Husband died suddenly and unexpectedly.

Hi, my 48 yr old husband died at the end of July one week after his birthday when we were away for a weekend break in Wales. Totally devastated. Finding this really hard to cope with emotionally. Just so very sad. I am off work at the moment and comments are starting about when am I thinking about going back into work. I just dont feel emotionally strong enough and feel like nobody can possibly understand this.
Im a very independant person and so do feel like I can cope with the practical ‘doing’ things, but cant cope with the overwhelming sadness. Just cant comprehend the rest of my life without him. I have two teenage daughters and a teenage step daughter all of which add complications. Im struggling to talk about all of this.

Trying this forum to see if reaching out to other people in similar situations may help me.

Hi Mojo.
I’m not really in a similar situation to you. My wife died in August but it was expected, although nothing in life had really prepared me for it. I took very early retirement but I’ve reached a point now where maybe going to work wouldn’t be that bad a thing as it would give me some sort of purpose.
I hope you will get replies from people who have much more relevant experience. In the meanwhile you should be able to find many relevant threads on the forum which will resonate with you.
My advice would be to avoid looking too far into the future as it’s a scary place for all sorts of reasons and it probably will not look anything like you imagine when we get there.

Hi mojo sorry for your loss I lost my partner in May suddenly he was only 48. All I can say is take one day at a time and get lots of support . People asked me when was I going back to work which I thought was an odd thing to say. Unfortunately grief is the hardest things we have to deal with this forum has helped me and I hope it helps you too.
Take care
Christine x

Dear Mojo, I am so sorry for your loss, it must have been an awful shock to lose your dear husband so suddenly and unexpectedly. Its still very early days for you. My dear husband died 12 months ago, he had been ill, underwent massive surgery and had a very positive outcome and was doing really well. We were totally shocked when he died suddenly and unexpectedly.
I agree, it is really hard to find someone to talk to about all of this, you don’t want to keep upsetting your family with your sadness. I found counselling helped me, and I’m wondering if you have thought about this?
I think you will know if, and when, you want to return to work, if you don’t feel emotionally strong enough, then its likely to be too soon for you.
Take care of yourself if you can, try to get some support ~
Reaching out on this forum is a very good step forward, I have found it has helped me greatly to be able to let my feelings out and to know someone is listening who truly understands.
Elaine x

Hi Elaine, thank you for your kind words and sharing your exprience.
I have been referred for some counselling by my occupational health nurse. Im not great talking about my feelings with friends and family and so Im going to give the counselling a try. Im struggling with the shear loss of him and the events of the night that he died. Also full of regret for not appreciating him more which is making me feel guilt. Ive learned a horrible lesson that we should never take anything for granted as it can be taken away so suddenly and without warning. Life is so cruel and unfair. X

Dear Mojo, I think you will find the counselling very helpful. I honestly began to look forward to my meetings once I got to know the Counsellor, she was so kind and helpful.
I know what you mean about struggling with the loss, its devastating, I do think its very early days for you.
I think we all have regrets for not realising just how lucky we were to have that special someone in our lives, I definitely do. I think life is so busy at times, we all do the very best we can; you mentioned you worked and have teenagers ~ you sometimes don’t have enough hours in the day.
Thinking of you and please be kind to yourself ~ Elaine x

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago very suddenlyand I feel so lost, the funeral was on Thursday past, I am finding it very hard to except he has gone. I’m trying to keep busy but today I woke up feeling very down. He was my best friend, soulmate, my life. I don’t know how I am going to carry on without him and what to do without him

Dear Mojo . I understand how you feel . My husband Mark collapsed suddenly and unexpectedly from a cardiac arrest at the end of July at home . We managed to get him to critical care but he died 3 days later . The events of that morning are etched in my mind . One minute we were chatting happily the next he had collapsed unconscious and I was doing CPR waiting for the paramedics and air ambulance . He was 60 and hadn’t been ill at all . We have three daughters from 21-30 and we are all devastated , I have started bereavement counselling . It all feels so unreal and tonight I am feeling really sad . Sending you hugs . Romy xxx

