Husband’s death

My husband and I moved to Cornwall on 18th March 2020 and he had a stroke on the 25th March. He was in hospital for a week and died on April 2nd. I couldn’t visit him. I am hugely traumatised by his death which hasn’t been made easy by the current lockdown. I am bewildered, frightened, can’t think straight and can’t see beyond what my current emotions are.

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Dear Sarah,
How sad for you to lose your husband in such a way, you must have made so many plans together. I am truly sorry that he passed away. You are very welcome to share with the rest of us memories of your husband, when you feel like doing so, all of us are suffering from this horrible grief.
Blessings,
MaryL

Sarah, my heart goes out to you and just moving away from your old life with people you know. It is no wonder you feel lost and out of your depths. Under normal grieving you would feel like that but with your situation you will feel even worse. Take each day, one at a time, very small steps, just deal with one thing, don’t let things get you down, you are very vulnerable both physically and mentally so be very careful. This site is always here and many post can help with ideas of what they have gone through. Take care of yourself.
S

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Thinking of you at this sad time …moving away from everything that had been familiar to you and then losing someone precious to you has understadebly left you you confused and frightened…be kind to yourself and take each day moment by moment . Death does traumatise us …and life can feel surreal…my own husband passed away just a few weeks before we went into lockdown …I tell myself daily that whatever i am feeling in that moment is normal in an abnormal situation …you are not alone …you will find the strengh you need …

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Thank you Bab1. I am sorry for your loss too. It feels like a turmoil of emotions and the lockdown doesn’t help in any way.

Thank you Susie.

Bab1,
We had been married for 59 years when I found my husband dead on our bedroom floor, he hadn’t been well, but I never expected him to die. I am housebound, generally, with multiple medical conditions, this lock down is dreadful for everyone, but it is my way of life. I have 2 very thoughtful children and 2 grandchildren, but I haven’t seen them for months, both of them live 80 miles away in opposite directions. I know I am not alone in this very sad situation, is it because of this that I am missing my husband more and more by the day?
I am sorry that your husband passed away just before lock down, it is heartbreaking.

Hi Mary, yes like you during this lockdown, I too are finding I am missing my lovely husband more each day but at the same time I know he couldn’t have dealt with the situation we find ourselves in. Are you getting support for your shopping and other essentials in life? One of my neighbours has been fantastic including today when they got me a chocolate fudge cake from Sainsburys, ok not an essential to the powers that be but to me absolutely wonderful. Hope you have wonderful help.
S

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Maryland… 59 years is a long time …so a lot of memories gathered up that no one can take away …its good that you have supportive family …but difficult that you cant see them for now …the hard part for us all is we know the one person we would give anything to see after the lockdown is not going to be there …

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Thank you Susie123
I am very lucky, I have a wonderful carer who comes here every morning, she will do anything for me. I have a lot of phone calls from our children, grandson and some family and friends, I am very grateful for all this caring, I order my frozen meals 2 weeks at a time. Like you Susie, I am missing my husband so much.
I think a chocolate fudge cake is essential food, at times such as this, :grinning:
Take care and stay safe.
Mary.

Sarah, so so sorry for you.
My husband died on 1st January. We had been together for 30 years. No children.
In the last week two of my close friends have died.
I recognise the pain from the posts on this forum. Reading the posts does help.
I know that my husband would have struggled with the lock down and I am grateful that I was able to give him a proper funeral and then a memorial service.
One day at a time I suppose.

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Thank you for your reply Bab1,
Stan and I met when I was 17 and he was 22, engaged on my 19th birthday and married a month after my 21st birthday. It was along time to be together. J miss him so much,
You are so right that the one person we would give anything to see, is the one who isn’t there,
Stay safe.

Hello Magnet. I am so sorry for your loss. Steve and I were together for 9 years as we met later on in life. We had a wonderful life together and did so much together. Sadly he died during the lockdown so we couldn’t have a big funeral. Every day now is a challenge and struggle but I know it will get a bit easier with time. I still find it hard to believe I will never see him again.

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I know what you mean Sarah. I can’t believe I haven’t seen my Gerry for 16 weeks. Some days are better than others with no real pattern to how you will be feeling when each morning comes.
It is still very raw for you, I hope you get some comfort from this site. xx

Mirrors our time together to met when I was 16 …married at 21 …we are both lucky that we met someone that we could spend so long together with …
Keep safe you to Maryl and yes one day at a time …(its also a favourite song of mine that’s helped through many a difficult time …

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Hello again Bab1,
We were very lucky to be together for such a long time. I thank God for Stan being in my life for so long, it is coming up to 9 months since he died. I feel worse now than I did when I found him on our bedroom floor, he was a kind and gentle man, in a way, I am glad he isn’t here to be affected by this evil virus.
I hope that you are staying safe.
x x x

Hi Maryl…hope you are well …yes very lucky to have all that time together…I to count the days weeks that life changed forever ! …I hope there isn’t a worst feeling to come than I feel already and I’m just 10 weeks down that painful road ! …but I know it is not going to get easy over the next few weeks cos my youngest son will be moving into his first home leaving a big gap again ! …change can be a good thing …but these last few changes are a struggle to find positives amongst! …keep safe keep well x

Thank you for your reply, Bab1, I have to be honest, I have felt worse over the last few days, maybe it is the lock down, as I am housebound I am so used to being confined to barracks :grinning: However, I do miss seeing our family.
I am sorry that your son is leaving home and I hope that he is not moving too far away from you.
Keep safe and well x

I think not seeing others in our lives at all does have an impact on us Maryl…and is more than likely adding to the feelings you describe around feelingvworst …even though as you describe you are used to be confined to barracks ! …you probably have a lot of useful insight for ways of coping for us all in this unusual time in our world ! .hoping you can soon get to see those you are close to …take care sending a viral hug x

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A virtual hug back to you, Bab1
The only thing I can say to people who are housebound is what a surgeon said to me after I had damaged my spine for the second time, I had to retire at the age of 47 years old from a job I loved.
He told me straight that I could go home and be a misery, then no-one would want to contact me or come and see me. The alternative was, I could go home and be as cheerful as possible, accept that I had been given a bad deal in life, I then would see family and friends and receive phone calls. I was offended by this straight talking, yet when I discussed it with my late husband, he agreed that it was good advice. I gave it a great deal of thought and realised that it made sense, Ten years later I was dealt another blow, when I was diagnosed with an inherited blood disorder Porphyria, it is a rare condition and doctors do not seem to know much about it. I am allergic to solar and sunlight, this has made me nearly completely housebound. It can only be controlled by having a pint of blood removed approximately 3 times per year, my liver makes too much iron. I have other medical conditions. I did not intend telling you my medical history. Sorry
Take care and stay safe,
Mary x

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