My lovely husband died mid October. We had been married for 36 years.
The four weeks after he died and before his funeral I felt I was holding it together to an extent, I had so much to do, the phone never stopped ringing, so many people were coming round to see me. Now I feel like I am sinking, crying while driving, sobbing when I hear a song that meant something, I feel like going to bed, shutting myself away. Friends and family told me to ring if I needed company or anything at all but it is a special time of year and I don’t want to drag anyone down with my sadness.
I just wish he were here with me, I can’t believe I will never see him, hold him, talk to him again. I miss him so much.
The feelings & the time scale you describe are what most of us on here have sadly come to realise are the norm for what we are all going through.
I know things got a lot worse for me after the funeral & people had stopped coming & their was a lot less to do. Being on here & being able to talk with others who are in the same boat & completely understand what you are going through helps a lot x
Hi Emily6
So sorry for you, I know exactly what you are going through my husband died in August and like you I had so much to sort out I didn’t have time to think about my loss in fact I didn’t think it was real and he would walk though door any minute. But now no one calls to see how I’m coping I feel abandoned by so called friends . I to cry all the time today I was in a shop and some Christmas music was on and I just felt so sad Jim loved Xmas but this year I will be all alone. I to wish he was here to talk to and cuddle on sofa I still can’t pack his clothes up or sort his things out its to painful even his glasses are still sitting on the side.
Like the two people before me I am exactly the same. Like you misprint I cant move his clothes, and everything seems to much trouble, I hardly clean, just the essentials like bathroom and kitchen. My thoughts and love go to you all Emily6, Keskai, and Misprint. Let’s hope the new year brings us a little bit of piece.
Don’t think I will ever be able to move my lovely husbands clothes or any of his thingsI have to believe Steve is still around
I am struggling more as time goes on,stopping In the house most of the time,used to be so busy,always looking for something to do,I have no motivation to do much now,this is not what me and my husband had planned
I feel absolutely tortured day and night devastated he’s not here,crying all the time,miss him so much my heart hurts
Hoping to get a little sleep tonight but it’s doubtful my thoughts won’t settle.
Thank you for your replies. I got ready to go out and started sobbing I just can’t face it today. Apart from losing my husband in October my parents have also passed away in the last ten months. I feel like I’m sinking, I really don’t want to go on anti depressants. I know I need to get Christmas and NYE behind me and then hopefully will find the strength to move forward without Phil. We had so many plans for the future, I have to adapt them and make new plans. I feel overwhelmed but hope I can overcome my fears and summon up the courage to face the future. I know it’s what he would have wanted.
To Emily 6 thank you for your post. It is exactly my feelings, thoughts and experiences. My husband died on November 10th and I have tried to keep busy but like you and others I can almost imagine the “heart sink” feeling that friends and family must get when I contact them and no matter how supportive they are, they are not the person I lived with and loved and shared even the more mundane bits of life with. I am finding so hard the reality of him not coming back. I hate living alone. Unfortunately the Christmas and new year period makes it worse. The only words of comfort I can give is that you have found this forum to express your feelings even if you have to put a braver face to the rest of the world.
I know how you all feel I am the same I will never be able to move my husband’s belongings all just where he left them it is not getting any easier for any of us is it we all want to go to sleep and not wake up then we would not have this pain and have to deal with this new life if some one tells me this first of every thing is the worse I will dream every year will be worse I feel I am getting bitter hope we can manage our day some how xx
This is my first time on here, I to have lost my husband 5 weeks ago today. He was misdiagnosed with long COVID and eventually diagnosed with cancer in August, some 5 months after going to the doctors. He was extremely fit and I can’t come to terms with the fact he was operable one minute then palliative the next. All within 3 months of diagnosis. I like all the comments prior have no interest in life, my life ended the day Gary died, I now have an existence. I cry all the time , I wake every night between 1-2, he passed @ 1:07. Since the funeral I have hit my lowest point in my whole life and wish every night I don’t wake up the next day . I’m having panic attacks going outside , so it’s easier to stay in. I have no interest in life. His pajamas are all folded neatly in a pile but I can’t bring myself to move anything. Each day is like Groundhog day and it’s not getting better; if anything it’s getting worse.
I’m so sorry to hear your tragic loss I lost my husband 7 months ago he was also healthy them sudden stroke and it just all went horribly wrong intensive care wars took his life a long story know how you feel I also do not want to wake up and all his belongings are left in same place I feel my life has ended have adult son and daughter and two grandchildren they say I have to carry on as they can not loss me as well sending hugs xxx
Hello Sharon,So sorry for your loss Its really like living In a nightmare,nothing I say can make you feel better just want you to know me and the other people on here are going through this pain of grief as well it is a heartbreaking life now.
My husband passed away 11 weeks ago,I find it hard to leave the house,no interest in food,don’t want to cook now Steve’s not here.I am still in a state of shock hard to believe he’s not coming back,we were married nearly 52yrs first tim I ever lived on my own
Hi ,Sharon I know how you feel, we were married for 53 years, and I’ve never lived on my own. I cant be bothered cooking and when I do dont feel like eating it. It’s a vicious circle.
My Gerry has been gone 11months now and I feel I’m going worse, but it’s not a good time for us with xmas around the corner and then the new year, and then the anniversary of his passing.
Sending hugs to everyone xxx
Christine , I miss Gary so so much, my heart is broken . We have been on such a roller coaster this year. Getting diagnosed with long COVID then being told it was cancer all along, but it was operable, within a month of that being told he was palliative and expected to be here for Christmas, only to pass 3 weeks later. I can’t get any lower than I am at the moment.
I to feel safer in the house but hate being in the house, it’s a no win situation. I cry all day every day. Gary was 58 and extremely fit, he climbed mountains, cycled, did loads of water sports, that’s why I can’t come to terms with what has happened. A rock and soulmate, we did everything together and like you had made plans. It was our time now having brought the 2 children up, now they are independent. My life ended the day he died
Sharon,it makes me feel so upset for all of us on here never thought there was so much sadness in the world.
When your wife/husband passes away nobody who hasn’t gone through the loss could imagine the pain grief brings its life changing,I wish I could say it gets better but for me at this time.I remain in shock never expected this to happen to my wonderful husband he loved his retirement,we had plans fir the future.
I have to keep going for my family but it’s very hard feel I can’t breathe at times
I was the same when my husband died I had so many flowers cards etc… which sometimes was a bit overwhelming. People were coming in and out all the time. Then a month after he died in August nothing as people did not really no what to say to you. We were together for 46 years and married for 44. I feel very lonely although people try to get me out but not easy. Take care hopefully Christmas will soon be over. X