Hi
Yes, I do think that family and even friends can find a grieving person hard work and want them to return to how they used to be. But it doesn’t work like that. We have to find our own way through the fog of grief, we have to search for that light. I don’t think any of us who loved so much will ever forget but we will learn to live again.
Fortunately I do have family that have been supportive although I don’t see them that often now. I think my dogs have given me more love than anyone else.
Pat
4 Likes
Hi Nigel
How are you getting on and I hope you have been working on your smallholding and keeping busy.
We do find the light but it is only a little at a time and unfortunately it does dim from time to time. I can still have bad days but they are less frequent now. I think it is a case of adapting but our lives will probably never be the same and it’s no good wishing for something that can’t happen.
I have started baking again and making chutney and jam. But this is something I never thought I would want to do again. Perhaps it is called moving forward !!!
Pat xx
3 Likes
@Pattidot Hi Pat, I think it is definitely a case of
until you go through it, nobody can understand. Nothing can prepare you for the emotional turmoil. The sleepless nights, not eating properly, the loneliness coping without our loved ones, the feelings of totally despair and worrying about a future on our own is hard to explain to anyone and I totally agree with your comment that they just want us to return to how they were. If we could, we would but we can’t. Life is never going to be the same for any of us. x
3 Likes
Hi every word you have said is so true . We can never be the person we were . Ever. It was our partners that helped make us that person . With the love and life we shared with them . We will always have a part missing now . The biggest part . Thinking of you xtake carex
2 Likes
Hi Pattidot thanks for asking. I’m not too bad most of the time.I still have loads of tears but I’ve joined a craft group locally and hope to join a spnning group too. With winter coming I’ve loads of logs to get in under cover. Log fires will be a challenge as we used to cuddle up in front of it.
Love
Nigel xx
2 Likes
@Broken2222 It just doesn’t seem to get easier does it. Every waking hour I think of Michael and so want more time with him. It hurts seeing couples getting on with their everyday lives knowing we will never have that love and togetherness again. Our lives have changed forever and trying to deal with everything is the hardest journey none of us want. Hope you are doing ok. Love and hugs to you. x
3 Likes
Hi no nothing is easy or even nice now . I just want my happy life back . We should of still had years together . It’s almost a year and I still can’t sleep properly . Still don’t eat a lot . Some days I don’t even bother eating . The cigs and coffee just seem to keep me going . I am back in work tomorrow just training on new tills /computers . But I’m so dreading it . Everyone will be talking about there holidays and what they have done or where they have been . With there partners . What I don’t begrudge one bit . They should be cherishing the time with them . But what do I actually say . Nothing . But what can we do . One foot in front of other . Day at a time . Hope tomorrows not to stressful for you . And keep in touch with us . I think we are all friends on here now . Because we understand how it feels . Thinking of you . Sending love and hugs . Xtake carex
3 Likes
@Broken2222 I really can relate although it’s only been 5 months for me. In the initial days and weeks I was on my own in Cyprus and I physically couldn’t eat. My weight is usually around 8 stone but went down to 6s 4 Oz. I looked skeletal and it frightened me that I was literally fading away. Since being in the UK I am now 7s and I think it’s because I have company at meal times. I am literally going to have to force myself to look after my health in the future. Like you coffee and cigs have become my best friend. Yes, definitely one foot in front of the other and hopefully we will get to a better place. Doesn’t feel like that at the moment though. Thank you for your good wishes for tomorrow. So much appreciated. Filled with dread but I know it is the best thing for me. The house is going to be a lonely place but I want to be in a familiar place with my memories of my husband and I need to visit him and tell him how much I love and miss him. It’s so hard being so far away from him and I feel that I have let him down .