Hi Angie, so sorry to hear about your very recent loss. I cant believe that 4 months have passed since I lost my Chris. To me it feels like time has stood still. Each morning waking up without him is unbearable.
Thats all you can do is carry on each day to get through this. If I didnt have my daughters I think I would just stayed in bed and waste away. But I have to carry on for them.
You will get through this, as I have so far, but I know the pain that you are feeling is the worst we will ever go through.
Just take each day at a time. X

Hi Romy, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. The trauma of those events must be etched in your mind as mine are with me. They are all too vivid as if happened yesterday.
My husband felt ill during the night and I just new it was something serious, i decided to get an ambulance but he pleaded with me not to so as to not make a fuss. Im so glad I followed my gut feeling as it was the first stages of a heart attack. He wasnt having any chest pains at this stage, even when the paramedics arrived and were assessing him. It was only when they got him in the ambulance it took hold of him. We were 25 mins away from the nearest hospital with a cardiac unit. His blood pressure was very low and so they couldnt give him any painkiller. So for 25 mins to the hospital I saw my poor love in terrible pain. He went into cardiac arrest just as we arrived outside A&E and a nurse gave him cpr. I was frozen to the seat in the ambulance in total shock. They brought him back and the cardiac specialists worked on him whilst i was taken to the relaitives room. I was told that things didnt look good, on my own and a nurse kept coming in to update me as they worked on Chris until the whole team came into the room and then I knew he had gone. Im totally devastated.
Romy you were so brave, to have gotten through that and performing cpr to keep him alive. You have to keep in your heart that you did everything you could do and more, faced with that situation. Like you said it feels so unreal. For me it was like watching a horrible film unfold before my eyes and now I am just left with intense sadness. It is unbearable, just miss him so much. We should have grown old together.
X

Thank you for your kind words Elaine. I have realised that everyone on here are all in the same boat and so all say the right thing because they have experienced similar things. Your understanding is so comforting as hard as my friends and family try, nobody seems to say the right thing or tries to avoid saying anything.
So thank you x

Hi Mojo . Your description of what happened that night brought it all back to me and I am so sorry about what you have been through. The air ambulance doctors brought my husband back after working on him for quite a while at home and then he went by road to the hospital where he had two stents fitted before going to critical care . That was the Friday . He remained either unconscious or sedated all the time he was in hospital so we did not get to speak to him . We had hoped he might have survived but over the next three days he went into cardiac arrest once a day . A preliminary brain scan on the last day showed that he had suffered significant brain damage probably from the initial collapse . He was a dynamic full of fun business man loved dearly by us all but he would have hated to have lived like that . His heart and brain had suffered so much damage over the previous three days we all agreed we had to let him go . He could not have have coped being a shell of his former self even if they had managed against all the odds to have brought him back for what would have been the fourth or fifth cardiac arrest in the three or four days since the first massive one . I spoke to the consultant in the critical care unit while I was in shock telling him that I had done my best to help him when it happened at home . He assured me that I could not have done any more and described my husband as a ‘ticking time bomb’ because he had two 80% blockages and one 50% blockage to the heart . He drew a diagram to show where the stents had been placed . If he had survived they would have given him a heart bypass . Me and you both followed our gut to help our husbands have the best chance under catastrophic circumstances. We weren’t successful ultimately and it is very hard to come to terms with that but the shock of the events are like an extra layer on top of missing them to deal with . I think we are doing well to have come this far and still be standing and there for our daughters . Sharing on this forum has helped me a lot . There are some lovely understanding people who all know what it’s like to be grief stricken but surviving . I have started to see a bereavement counsellor at the hospital where Mark died and the first session helped a lot just unburdening myself to a sympathetic stranger . It might help you too . We also have a family business of which I am now a director so I have had no choice other than to be in work . That helps too because if I am not busy I become even more maudlin . Anyway I just want you to know that my thoughts are with you and the horrors you experienced that night and how you have felt since . It is the worst experience ever and feels unbearable at times . That’s when I cry and then come on here and let off steam . We can’t keep up a brave face 24/7 . Sending you and your girls understanding and hugs . Keep your chin up and post on here as and when necessary. We are all here for each other , Lots of love Romy xxx

