itâs unbelievable how they are treating you. My mam died when both her and my dad was 59 . I was 23 at the time . I was always there for my dad . Even though at the time I didnât understand how hard it was for him . I know now . He ended up living with us when he was older and was poorly . He died when he was 82 . It was hard work for both me and husband . But I never regretted one moment of it . And would of done it again . I have said since my hubby died I donât want to be a burden on my kids . But it doesnât mean I donât need my kids to care about me . I am so sorry that your kids are not supportive to you . All I can say is try and not let it bother you and try and make the best life you can without your partners . I know itâs easy for me to say that . But I do feel for youâs thinking of you both and sending big hugs xtake carex
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@Broken2222 Thank you for your kind words, they really mean a lot. Your dad was a lucky to have such a loving and caring daughter. Nearly 5 months on since I lost my husband and it really feels that I am going backwards due to this situation. It really has broken my heart. I canât think why she had been so unsupportive when we had a very close and loving mother/daughter relationship before. It hurts that my husband would feel so let down by her behaviour. I donât know if the damage done is repairable but I am not going to dwell on it. I know my husband would want me to move on and I will. You take care and big hugs to you. xx
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Hi maybe . Hopefully . When you are back in Cyprus , your daughter might realise how she has been . And you both can get the bond back . A mother and daughter should have . Especially now . Thatâs all you can do . Wait and see . But in the mean time make sure you look after yourself . You come first now . Hug back . Xtake carex
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Thankyou Pattidot if you can find light at the end of the tunnel maybe I will too.
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We all have to believe. Itâs hard when you are on this emotional rollercoaster of grief but we cannot give up as hard as it is. Our loved ones would want us to get to a better place as we would want them too if it had been us. xx
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@Heartbroken2022, its nearly 7 months since my husband died and like you I feel as if Iâm going backwards too. I am fortunate to have two supportive daughters however we do try and hide our emotions from each other to âprotectâ eachother. I donât know your full circumstances but we had to sit and have a heart to heart with lots of tears and a bit of anger it helped and has made us closer. Sometimes distances ourselves and being thoughtless is a personâs way of trying to deal with their own grief. I know it doesnât make your situation any better but itâs just a thought. Take care x
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@Griff Iâm so sorry for your loss. It really is a daily struggle isnât it. One day we think we are coping and the next day we crash. Absolutely nothing can prepare us for this awful journey of grief.
Itâs good to know you have supportive daughterâs and you can offload together when you need to. Sadly, my daughterâs attitude and lack of support
has caused so much heartache. I have tried to find reasons for it and have tried to open up to her a d ask her how she is coping but to her it is just something we donât need to talk about or deal with. I think it is just something I am going to have to accept as I canât change the situation as much as I try. You take care too. x
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@Griff, you took the words right out of my mouth. Thatâs exactly what me, my son and daughter have been doing for th, e past 21 months, protecting each otherâs feelings by simply not talking about our loss. We still havenât been able to really confront each other and cry together, except on a couple of occasions where I actually suddenly exploded,but it was just all forgotten in minutes, as if we just canât face this discussion, just too painful.
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Hi . I try and do the same , protect my kids and grandkids . We talk about there dad all the time . But I have sort of built up a protected wall in front of me . But sometimes it does come crashing down in front of them . I just want them to have a happy life like we did , and not feel like they have to worry about me . I pour my heart out on this site and get a lot of help and support here . I donât know if Iâm doing right or wrong . But itâs how I feel . The only one who could possibly know if I am doing things right or wrong was my husband . He was our strength and problem solver . We all miss and love him so much .thinking of you all . Sending hugs xtake carex
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Thinking of you too. Sending hugs back
xx
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Exactly @Broken2222, thatâs the way I feel too. My husband was also our problem solver and strength, I would always tell him that whatever he decided to do in difficult situations, I could count on the fact that it was definitely the right decision and I felt reassured with that, and in fact he was always right, everything always worked out in the end. What will we do now?
I canât even handle having to sell his car, itâs not just the emotional factor, I just canât cope with dealing with all the hassle.
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Hi , yes how do we do things without them . I still havenât sorted all husbands paperwork out and itâs almost a year . Iâm not interested in the money . Even though itâs his money . Luckily son sorted my husbands car for me . He advertised it and was sold the next day . It was heartbreaking to see it go . And I dread incase I see it on the road . I hate having to do all this stuff . Itâs like Iâm losing him a bit more each time . Sending hug xtake carex
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Yes, in fact, I ve waited 21 months before deciding that I really should sell his car, so as not to leave it wasting away parked outside in our backyard. Like you, I hate to part with it because he adored this car and it wil be like letting him go even more.
Wishing you a good night.
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