SharonD12 and everyone. All your messages resonate with me so much. My husband died on 10th November and since the funeral it has all hit me much harder. I keep expecting him to still walk through the door and I just want to share all the small things of life with him: walking the dog, watching TV , meals . Not a lot to ask but all taken away. Yes this time of year is especially hard. So to you and all of us I share your pain and heartache.
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Meseaber 8th November when Gary passed. Iām heading for a breakdown, I cannot cope with this horrendous grief
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It is horrendous grief we are all going through. Try and find some comfort in the fact that we are all feeling this terrible pain, feeling sick and not wanting to go on any more. My Bill died on the 25th of August and the funeral was 22nd of September so I am a bit further down the line. Not that it makes it any easier. I used to go for a walk on my own along the river bank where we live and cried and screamed for him to be with me. It is still very hard especially this time of the year when all you see and hear is happy people. I have been having Reiki sessions which has helped. I remember when I was nursing Bill here at home the district nurse telling me that this would be the most hard, painful and difficult time I ever had to go through and she was certainly right. Like all of you all I am waiting for is to join him wherever he is. I do talk to him to the stars. Look at Christmas as just another couple of days we have to go through. The first time is always worse for everything. When I went for my Covid booster I burst into tears. The nurse asked what the matter was so I told her that 6 months ago I was here with my husband and now I am on my own. They were very kind. The next time I had to go with my autistic son, who is 40, and I was okay. We all have to try and support each other as we are the only ones that know what it really feels like to loose the love of your life! Other people tell you they know but they donāt and until it happens to them they wonāt! Try and keep strong all of you as our loved ones would not want us to be sad all the time. As hard as it is try and remember the good time and try and get out for walks. That really does help. Lots of love to all of you and take care of yourselves. Marcella x
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Jules hi ! My husband died beside me in bed eight months ago and despite my efforts to revive him he never made it. I too have said many times I wish it was me mostly for the sake of our sons and grandchildren who adored John. Of course they have told me many times not to be so silly and when I think about it rationally could he have dealt with this grief and heartache, Iām not sure 
he hated being on his own and not around people. Sadly Iām alone most of the time although I now make myself do stuff like volunteering at the local food bank and swim a couple of times a week. So summing you Iām glad heās not suffering the way I am although Iām sure he would be more use than me.
Warm hugs to everyone suffering at the moment.
Georgina
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Iām so sorry to hear this. Sadly I saw my mum go through exactly the same almost a year before you on 24th September 2020.
She is now able to make it through a few days, and is able to get out of bed, and find things to do. She has started to settle into her own company too.
It will never go away, but you will learn to survive and, maybe one day, thrive. Itās the most painful thing Iāve had to deal with watching her go through these feelings that you too are having, and not being able to do anything to help.
I absolutely see a difference in her day by day, but she doesnāt love or miss dad any less for it.
The one thing both her and my counsellor said to us was, be kind to yourself. I also read something called ārun the dishwasher twiceā, you can find it on the internet. I hope that you find your way, as we have started to, and donāt be too hard on yourself xxx
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Hi Emily,
I lost my wonderful husband in August. Itās hard to believe that despite the knowing it would come eventually because of a rare form of cancer, it still comes as a painful and shattering loss.
My lovely sons are so supportive whilst suffering their own grief. My husband was a a stoic, strong man who despite his illness and the pain he must suffered without complaint, his only thought when the time came was for me and our boys, who I know will do everything they can to be just as brave, strong, and dependable as their dad.
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Im feeling very similar. My husband also passed suddenly in october. He was 38.we have a toddler. Im teying to keep going for him but im feeling worse every day. Yesterday just sobbed all day. Todayās the same x
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Dondon81 how tragic! So young to be taken from you. My heart breaks for you. Iām in a different place to you but at the same time feel what you are going through. My husband was 65 but it was sudden after being married for 44 years. It feels like my life has ended but at the same time I must carry on for the sake of our sons and grandchildren. What should be a joyous time of year has turned into one huge slog to the end of this awful year.