Will definitely be keeping in touch with the group. I really don’t know how I would have coped without the support of members here. At least we can offload when needed and members know where we are coming from and understand. Please take care of yourself and try and eat. I know it’s hard but you really do need to take more care of yourself. Sending you love and hugs. xx
2 Likes
You need to look after yourself as well . Hopefully when you get home . You will find some comfort there . And it will feel like home again . Being closer to your husband . Safe journey . Sending love and hugs . Xtake carex XXX
3 Likes
I joined this very sad group back in January after loosing
My partner, it’s kept me going reading all your letters, I wish their was an answer to all this sorrow, like everyone else I’m finding it very difficult, how do you go forward, I try to be positive, plan my day, I’ve joined various activities, but it’s not working, I just want him back. I was very brave recently to travel on my own to go and see my grandchildren who live in Austria, we use to go and see them twice a year, everywhere we went while I was there , all I kept thinking was it wasn’t the same without him being with me. To share the experience. Now I’m home it’s so quiet. I have his photos everywhere and talk to him all the time. I’m now thinking it might be better if took all the photos away, so that it doesn’t remind me of what I’ve lost. Help
Maz
5 Likes
Hi. I also try to be positive.but it doesn’t last long. Almost a year since my happy life ended. I just need and want my husband back . I know that’s impossible . Life now is so wrong . I don’t know who I am anymore . My home is now just a house . I know he would be telling me to find a new life a different life . But it’s so hard when WE were the only life I knew . Sorry but I don’t know how to move forward . I only have one picture of him in sitting room . What I look at all the time . And one in bedroom so when I wake if I actually sleep . He is the first thing I see . Smiling at me . Sorry for your loss . And how you are feeling . We just have to take one day at a time . And hope it gets easier for all of us . Sending a hug … xtake carex
4 Likes
It may sound strange but I think now it’s an advantage that my eyesight is not as good as it was, so I can’t see the photos very clearly unless I put on my reading glasses. We used to tease each other about how both of us had gone through the typical ‘over 40’ eyesight deterioration, oh how I miss all that joking and teasing. I’ve had lots of photos printed but Ive only displayed a few, in my bedroom and kids’ rooms, still too painful to look at. I start screaming and literally pulling my hair out if I look at them for too long.
3 Likes
I am reading your post & my heart breaks for you. My husband passed away in April this year. It was a 2nd marriage for us both. I thought my stepdaughters were close as I did so much to keep us a solid family unit. Since the funeral I’ve had very little communication & find myself messaging them just to see how they are coping. They had a get together at the bank holiday with the grandchildren but I wasn’t invited. It broke my heart. Tomorrow will be my husband’s internment which I’ve had to arrange without their help. I feel I have not only lost my husband but his family too. I can only think that they are dealing with their own grief in their own way & perhaps I am a painful reminder. To all those who truly understand the emptiness & loneliness thank you for coming on this site & sharing. My thoughts are with you. Hold tight & God bless. xx
3 Likes
Hello, know exactly what you mean. Saturday was a good day, because I was busy, but today walking my dog alone with my thoughts, found myself on that roller-coaster of grief and pain again and couldn’t stop crying. It’s just totally draining feeling like this. The only thing you need in the world is that person that’s gone, and knowing that I can’t change that is unbearable some days. Some days just wish I could be with her, because I know this feeling with never really go away. Hope there are some of you today out there who are having a better day .
3 Likes
I’m having a few issues with my step grandchildren too. The eldest travelled several times to the hospital to see my wife before she died, He drove passed my home to get there but didn’t call in to take me with him. I’ve had a stroke and no longer drive. I’ve been his grandpa all his life, I don’t understand the cruelty.
All I can say is we’re your family now, sending love xx
2 Likes
Am sorry that you are not getting much support from your daughter, I lost my mum last year and am still struggling to cope with life without her.
I hope that eventually your daughter will support you through this.
We were so close, some days even now after a year I still just can’t stop crying, because as old as I am I still just need my mum. Take care x
3 Likes
Hi heartbroken , hope you arrived safely . And you found some peace and comfort at home . Also hope you connected with your friends there . Thinking of you xtake carex
1 Like
Hi Broken
This has been another bad day, I think it was after watching all the sympathy for the Queen
From hundreds of people who didn’t really know her, not in the way of a husband or partner. She dedicated her whole life to serving the people, how many people would do that.
I was beginning to say if only I could remember how my John spoke, when after sorting out some more things I found an old movie camera which was a present to me 25years ago for my birthday, we used it when we went on our first cruise, I don’t remember what was on it, my son came to me to sign some papers, and he fixed the camera up to play the tapes on the tv, I sat all afternoon to watch three tapes of this holiday, It was wonderful to see us looking happy healthy having a great time, and especially to hear his voice. I thought I would have been sad but I wasn’t which surprised me. I know it was 25years ago. But that’s the best I’ve felt since Christmas when John passed.
I hope you have some better days soon.
I count the good days which are few at the moment.
Take care my thoughts are with you.
5 Likes
Hi . It hasn’t been a good week for me , it was a year yesterday since my husband died . I really don’t know how I have survived a year without him . All the stuff on telly and sad songs on radio this week for Queen . Has also made me feel worse . And my first week back at work after the school holidays is always a killer . I have been knackered every day . … sorry you have struggled as well . But glad you found some comfort in watching your tapes . I have a few tapes I have watched them once they made me laugh and cry at the same time . But I’m glad I have them . To me they are better than a photo . Because it’s husband alive and happy and talking . Let’s hope we all on this site have better days soon . Thinking of you xtake carex
3 Likes