Hi mojo my partner also died suddenly from a heart attack. I got woken up with him making a horrible sound then he started shaking he got up out of bed and then lay on the floor. Myself and my older son gave him CPR until the paramedics arrived they took him straight to hospital my son went in the ambulance myself my younger son went with my neighbour when I arrived they told me they tried their best I thought he would be ok. He was on medication only for a couple of weeks. He was told he might need a stent and was waiting for more tests. The damage must of been worse than we thought. He was only 48 my life has changed forever and I just want my old life back. That morning is like a horror story.
Christine x

Oh Christine, life has changed forever. Facing each day without them is so hard to do. I dont feel like I am ever going to feel happy again ever. My Chris was only 48 too. We had many years ahead of us and had only been together for just over 9 years, married for just over 4. We had found each other just before turning 40 having both come from failed relationships. We were so lucky to have found each other. Had so much in common and from very similar families, we fell in love with each other very quickly, having found our sole mate. Chris was a very fit sporty man who gave his all to everything that he did. He played football, ran and cycled. Losing him has just been a terrible shock. Each day I still cant believe that he is gone.
Like you said, I just want him and my old life back. Its so devastating xx

Morning James also played football and was a hard worker. The thought of the rest of my life without him is horrible . He would do anything for anybody . If it wasn’t for my boy’s I wouldn’t want to be here. My family are getting on with there lives which I understand but I think they expect me to do the same. I just want him back.
Take care
Christine x

Hi Christine, I totally understand and know what you mean. The sense that everyone elses lives carry on regardless whilst ours has now stood still and changed forever is so hard to deal with. I would give anything to turn back the clock. Xx

My husband was 47 and died 7 weeks ago of a brain haemorrhage at work. I 2 am a very independent person but since that day I have had chronic anxiety and sleep issues. I am not planning of going back to work any time soon. I have 2 teenage boys who are struggling aswell. I feel part of me died that day. I know everyone’s journey is different but I am struggling with the fact that my husband has gone forever. There’s no time frame for what we are going through.

My husband collapsed and died 6 weeks ago. We still do not know why, there was nothing obviously wrong with him. I have two young adult children as well. I also can’t comprehend how my life can have been obliterated so suddenly without warning. Sending hugs

Jules4
I know I feel the same way… I just can’t get my head around it. Here one minute and gone the next. I’ve never had chronic anxiety but my god I have it now and have since the day it happened. I’ve not been able to do much.my doctor prescribed diazapam and zopiclone for the first 4 weeks but he wouldn’t prescribed it any longer. I hope you are coping. Feel free to message me any time. If you are under 51 you can pay £25 a year and join way(widowed and young) they have a private Facebook page if you join you will be sent a code. You get lots of support and can vent and ask questions. They have a web page aswell you can get advice support they do meet ups(which I’ve never attended) and you can message other people who are in the same situation.

Dear Suze1

My husband was killed in a road traffic accident. I had only spoken with him 3 hours earlier and he was so happy. The police answered his mobile, told me to stay where put and sent a patrol car to speed me to the hospital. Waited in relations room with police until they came in and said he had not made it. World was shattered into a million pieces that day - never to be repaired.

Like yourself have never suffered from anxiety but now cannot sleep and health issues as a result of the stress.

Had months of dealing with the police etc and preparing for Inquest.

I have been in a constant nightmare since my husband died in September and each day is a challenge.

Take care and thinking of you all.

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