Much love
Georgina
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I am same as you lowest my husband in may we was married 45 yrs only 65 was very sudden and yes some how have to find strength to carry on for family today was our anniversary it was so hard to except that he was not here life is never going to be same and Christmas is going to be very hard as it is for all on here sending hugs xx
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Oh Rose I feel your pain. Johns death was sudden as well and never had a real chance to say goodbye. As he died in my bedroom floor and his life ebbed away the paramedic said he could hear me and all I could think of saying was I would never let our grandchildren forget him. There was so much I wanted to say but it wasnāt to be. The next week will be tough I just want donāt want to spoil it for everyone else.
Oh Rose our life will never be the same we just have to deal with everything thatās thrown at us - we have no choice.
Georgina
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Hi thought I would send text hope you are all plodding on in this new life with out our partners not doing great today how you all doing not a great thought starting a new year with out our loved ones beside us how are we supposed to get through this x
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Rose,oh Iām struggling,Iām still in bed canāt drag myself out just for another heartbreaking day feel sick with grief.
Donāt know how to carry on each day is getting harder I miss Steve so much it physically hurts
I know we on here feel the same,this now is torture well here goes I must get up and face the empty house
Take care
Christine x
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Hello Emily,
I know how you are feeling. My Billy passed away on the 25th of August and initially there was so much to do and people just kept coming and flowersā¦ I had so many that I had to give some to my neighbour as it was all to much. After the funeral which was on the 22nd of September it all stopped and you start feeling so empty and lonely. I have to confess I even looked up on how to end my own life as I so much want to be where he is. We were married for 44 years and together for 46 which is a life time. We have two adopted sons both of whom have there own difficulties, so I must keep going for them. Sometimes it all seems so very pointless and life will never be the same again. Take care love, Marcella
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I feel the same I think we should not have to live with out out loved ones beside us I would love to stop living in this life with out him it is so hard I agree people think you should move one over Christmas my friends and some family did not bother even to text it hurt me they just did not want to think about my loss as it would routine there Christmas just is getting worse to cope with daily life take care all xx
Itās been four weeks since my partner passed Iām struggling too Iāve been going to places we used to go to but it not the same I just dnt know how to carry on !! We had so many plans
Hi Lisa
Iām 53 and Gary passed 8 weeks this Monday. Itās literally killing me. He was misdiagnosed and all the various delays due to COVID resulted in him not having a chance of getting treatment. I didnāt celebrate 25/12 nor last night either. Why should I when I donāt have Gary. We have 2 grown up children which Gary took on as his own. Their biological father was a waste of space. He adored them both and gave them a fantastic life providing stability and a privileged childhood of love and caring , something that many children donāt receive. He would do anything for them or anyone else come to that. I miss him so much itās tearing me apart, I long to be with him. I exist now , I no longer live .
Take care x
Sharon
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This is the first time I have sought some kind of support after losing my husband and after reading a few of these posts I now know Iām not alone, I thought that itās just me but I now see its not, itās normal to crack
Youāre definitely not alone Nicola. So many of us are suffering on this dreadful journey. Itās been almost 11 months since I lost my darling husband and I still have days when I canāt see the point of continuing without him. But I do, and I will, as we all have to.
Take care x
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Sorry that you find yourself on here we are all
On this awful journey wishing we was not and it is hard d to find the point to carry on and want to be with our loved ones it has been 7 months now since I lost my husband suddenly I feel that my life has ended but my family tell me that they can not cope with losing both parents but it is so hard alone it is nit getting any easier we have to find our way through take care x
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I canāt put into words how Iām feeling as I dont think thereās an emotion that quite fits. My husband was crushed to death whilst at work so I was unable to see him at all to say goodbye. I know heās not coming home but I still live in hope and I know itās silly. Peoe say they will do anything to make me feel better but that anything is impossible unless they can cunjure up a time machine. I am hoping for a sign a sound a touch, Iām not a believer in god but what I would do to know that I will see him again. I feel for the kids losi g a patent but then I feel selfish for feeling sad, angry, hurt, lost for losing my soul mate
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